Was I wrong to stand up to her?

I've been talking to this girl for awhile, and we made definite plans to do something today to which she didn't pitch. Albeit i was 10min late (which i've always seen as socially acceptable), she didn't pitch up for it at all, and instead went on to do something else. I adamantly told her when she messaged me, that I was disappointed in her decision to do so and politely reminded her that in the future if she makes plans with someone, she should try and stick to them.

Consequently, she went on about how "now she is the one to blame, as always" and tried to throw the blame on me, etc. I just saw it as her trying to guilt trip me into letting her walk all over me; she was clearly upset by it, but I stood by what i said, and repeated to her that I didn't appreciate the way she overlooked our plans. I then promptly left the conversation to avoid any more unnecessary drama.

But I now have a bad taste in my mouth. Was I right, or was I wrong? Could I have approached it any better?


Most Helpful Girl

  • I would have waited longer than ten minutes but lateness is my pet peeve and I'd probs avoid a second date.

    • Yea if it was longer than ten minutes, I'd understand and happily take the blame for it. I've always been taught that if it's an interview, you arrive 10 minutes early, if it's a social setting, you arrive 10 minutes late to give those involved more time to prepare. And it wasn't like she was waiting for me. She didn't show up AT ALL without any indication that she may be late, or cancelled plans. So, I pretty much told her that's a no-go and boom the guilt tripping begins!

    • Show All
    • Hmm then I'm at fault for being late (and that doesn't help the bad taste in my mouth), but does that justify her trying to put the blame on me and guilt trip me when she didn't show up in the first place?

    • I didn't say you were at fault for being late but for future reference it's extremely rude to be late to things. For the answer to your other question you can refer to the above comment from me lol

Most Helpful Guy

  • Wait did she blow it off entirely, or was she there waiting for you when you were late, and left before you got there?


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What Girls Said 1

  • No I think you did the right thing


What Guys Said 2

  • The way I look at it is that you can either be right or be happy but you can't be both when it comes to women.

    • So you enjoy being walked over?

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    • That is true, but this is a boundary that i DO NOT tolerate being overstepped or overlooked. Not showing up for a date without any prior indication that she'll be late or that she has to cancel, tells me she has little regard for plans we make, or for my time. I wouldn't be so irritated by it if it was spontaneous, last minute kinda thing because that you have to play by ear, but plans that were made nearly a WEEK in advance I expect commitment otherwise they're not worth my time.

      I still can't help but have this bad taste in my mouth. Perhaps I'm not as used to standing up to people as i thought!

      Also I left the conversation before she had the chance to escalate it into an argument.

    • If she doesn't have a legit excuse as to why she didn't show she's probably not interested and backed out. I'm guessing that your message had a somewhat stern but polite tone to it and she just got pissed and went off on you about being blamed for the situation. Even though you were right, it doesn't even appear to be worth pursuing another date with her since she can't even own up to being wrong for something that was clearly not your fault on a first date.

  • You did the right thing. Now, move on. she's a game player.