Is it better to vent your anger at people who've done you wrong or just ignore it and move forward (even if that makes the process take longer)?

There's a situation I've been in recently where I've been let down. I want to vent at this person.

I met a guy in a pub one time when I was having lunch with my friends. We got so well we ended up going other places for drinks. We kissed at the end of the day and exchanged numbers. He was supposed to be playing football and kept getting calls asking him to go, but he said he'd had such a good time with me he let it go (he only plays amateur).

He scheduled a date for us to meet at the weekend. On the morning he calls me very early to say that his mom has been taken into hospital and he's really sorry but he can't make the date.

He texts me throughout Sunday to apologise for messing me around (he does this about 3 times). He says he understands if I don't want to meet up with him, but he still wants to see me and hopes we can make another date, whenever I'm available.

We text a bit more throughout the week.

On the Friday I text him a fair bit (maybe a bit too much), but he actually ends up calling me at one point to speak over the phone, but I was out at a party and didn't get his missed call until the next day.

The next day he apologises for annoying me and asks if we're still on for the date on Sunday. I text him back and tell him the night was a bit of a blurr to me and it's no worries (I thought I'd actually annoyed him) and that we're all good for Sunday.

Anyway, I don't hear anything back from him.

I text him at 5pm on Sunday to ask him to confirm if we're still on (the date was at 8pm) and nothing. Nada. Zilch.

I haven't replied nor has he. But I'm so angry.

A part of me wants to not reply and not "show my hand" as it were. But as I don't want to see him again, a part of me wants to text him to tell him to stop being an asshole/play games with people to get it off my chest and it may help me to forget it.

It makes me realise that the first time he may not have been with his mom, he may be a flake/player.

To text/vent or not to, that is the question?

Theoretically, not to would be the best. "Give it up, let it go" etc. But I keep thinking about it and getting angrier and angrier because he's just got away with being a dick, and feel venting may actually be better?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I disagree with Taborlin. It depends on your personality type, but I'll tell you a story - when I was in college, there was a total misunderstanding between me and this girl. She thought I made a derogatory comment about her, and to this day I'm not 100% sure what I said that she misheard. I didn't say one word to or about her. I had no reason to be mean to her; I had no problem to her and she had nothing wrong to me. Anyway, she told a friend about it, a guy who was much bigger than me, and he almost kicked my ass in front of dozens of people without even considering that she might be mistaken. Humiliated me. I carried that with me for a long time. Last year, I ran into that guy. I'm now bigger than him. And boy did I let my anger out on him (verbally, not physically). Now he was humiliated, confused, and embarrassed. Contrary to what others would have you believe, it made me feel much, much better. Maybe it's not the mature thing to do or feel, but it is what it is. It was great.

    When someone shows zero respect for you, as this guy has, it can make you feel much better to speak out about it. If you can text him letting him know that you won't tolerate disrespect, and maybe take a little shot at him (as long as it's fair), it will help you maintain your self respect and subconsciously make it easier for you not to fall victim to it in the future. And if you can take care not to use any swear words or make it seem like he hurt you in some way, or make it seem like you're out of control with anger (so that you don't give him any power over you), and maybe cut him down a peg or two, he may or may not feel bad about it, but there's a chance it will make him think twice before he does it to someone else.

    When someone wrongs me, I make sure they hurt for it. I know that sounds sadistic and petulant, but if they deserve it then there's a certain justice about it. The last time a girl played me like that, I made sure she faced consequences for it (again, all verbal, nothing physical or illegal). My hope is she thought twice before playing some other guy. And yes, it did make me feel much better.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Don't text him. What do you hope to achieve by scolding him which I'm sure will be pretty heated once you get more into it? It's not like you want him anyway. All you're really achieve by telling him to stop playing games will be making you look a bit off your rocker. He's not really 'playing games' as you guys were never in a relationship. He bailed on plans, annoying for sure. However, it happens. The best thing to do in cases like that is to show it doesn't phase you.

    (If you're pissed, find other ways to let all the anger out. Maybe hit the gym or go for a jog.)

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What Guys Said 6

  • I really don't think venting would do anything to help the situation, either for you or for him. You don't know if he's been intentionally avoiding you or not... sometimes life gets crazy. Venting to him wouldn't make you feel any better. Trust me. It would probably make things worse, because then he would get upset and want to vent at you, and both of you will end up more angry than you were before. Even if he doesn't get angry back at you, you aren't going to feel better because of it.

    If you truly aren't interested in seeing him again, send him one more message saying so, and then just let it go. Getting angry at people is destructive and rarely does anything to help a situation. The emotions you feed are the ones that grow inside you. Peacefully remove yourself from the situation instead, and your anger will dissolve on its own.

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  • Went anger at anything besides those people. Or any people for that matter. Giving in to anger is one thing - it's completely natural and everyone has to let loose some steam once in a while. But throwing it back at those people is almost like admitting that they have emotional power over you. I mean that your anger is a result of them 'getting to you.'

    Never let your enemies 'get' to you.

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  • You could just leave him a nasty voice message.

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  • Dealing with the emotions is what is best. If that entails talking with them, then yes vent in that way.

    But vomiting your emotions on that person won't help much.

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  • Venting and later apologizing is healthier I think. Holding in your frustrations will only let them build up to critical capacity, and could lead to a blow up that is vastly more destructive than the initial one could have ever been.
    Not to mention some people learn to tolerate certain irritants if they catch themselves complaining too much or too often.

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  • He missed two dates.
    I for sure wouldn't want to hear back from somebody who needs to "vent" after missing two dates.

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What Girls Said 1

  • If u ignore it it'll turn into a grudge then it'll explode when it comes out

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