Why are dating sites like OkCupid, POF, Tinder etc. anti-male? Why do they never work for men, like they work for women?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Because online-dating is strongly stacked in favour of women. Generally the dating world is already in favour of women as they are the ones being chased after. Online the level of inhibitions I generally lower so girls will get approached A LOT more than in person and thus develop way higher standards than they normally would have.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • All the guys I've met online said they did ok there. And these were run of the mill guys, not super hot or super rich. They were neither drowning in messages nor struggling with none.

    I think online dating pulls in a ton of super socially awkward guys who see it as a potential magic bullet, though. They like that they don't have to do anything but peck out a few sentences to contact a girl, whereas real world approaching is much more nerve wracking. However, many of them still come across as super awkward, with badly taken photos and poor profiles.

    I know a lot of super awkward females, too, but it seems like a lot of them don't even bother. They hang out at each other's houses watching movies and ordering pizza.

    I'd assume the male sex drive & testosterone's "take action" effects make this difference more likely, as does the fact that young women tend to have a bigger peer group to spend time with.

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    • "All the guys I've met online said they did ok there."

      There's is a slight sampling bias there... the guys who messaged you but you didn't meet may well have had a quite different view of it.

    • I know, I just mean that they were normal dudes, not rich or hot guys. I met up with a pretty nerdy guy (took vaca for Renaissaince Faire) and he said he was getting two dates a week when he changed his profile up. I just meant that average joes can do fine, but I think the deck is stacked against some guys, because their counterparts aren't on there, they'd at home.

What Guys Said 7

  • Let's see here...
    (1.) Women are more valued to have around on places like those than men. Why don't bars have free drinks for guys on Fridays like they do women? Oh, because they don't want more men there.
    (2.) The male population has a decent portion of guys that are asswipes. Asswipes love those sites because "all the fine bitches are there" and they can send dick pics to unsuspecting girls. This drives girls away. Also, some guys will message anything with a vagina saying the same damn thing. If you're a guy who's genuinely interested in a girl, you're going to get lost in the sea of messages she has received.
    (3.) Men are expendable, let's face it. If you want women to like your app or dating service, you're going to try and give them the best treatment. Some dating apps/sites exclusively make it where only women have the power. One makes a confirmed woman have to INVITE you to join. Only men who get the invitation in are allowed on, but you see the woman also has to make an account herself to do this. So, if you're a guy who wants to make the cut, you need a female friend willing enough to sign up and invite you, which is awkward to say the least. I think that app got bad reviews simply because there were like no men on there.
    (4.) Too many guys have to do a lot on those sites to stand above the rest, mostly for girls that don't care. Remember how I said there were a ton of guys messaging the same women all the time? A guy would have to present SOMETHING unique about himself over everyone to get a look. On Tinder, probably 90% of the time a woman swipes she gets a match. There's probably dozens of guys she swiped so there's now dozens of matches and dozens of "Hey gurl" messages. Some women on there explicitly STATE you need to message them first AND say something cool in order to get attention. Oh, and half the women on there are just getting their looks validated, so that doesn't help the women actually trying to get a guy.

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    • Good points, what's your perspective in terms of very successful men; doctors, lawyers, investment bankers etc. On dating sites. Do you feel like they end up lowering their standards for a potential partner on sites of such sort?

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    • Most of them are single moms especially the ones ages (25+).

      True, but why is it that on a dating site you'll encounter on average decent looking guys, good career going for them, and everything else along those lines-but, not so much for the women in terms of the amount of them?

    • Well I don't want to say it's "easy" for women to get boyfriends, but usually a normal woman isn't worrying to much about finding a boyfriend, she'll probably "expect" him to come to her.

  • Girls don't message guys as much as guys message girls. So while a girl could receive 100 messages in a week, a guy might see that in a few years. Women therefore can be very selective and choose the best guy. So any given guy has a fraction of a percent of being selected.

    If women could be arsed to message guys first more and guys be more selective about who they message then maybe the fields would be evened.

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  • Men are not as shallow.

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  • I don't understand i used POF and i never thought that, i don't like they way that some offer free entry for women but charge men to join.

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    • No site charges only men to join, at least not "dating sites". Now if you're referring to sugar daddy/sugar baby sites like Seeking Arrangement then yes women are free, and men pay a membership

    • I found loads, mostly adult sites though

    • My point exactly.

  • Tinder works better for women because there are more men on tinder. By far. More men want casual sex.

    I don't know that okcupid is exactly anti-male. I think I've read it actually has roughly equal male and female users.

    What it reflects in brutal clarity is the reality of the open dating market - which is that women in their early 20's are in massive demand. because men are all trying to date (often) towards the early 20s, and some of them are having success, young guys have a challenge - the girls they are pursuing have many more guys pursuing them. That situation starts changing by late 20's, and for older people, men have a -small- advantage over women that persists. Offline, this is less obvious (though still true). Within a university environment for instance, the opportunity for 21 year old girls to date guys in their late 20's is reduced. Online, suddenly it's easy. Even going to clubs, bars etc they tend to be a little divided by age, which downplays the cross-age dating impacts you see online.

    That's one reality.

    The other is that men approach women, a lot, which means women GET approached a lot, and men who don't approach a lot will get left on the sidelines. Also a reality of the dating market.

    Finally, while dating may be roughly even, hooking up isn't. Since hooking up doesn't require monogamy, and since many men who are interested in hooking up prefer to hookup with multiple women, you have more of a 'winner take all' game where some guys sleep with tons of women, and many none.

    Since dating sites all contain a mix of relationship seeking and short term seeking, there's that blend of 'roughly even demographic age factors aside' and 'men are in winner take all competition'. Tinder falls heavily on the latter for example, even aside from it's imbalance in membership.

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  • Most girls there are plain EGOISTIC NEVER BOOST GIRLS EGO!!! So that's why I'm not using that kind of C. R. A. P.

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  • Men to women ratio is like 5:1 and the guy always has to make the 1st move so women call the shots

    Most men give up

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What Girls Said 1

  • I think this has to do with approach. I think men are afraid to be picky about personality and chase after the women whose profiles already get them a lot of attention for being cool or hot. If men choose to be as picky as the women and to genuinely compliment a woman on her uniqueness, then they tend to have better luck. I've known lots of guys who met their girlfriends online.

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