Boyfriend has a baby he never mentioned! What do I do?

My boyfriend of six months just told me he has a 8 month old son! He is busy a lot and would have emergency a and have to leave dates every once in awhile or cancel so I was suspecting cheating and he finally tells me he has a baby who he has 75 percent of the time. Should I be mad that he didn't tell me for this long? He says it's because he wants to protect his son from getting attached unless he is serious. He just told me last night and I don't know what to do I feel lied to.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • i'd be pissed he didn't tell. he may want to protect his son from getting attached but 1. he doesn't have to lie about having a child and 2. an infant son is not going to get attached to a person all that quickly and not quick enough for the son to realize who that person is or the capacity to which they are involved in his life.

    i think it would take me some time to figure this out. if i felt an incredible connection to him id consider staying with him but if there were other issues this one may take the cake

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    • Thanks.

      No other issues at all we have talked about the future and everything even talked about living together when my lease is up in March. But that's what bothers me talking about things like that means he had plenty of times to tell me! And like you said his son is 8 months like he has any idea. I understand not having me meet him but I don't get why he couldn't have just told me. I also don't mind that he has a son at all even though it's almost full time.

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    • can totally understand. like i said initially i would probably need a few days to wrap my head around this (at least a few days) before i could talk to the person. it is certainly a fairly big bombshell to drop at 6 months.

    • Thanks for your help. Yah huge ass bombshell. I feel like if he didn't have his son soooo much it wouldn't be so big but being a full time dad is a lot and it's a lot for the girlfriend also.

Most Helpful Girl

  • I also feel like he lied. Something so important should be disclosed up front, very close to the beginning. He could've explained that he didn't want to introduce the two of you for a while to spare the attachment and loss if it didn't work out.

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    • Exactly. I would have been okay with it also. I just hate being lied to!

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    • He is seriously perfect in every other way. I asked him if he had any other secrets and he said " my son was never a secret I just didn't want to complicate things until I knew it was worth it and now i do. "

    • Well, it's your call. I usually lean toward trusting my gut feelings about men. If you think he's trustworthy still, then maybe it's worth it. I'd still be very disappointed that he hid something so important.

      Good luck!

What Guys Said 4

  • Well he should have told u so u have the right to be pissed but if he is telling the truth then u shouldn't be mad at him, he is only trying to look after his baby which means he's quite a caring and responsible father

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    • I know and I understand that but I feel like maybe I'm not as important to him as I thought if he could hide that. I work with kids for a career so it's not like that would have been a deal breaker.

    • Talk to him

  • Eh.. it just didn't come up yet i guess... dont be mad or you stand the possibility of ruining something good.

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    • I work with kids for my career and we have talked about the future a lot. I don't know how it possibly didn't come up!

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    • But he didn't really give me a chance to choose before I fell in love with him! He was talking about moving in together in March when my lease is up but now I'm kind of freaked out.

    • You are just going through jitters... you are fine

  • Holy moly! Lets do the math... 8 months minus 6 months equals 2 months. So In other words he left his girlfriend/wife pretty much right after she had a baby. Great guy he is.

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    • His ex girlfriend overdosed while pregnant and he left her after that he now has him 75 percent and his ex's parents have the other just because he works. Found this out all last night. I was wondering also. Then I said wow just left a girl after she had your kid? Then he told me and I felt like the worst person on the face of this earth.

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    • Yah seriously!

    • I don't know how he managed to keep it a secret that long!

  • It makes sense that he doesn't want them getting attached. It doesn't make sense not to tell you

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    • Exactly I feel like he could have told me and just had me wait to meet him!

What Girls Said 4

  • Honestly, I would not be okay with this, I could understand him not telling you at first, but 6 months? What the hell. I would feel hurt in the sense he pursued a relationship without telling me HUGE part of his life. While you're dating.. seeing each other whatever (before dating) its okay he didn't tell you, but after confirming your relationship I think its huge... it's responsible of him for saying he doesn't want his son to get attached if he's not serious.. but 6 months?

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    • Exactly exactly exactly!! He so trying to say he also didn't want to bring all that drama into our relationship so early because he thinks it would have ruined us. But it's such a huge thing I mean he was talking about moving in together when my lease is up in March. Which means I would have a baby around 6 days a week. I'm okay with it but I think it should have been discussed early on!

    • "Might have ruined us" thats not for him to decide. It's up to you whether you want to be with someone who has a baby, it's out of their control. I agree with you.

    • That's pretty much what I said. I think he is starting to understand why I'm so mad. I just wanted to be sure I wasn't over thinking it!

  • You do have the right to feel mad because he lied to you! He should have told you the truth from the start. You should talk with him about this but first think about it, does it bother you he has a son? if it does than it is probably better to break up with him but if it doesn't bother you can stay with him and tell him that he should never lie to you againn and if there is something else he hasn't told you yet he better do it now. :)

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    • I'm okay with it. Just hurts that he didn't take our relationship seriously enough to tell me something sooo important as having a child.

  • The reason he told you as to why he didn't tell you for six months sounds like bullshit. He could of told you from the beginning that he had a child without his kid meeting you. What you do is up too you, but your definitely entitled to be upset. That's pretty important information to withhold from you.

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  • He should have told you right from the start. It doesn't mean he has to introduce you to him right away you should just be aware that he does have one.

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