How can a man even find women to date outside of school?

Most men find their partners when they are still in school or University, because that's when they have access to plenty of single, available girls. Once they are out of college, these are the issues:-

1) Most women aren't single
2) Those who are single, are usually not available because they’re either hurting about their ex, or already have someone else in mind.
3) The very few women who are single and available, are way too picky so they would never give these men a chance.

I find myself in such a situation now. To even have a chance, I should be able to find a woman who is single AND is not thinking about her ex AND isn't crushing on anyone else AND is willing to give me a chance.

So many things have to fall into place, just to be able to get a date. And then, there is the usual effort needed to keep her interested and stuff. How do I go about accomplishing this? And is it even worth all the efforts, considering that I may invest so much time and still be left with nothing?

Updates:
Please don't suggest bars are nightclubs. These are the venues people go for hookups and one night stands, and not to find dates.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Career section
    > Office
    > Library
    > Conferences
    > seminars
    > talks
    > trainings

    Leisure section
    > Sports clubs
    > Dance schools (Partner dances especially)

    Residence
    > Dormitory (Bad option)
    > Shared apartment
    > Youth Hostel

    Religious gatherings
    > Spiritual gatherings for Yoga, Rope Mallakham, Meditation

    Online clubs
    > Meetups
    > InterNations

    Academics
    > University
    > Language schools

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I understand where you're coming from.

    The key, is that you have to approach women EVERYWHERE. Every venue that u interact with people, is a possible hunting ground to find women. :-D

    For a guy, it is of absolute importance in the dating game, to keep his iterations high (aka, approach many women, don't be too selective).

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    • Yeah, I am trying! It's just that very early into the conversation, the woken I fancy eventually do bring up their partner or the person they're crushing on. I am absolutely sure that they don't do it to just push me away. These matters just become a part of random conversation.

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    • I live in an ultra-conservative, underdeveloped third world country where women aren't open to date. That's the main problem

    • by the way, why do u act like a woman ins't "available" because she is crushing on someone? She's still single dammit! Don't let that stop you. Pursue anyway! Maybe u can be her next crush. ;-)

What Girls Said 10

  • Join a fucking club like sport, art classes that are outside of school or volunteer enough said!!!

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    • Yeah, did all that, didn't work due to the non-availability of single women who were also ready to date.

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    • Right, I don't lose anything with online dating, except perhaps a the monthly subscription charges. And that's a pretty small investment, if it's gonna help me find someone.

    • Yeah maybe you will find someone in your area like you.

  • Join a sports club that has both men and women. I used to be a member of a rowing club, most people in the club were age 25-35 and lots of couples were formed between people from the men's and women's teams. I think once you're out of university, a shared hobby is the best way to meet members of the opposite sex in a neutral setting where you can just get to know people first without the pressure of it being a date.

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    • Yeah, I have already tried some of those! Very few women actually participate in such activities here, and those that do, I have noticed that they're usually not single. Of course, I never went with the intention to date, but always it was like 20 men and 2 or 3 women getting involved! It doesn't work like this at all.

  • I'm wondering that as well. How do people even get a boyfriend or gf? Outside of work or school and even there you don't want to make it awkard

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    • Getting a boyfriend isn't tough if the girl is single, because guys anyway ask her out, and she can just choose one among them. But guys have it really tough once they're out of college, though.

    • ehm no they don't

  • Dating sites and meeeting ladies through other friends

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    • I think you know who I am! :P

      Dating sites are shit in my stupid country anyway! Other friends? Most of them are either married or in relationships. They have no time to even interact with me much, so setting me up with someone is a far cry!

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    • I don't really have job 'problems', I can get one soon. Bedsides, my dating life was the same even when I was gainfully employed for more than 5 years. So i don't think job has anything to do with it.

      But yeah, I had asked this question yesterday due to a sudden bout of frustration. Practically, I do need to get settled in my career first.

    • Don't worry.. you're not like wrinkly, bitchy, suffering from a mid life crisis and over 45 years of age.

  • Where are you from? To have the idea of the environement you live in...

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    • Well... I'm reluctant to reveal my country here since people all over the world, especially women, usually loathe men of my country/ethnicity and find us ugly and unattractive.

      Anyway, here goes. I stay in India.

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    • Of course, I know you suppose to approach a woman, but that's why I say, maybe when you get there, there will be someone you can approach to...

    • I guess so, I just don't know whom to approach because it's difficult to know if she's single or not.

  • I tend to meet people through friends, social gatherings stuff like that.
    You can also try online dating.

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    • Thanks for the suggestion. My friends are all either married or in relationships, so they don't really interact much with me any more. Online dating is worth a shot, but I'm kinda sceptical about it. I have heard people say that for men, online dating only works if they are as good looking as Brad Pitt or Tom Cruise.

  • Have you tried joining clubs or activities that involve others or meeting through friends.

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    • Yes I have, several times. Most women there too usually are crushing on someone already. I am yet to find a single, available woman who is also willing to give me a chance to prove my worth to her.

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    • Ooo that sucks well i'd say your best chance is do a lot of outdoor activities and look for chances to "accidentally" bump into a women.

    • Bumping into women is not a problem, bumping into single, available women who are willing to give me a chance, is! Hehe!

      Yeah, just my bad luck I suppose. 😞

  • They're everywhere. You're probably being too picky.

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    • Picky? No damn way! I'm ok to date ANY woman on the planet right now, who is my age or younger. I don't think that's picky!

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    • These women are at the gym, in the streets, in malls, even in my working environment, which is honestly a problem, since I'm a teacher and have to deal with teenagers approach :(

      And I don't think that's because you are ess attractive than me or something. When it comes to dating, sometime strying too hard gets you away from what you want, don't you think?

    • Well... to be frank, girls never know if I'm desperate or not, because I never approach them. I mean... I'm just unable to find single women to approach. When I do occasionally find a single girl, it turns out that she has feelings for someone else so she is not really 'available', and hence I lose my chance.

  • restaurants and bars and dining are your best bet, or the gym

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    • Bars are where people go to get hookups and one night stands. Tried restaurants and gyms too, I can't find single women. Even if they are single, they don't give me a chance usually.

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    • i honestly wasn't all that attracted to him the first meet, i liked some qualities, but didn't think much of it u know? i wasn't wowed or anything. some things actually turned me off about him physically, i didn't like the outfit he was wearing and yea anyway, but since i was single my thought process was like what the hek let me just give him my number what can possibly go wrong?
      some girls are looking to just date and meet men, we know it might not go well or turn into a relationship, but if a guy asks us for our number and we are indeed single we give it out.

    • I guess what you say make sense. But even when women are single, I have found that they are still hurting about their previous break-up (which means they don't want to date), or they already have someone else in mind. It seems like single women who are also open to date, are an endangered species.

  • Go to a club. Buy her a couple of drinks. It's not too much of an investment I don't think.

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    • People go to clubs to find people to hook up with, and not to date. And even the ladies there wouldn't want anything more than a one night stand or something (which is not what I am looking for at all).

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    • I don't go to school anymore, I graduated from University over 5 years ago, and am currently working!

    • Ask your friends at work.

What Guys Said 12

  • I often wonder that myself. A lot of people meet at work, but my work place is 85% male, my work group of 20 people has exactly one female (married), and this little interaction with people outside my group. If I do go to a bar or night club - 70% male, and the females are either with a sig other or with a big group of friends.

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    • You seem to be in the exact same situation as me, and our ages are the same too!

      So do you have any plans on how to go about finding that elusive, single woman who is also willing to give you a chance?

    • When I have been able to meet people it's usually doing things that are oriented for single people but aren't specifically for dating - like hiking clubs, ski clubs, meetup groups with a particular interest. I just need to stop being so busy and try to get involved in stuff like that again. But of course those only work if you have the nerve to start conversations with women.

  • Well I'm still in college but I also hang out at my Orthodox Church a lot and for that matter attend as many ethnic Russian/Greek festivals as possible in order to potentially meet a spouse. You need to find your niche--be it a club, religious thing, activity, etc, and do everything associated with it in hopes of meeting someone.

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    • Yeah, I have been doing so many things to try and meet someone. Women have often called me 'perfect' and 'I'll be a partner to a lucky woman', but they were all either taken, or already had someone else in mind.

  • That's why I really feel the need to found my future spouse in college.

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  • It's a lot harder. But if you look hard enough you'll find that there are a few keepers still available.

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  • Once women are above the age of 16 or so, they are never single again. In fact, they overlap boyfriends, usually.

    You just have to take your morals and shove 'em. Or stay single.

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    • Yeah, I thought so. Sigh! :(

  • Some classes of cooking or something else would be fine. You may also join cheerleading if you want, but that's likely to make you less manly.

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    • I have tried activity clubs and such, although not cooking. The women there were either taken, crushing on someone else, or were just not willing to give me a chance. :(

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    • I have been abroad too, but the men of my ethnicity are considered unattractive by women all over the world, except women of my own country.

    • Bro, I've run out of ideas... You havezipped my mouth :X

  • Typically I meet them as mutual friends at clubs and shit.

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  • That's my fear if I don't find a girl in college.

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    • I guess you still have time to complete your education, so better get a girl before that!

  • One detail that might be important that doesn't seem to be brought up yet;

    What is the male:female ratio where you live? It is possible that there simply aren't enough potential partners where you live.

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    • Yeah, the male female ratio isn't ideal. But more than that, I guess it has got more to do with the fact that women just can't be single for long. A lot of single men wait like vultures for a woman to break up, and she does, the 'best' among them lap her up. Either this, or women are still hurting about an ex, so don't really want to date. I have come across VERY few single women who were also open to date, but they didn't think I was good enough for them.

    • Someone else suggested travel. Tha t might help. Where I live there is something like a 3:1 female to male ratio. Dating here is pretty easy.

    • Yeah, I have travelled abroad (but not to the US, because getting a Visa for US is a pain in the ass), but women all over the world find men of my ethnicity unattractive. So I don't suppose I'd stand a chance outside my country.

  • Obviously bars are not nightclubs.

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    • Hmmm... I dunno, I don't drink. So I can't really see much difference between these. I only know that both are places where people get dead drunk, and find temporary partners for some drunken sex.

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    • And from my experience, I'd avoid a regular gym for meeting girls.

    • I have attended philately clubs, trekking camps etc. I'm also part of a biker club, and we often go on long motorbike rides. But I haven't come across single girls here, who aren't already crushing on someone else.

      Painting classes, I can give it a try. :)

  • I hear ya. This part of the reason I'm interested in joining a gym. Bars are not a good place to meet women and it seems like online dating isn't either. I've gotten hookups and flings out of online dating but nothing long term. The only girls that wanted to date me long term were ones I didn't like back and the closest I thought to getting a relationship, where the interest seemed mutual, I got rebounded.

    It's tough. You gotta keep your options open which can be overwhelming in itself.

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    • Yeah, I have kept my options open. REALLY open. In fact, right now I'd willing to date ANY woman in the world who is kind enough to give me a chance, as long as she's my age or younger.

    • Yeah good luck to you man. That being said, don't lower your standards too much where you have no physical attraction and don't feel any excitement. I've done that just so I wouldn't be alone and it did nothing for me at all.

  • See a woman you fancy? Ask her out. Doesn't matter where the fuck you are.

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    • Precisely! If u don't strike then, u may never see her again!

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