Guys, New man was serious player.. Can he change his ways that quickly?

Hey there.. So I need a few opinions :). I recently started dating a new man over the last 7 wks. All has been great and has told me he is falling in love with me. As we are getting closer he has disclosed more about his past and was sleeping with four women a wk before we met and has been pretty much doing this for over the last 5 years. He says I am the first girl in ten years he's grown feelings for and makes him want more as he can be himself and likes that I'm calm and not needy. All pretty cool. However each night we have been out in his town women he has been with have approached him not realising he is now with me and still bat their eyelids or will say comments like awkward if see me. I haven't fed into this behaviour as I felt, these people were before me so didn't feed into it. But Friday night one of these women sat across and watched him all night and as he got more drink, he watched her too. Plus caught him twice over the weekend on his phone when thought I was sleeping texting and threw his phone down when I moved without realising I had seen him. Over the weekend this weekend I heard from him more and more about all these conquests and a few even on his Road and now I'm kinda beginning to feel uneasy in progressing with the guy. We get on super, I understand it's early days and enjoying getting to know him but really am not wanting bullshit. When he was dropping me home today, I broached the subject and asked if he wanted to be with other people and he said no as was very happy with us and he's mad about me. I said that's cool but if do feel you want other women That is okay but that I wouldn't be progressing and how I did see him texting someone and he said he was just on Facebook and I said very casually not to fib to me. I was just letting him know I do see things happen and I am not a girl that will be blind to bullshit even though I'm not needy and what not. He is saying he is falling in love with me and I've been very chilled with everything as


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What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 2

  • Trust your insticts, if you think he's still making contact with other women, and he is making you feel overlooked even when your with him, end it now. You want a guy you don't doubt, and who is open with you about communication, especially if he claims to love you.

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    • Yes I had zero doubts at all before this weekend but a lot came to light. Today he is quiet with me so he might wonder off now after me calling him out. I know we aren't together a long period of time but do feel at this stage there shouldn't be any hanger ons but seems to just be there constantly and makes me think now, just how recent were these women.

    • Look, all you can do it be assertive, bring up the subject, and express your feelings about it, and hopefully have a mature conversation, but if he can't provide reassurance, or be open about who he corresponds with (which he should want to be with the woman he loves) then you just can't trust him.

    • Yes your right as I'm very open with whom I correspond with whilst in his company.. Thanks for opinion :)

  • I'm getting the impression that, yes, he does like you. I wouldn't call it love at this point (even though he does). However, because of his history with women and how easy it is for him to go from one woman to the next so quickly, I don't think it's as easy for him to just "settle down" and be monogamous. (Question: How does he introduce you to other people? Does he introduce you as his girlfriend or anything like that?)

    He says he doesn't want to be with other people, and I think that's true, but for him, his old habits are really hard for him to break. I really do think he wants to be in a committed relationship with you, but I also think that it's not as easy for him to stop doing what he's been so accustomed to doing for the past 5 years.

    I like that you aren't going to take any crap from him; continue to make that obvious. If he is serious about it and means business with this relationship, how about suggesting that he prove it to you by you guys be transparent with each other, which includes maybe having the passwords to his social media accounts or something of that nature, and vice versa. Until then, I'd say to give it a little more time (maybe try to make it to 3 months with him); keep observing him and then make your assessments after a bit more time has passed.

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    • Thanks for your comments.. Yeah I think the transparent thing may be a little too soon into the relationship and would be different if cohabiting or what not. He has talked of a future with me and how glad he is to have met someone like me as he had given up on finding love. We've spent a lot of time together and I do think deep down he cares about me but it's just his recent past seems still so present. we get on and I know I'll fall for him if continue as I like everything about the guy but it's niggling a little now at me

    • Transparency in that kind of way might be a bit much and too soon, but, in general, just being transparent with each other is necessary given his history with women. Maybe you two can reach a compromise on what he could do that would ease your mind about what he's doing/who he's corresponding with, etc.

      I can definitely understand why you would be apprehensive to continue (I definitely would), given his past and his sketchy behavior. I don't want to say to let it drag out, but do give it a little bit more time... he's probably still getting used to being connected to someone in this kind of way, and isn't used to being accountable for his actions (particularly with women).

      If you find, after some time, that he's making very little effort to change or to do things for you to trust him, then I'd say that it's better to end it because he's not ready to change.

    • Yes, he has gone quiet today. He rang early this afternoon and heard nothing since so I'm thinking he is mulling over what I said and will either step up or walk away now so I'll play out the next few days anyway to see how he is with me and let him come to me when he is ready to chat. But most definitely if it continues then I'll have to walk away for peace of mind.

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