I have on and off depression and lately it's been extremely bad. To the point I myself to sleep. Ever since I was a little girl, it's been a huge part of my self esteem. Lately I been feeling extremely ugly. I feel like I really never be good for everyone. When people stare at me I feel judged. So I just carry this bitch face. Having this self esteem has made me paranoid to not trust anyone. And sometimes my paranoid is so bad, I feel like everyone around me is evil. Even when man smile at me I get worried and can't deal with it. I hide these feelings very well, by being outgoing. I'm hurting so much, that I don't know what to do. Every day I become more obsessed with my looks. I wish my life would just end at times. I can't stand living in my body anymore. Even when people are "nice" to me I feel like it's because they feel bad. Then it makes me more sad thinking about that
Ultimately, it's your self-esteem. No matter what others say, you have to believe that you are not ugly. There are ugly people in this world. It's a fact and not everyone is meant to have a significant other. However, you are not ugly. You need to talk to someone to further examine why you feel ugly.
A lot of girls feel unattractive! There are media outlets trying to show you that you aren't attractive enough without maybelline or pantene (for example). They want your 💵💷. And with your generation there are girls your age finding their favorite looking angles with their stomach sucked in and their boobs pressed out with filters and sometimes Photoshoped on their profiles.
There are guys that want you to look like a Instagram model, but there many that will find you attractive how you are. There is a lot more to you than your looks. The enjoyment in your life, sexual or personal interests are not dependent on your looks. Yes most guys want to be attracted to their girlfriend, but a lot of us strongly value the connection beyond superficial. I bet you more guys would feel more attracted to you than you may realize.
Honestly I think maybe you should see a therapist and just tell them about how you feel about your looks and how it makes you see yourself others and the world. You shouldn't have to go around in life feeling this shitty. People can't bottle things like this up they always implode eventually. Don't let it come to that.
Beauty comes from the inside of you then it will show on the outside. A truly beautiful woman is kind, caring, and is there for the people she loves in her life. Once you realize that then you'll see how beautiful you truly are.