Boyfriend has gained a lot of weight. What to do?

So my boyfriend and I have been dating for just over a year. We live together and he has gained probably at least 30 pounds since we first started dating. He also hates hair cuts and won't get one. The hair cut is not a huge deal but the weight is. On our one year anniversary he took me to a super nice restaurant but he didn't make an effort to get a hair cut before , he wore a baseball hat and jeans and I was dressed to the names and felt way overdressed. Lastly he farts all the time openly and he never diid thid whhenn we first dtarted dating. I told him the farting is really excessive and he should get it looked at but he won't. seems like he has let himself go. I love him and he treats me like an angel and is definitely the one. However these habits are turning me off. I am scared I will hurt his feelings about the weight but we have only been dating for a year and he let himself go. If we were married twenty years it would be different. What to do?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Tell him he's becoming a fatass, and it's unattractive. You don't have to babystep. You might use more tact than me, but he can probably handle it. And it'll have more weight (lol) if you're more direct. Make him look at himself. "You're getting fat." Maybe ask him to do some exercise with you or start a similar diet, 'because you're getting fat'.

    I'm guessing you've been with him 6 months to 2 years. That's generally when oxytocin starts falling off, and you start noticing more of the person's flaws. It'll probably get worse, depending on how long you've been together. You sorta set the tendency for the whole relationship, or just quietly endure and resent until you blow your top or leave him. You gotta say something, in my opinion. Also in my opinion, it's worthless trying to stay with someone forever. Humans aren't naturally like that. We jump from person to person. Of course, we also naturally sleep at night.

    The brain releases melatonin when the sun goes down, but since we have electrical lighting, we can trick the brain into thinking it's daytime. So, without some kind of monogamous electrical lighting--that is, tricking your brain into thinking staying with one person forever is a good thing, or somehow otherwise keeping things fresh--but, I'm not sure whether there's a way to induce oxytocin release. Thus my aversion towards closed relationships.

    Sometimes, hurting someone's feelings is worth it in the long run. Or, you have to crack a few eggs to make an omelet.

    In any case, tell him how it is. If you really want a relationship to work out, you have to communicate what pisses you off and what you don't like about the other person. If they try to change for you, then they're going to fight to make it work. If they don't, then you're obviously not important enough to them. That's how I see it, anyway.

    I used to jog in the morning with one of my exs. It was fun. Sharing an exercise regiment.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Gosh all I can say is dump him because it doesn't sound like you deserve him. If you truly loved him these things wouldn't matter so much. 30 pounds depending of his height is noticeable but most people gain some weight in a relationship.

    And like you say- 20 years from now who bows how he will look or you after kids. As long as his gut isn't getting in the way of sex I am a-okay with it. I do want him to be healthy if we are having kids though so we both get a CBC every year and if his cholesterol is out of sorts then I use that to get us doing more exercise a tivites together even if it is just walking and eat more fiber and also avocado because it is a good kind of fat that binds to the bad sort of fat in your arteries and flushes it out.

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What Guys Said 6

  • Either u tell him that he is letting himself go and hurt his feelings,

    or you will end up breaking up with him, hurting his feelings,

    or u will end up cheating on him, hurting his feelings.

    -------

    Unfortunately there is no way to avoid "hurting his feelings".

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  • Just give it to him straight and tell him that you starting not feel physical attraction towards him because he's getting fat.

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  • if he gets butthurt over you telling him he looks overweight or is getting fat, that's not the type of guy you should be dating anyways , too serious.

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  • The farting is due to all the junk food. Get him to cut back on that and it will solve both your problems. :)

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  • Tell him what's up.

    If he doesn't change and you aren't attracted to him, leave.

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  • Be honest. Even if it's tough and hard.

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What Girls Said 3

  • You could tell him you've noticed he's gained weight (say it in a soft, genuinely concerned way- not a mean or accusatory way). Maybe join a gym together or suggest doing activities like riding bikes, hiking, passing a frisbee, etc.

    The farting thing doesn't seem like a big deal to me because it shows he's comfortable with you and all that, but if it's truly excessive and bothers you a lot then talk to him about it. Maybe healthy eating and exercising would help with this as well.

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  • Communication is key. Maybe instead of just bringing up his weight try and ask if he wants to accompany you to the gym? He might get uncomfortable if you flat out tell him he's overweight, you don't want to hurt him you want to help. Also, if you cook for him try changing it up a bit. Maybe add some more fruits and veggies to his diet. Most of all support him, he might just need a little motivation?

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  • Woah there dudes and girls, instead of worrying about how his appearance has changed ask him how he's doing. he's probably super stressed out (IBS is a symptom of that by the way). If anything he needs you to be supportive more than ever rather than questioning the trivial things. Trust me, this is/ has happened to my current boyfriend. Of course you matter in all of this too. If he hasn't shaped up in two months time behaviorally and caring about himself tell him things need a drastic change since your putting more effort into the relationship than he is. If he's the one then make sure he understands your needs and you understand his. Your a team in this together.

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