Are guys or girls supposed to text first?

I'm not talking about the first ever text, because that's usually the guy as he usually asks for the girl's number.

But all the subsequent texts - is the guy supposed to be the one to initiate? Or the girl? Yes I know anyone can, but what's the norm/stereotype?

  • Guys
    79% (37)43% (23)59% (60)Vote
  • Girls
    21% (10)57% (31)41% (41)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Gotta switch it up. If I'm always the one texting first, after 1 week I stop texting. I don't know how many times I've stopped talking to a girl because she never texted first. It seems like she's not interested in talking, and I'm not crawling for anyone, so bye bye.
    I bet girls will think the same of a guy that never texts first.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • non applicable.

    norm and stereotype and should are not the same thing. norm is meaningless bc it doesn't represent everyone or your situation. stereotypes are based prejudiced bias. and ';should' only exits to put limitations on peoples natural inclinations. there's on such thing as should , other than respect.

    do what feels right to you so you can be an authentic person. instead of an automaton chasing arbitrary rules that dont represent any real purpose beyond control.

    as for me, i prefer to initiate bc if im doing it i know my intentions, if someone else does it the intentions are unclear bc they are theirs not mine, and im not in their heads.

    now hypothetically speaking, in my opinion if there was a 'should' id say women should initiate. bc it is more direct honest and safer.

    Disambiguation. Women initiating, would create less confusion , more clarity all around. men operate as if women need to be lied to to have sex. so often when a guy only wants sex or casual dating,. He will initiate aiming for sex but , dress it up as liking you or wanting a relationship. it wastes everyones time no one gets what they want and its hurtful. when women want sex they are more direct about it. they dont pretend to want more.

    Safety. Women should initiate -if were going with should- bc they are 99% l;less likely to rape a gut. its safer to be the one arranging things instead of leaving it to someone who can work on coming across as trustworthy. much harder for a guy to targets a woman, if she's the one imitating. he's put into a position of reacting and receptiveness, as apposed to cunning and calculation.

    I do not say this bc of what i believe to be human nature, but rather socially condoned behavior. if guys stopped lying manipulating wasting time and raping or being violent, and being tight that its OK, then it really wouldn't matter who initiates.

    in any case, i think whoever wants should initiate but everyone should be careful discerning not gullible or naive or presumptuous. keep it real, take it one step at a time. focus on behavior and integrity not words signs and cliches. to form judgment.

    ;-)

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What Guys Said 31

  • Whoever wants to write the damn text and establish a communication channel with the other person

    Sex/gender is irrelevant

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  • Many girls are brought up expecting guys to pursue all the time.
    Many guys would appreciate girls to initiate a little more than they do.

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  • I would say either one can do that first, the guy can do that first if he wants too and so can the girl, if the guy and the girl both have a liking to each other then there should be no ego in these things, any one of you can take the first step and the other can take it forward.

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  • There is no norm once you're already in a relationship. The only norm or stereotype applies to the courting phase. Once the relationship is a thing it's whoever whenever.

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  • "Supposed" to? No gender owns the rights to texting first.

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  • I usually get numbers and not text or call...
    there's no stereotype... all i'll say is that if you know its a working number and you have it... at least send a test text. a "hello" works fine.

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  • I don't think it really matters, I text when I have something worthwhile to say... not sit there and text all afternoon. If I want a conversation, I simply text lets get together and talk.

    When it comes to the first text, I think it should be the girl that texts back. The guy has already taken the first step to say "hi", get to know the girl and exchange numbers.

    The least she can do is reciprocate by sending him the first text to let him know that she is still interested.

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  • The stereotype is guys but that gets played out quickly so it better get to 50/50 soon or else a lot of guys bail for perceived lack of interest.

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  • It should be either but if I had to pick I'd say girls as I think they're more likely to initiate small talk whereas guys mostly get straight to the point, only talking about things with substance. Girls are more likely to say "hey whats up" to start off something for example.

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  • I voted 'girls' because there is NO RULE or LAW in who texts first.
    If you want to text the person, just go ahead and do it

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  • It does not matter anymore times have changed

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  • Phone works both ways.

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  • It should go both ways. Normally guys are the ones to initiate but we also want girls to initiate conversations with us, letting us know she cares and thinks about us too.

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  • If a girl said she wanted to date me or she was my girlfriend she better not text me cause I will never respond

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  • Who gives a shit who does it first as long as it gets done?

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  • Most women want equality but you still expect men to text first.

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    • Please think before writing. Social customs have nothing to do with equal rights that every person should have,.

      Many women don't expect men to initiate contact--it clearly depends on the individual. Your biased experience is limited and only a fragment of the billions of realities that coalesce.

      How are you almost 30 and have zero common sense on this issue? This is not an insult, but it drives me insane that older people show an infantile mindset on complex issues. You're allowed to give your opinion... but when it's dead wrong and speaking nonsense to where other people may believe it, I have to say something.

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    • More assumptions. Look dude, you don't know how to have a rational discussion using facts and not your biased opinions. Until you can learn how to, I won't be commenting towards you anymore.

      I keep expecting some logic from you and I have to keep reminding myself that I'm not going to get it sooo... my bad. Have the last say. :)

    • @RationelLioness Then post a question about it.

  • first text guy, but afterwards it should be 50/50

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    • or more accurately if you're interested you text first regardless of gender. after that you expect an equal input from the other person otherwise they are clearly not as interested. there, that is more gender fair although personally I prefer to play role as initiator so for me, it is 'men'.

  • The guy has to do everything cause the girl can't do anything ;)

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  • Yeah, let's point fingers at each other you lazy butts.

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  • It doesn't matter

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  • Does it matter?

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  • Once the girl, once the guy. Sequantially.

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  • WHO FUCKING CARES

    Just text if you want to. Why does gender matter here?

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  • it's 50/50

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  • Doesn't matter, both of them can initiate

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  • Whoever has the flippin balls to initiate.

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  • in an equal world it wouldn't matter

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  • it is said the guy is suppose to text first

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  • I never read that handbook actually.

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  • How about "If you want to text first, then bloody well do it"?

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  • More from Guys
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What Girls Said 19

  • NOOOOOOOOO!
    That's silly. In my eyes, the one who wants to talk, initiates. People overthink that shit too much. Let's not be so timid, shall we? Both are free to start the conversation whenever they wish. There's no code.

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  • It depends on the individual. The common theme in society is that the male usually texts the fe/male about his interest, but that is not an unspoken rule. It simple depends on the persons.

    I for one never text first. If I give a guy my number, I clearly don't know his so he must text (and he is always the one who asks for the number). If I get his number, I never text him.

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  • It doesn't matter.

    My boyfriend texted first. But that's also because he returned home first. We met on vacation in Costa Rica and he flew home 3 days before me. So when I landed in Atlanta I had a text from him.

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  • Guys should do it, that's what society says.

    I don't have problems texting first, but the other person need to fucking answer if I said something, it does not matter how silly it was, you fucking answer. I won't send 2 messages in a row. Just no. If I was the last, you need to be the first.

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  • It should be mutual. If a guy texts you a couple of times, then starting the next conversation is a good way to show you're interested. That was the norm when I was in high school and in college; it's the norm now that I'm a woman with a career too.

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  • It doesn't matter. If I have something relevant to say, I'll text first. I hate that this is even a thing.

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  • whoever cares about the relationship!

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  • Why is there not an option for it doesn't matter?

    To me it's just who ever thinks of it first. I don't care if I'm the first one to do it. If I want to know more about the guy I will message him even if he hasn't.

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  • The "norm" is guys, but I don't usually follow that rule.

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  • Tbh I think the person whose thinking about the other one should text first. But it's stereotypical for a guy to text first

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  • doesn't matter

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  • these stupid texting rules need to die ffs

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  • Whoever has something to say first

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  • doesn't matter. Just be yourself and trust your instincts

    And the dating game is so overated ;)

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  • I don't have a problem texting first. I guess it's the one feeling like texting who should text xD
    I don't think one person should text first all the time, both girls and guys should take the "responsibility" to text first!

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  • For myself it makes little difference.

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  • Whoever wants to. Both guys and girls. Anything else is sexist.

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  • It's funny because we think the opposite gender should text first XD

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  • It really doesn't matter who texts first.

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