Would you feel resentful towards your partner if they had a significantly larger sexual history than you prior to the relationship or marriage?

It seems like many women these days are refusing men sex and demanding that they wait until marriage for sex.

'Make him wait'

Has become cliched dating advice for women because they think the man will not respect her or think she is too easy or something if she has sex too early.

However, it rarely occurs to women that some men may feel inadequate because they are not as sexually experienced and they do not want to feel small in comparison to their long-term partner - the person they fall in love with.

  • I am a virgin and I expect my partner to be a virgin.
    18% (24)26% (25)21% (49)Vote
  • I would never want to be less experienced than my long-term partner.
    8% (11)11% (11)10% (22)Vote
  • I would not mind being less experienced than my long-term partner as long as I was not a virgin.
    12% (16)9% (9)11% (25)Vote
  • It would not matter if I was a virgin: I still would not mind being less experienced than my long-term partner but only if they did not sleep around much.
    29% (39)21% (21)26% (60)Vote
  • My long-term partner's sexual history does not matter: they can have had sex as much as they want prior to meeting me.
    33% (43)33% (32)32% (75)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
Updates:
Bandit74: 'Personally id prefer a girl who has a similar number of partners. I know I won't get a virgin, but I dont want to settle down with a girl and have her be my first and only while Im one of like 8 other guys who she's hooked up with.'
'Partner for life' is actually a better way of phrasing the question.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I wouldn't feel "resentful" towards a girl that has more sexual partners than me, but if that number goes overboard then my attraction/feelings towards her will only go down a notch.

    Luckily for all of us, there's nothing hidden between heaven and earth, so you'll find out who you are dating. And as soon as I find out I'm dating someone who had several "sexual flings" then I'm out, cause I don't go around sleeping with girls and our view of sex is not the same.

    Voted D, if she dated other guys, and was involved in relationships before me, cool. Messing around and casual sex/night stands don't go with me though.

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    • Yea I should have said 'would you feel inadequate ' as in humiliated by her greater experience than yours. Good comment. I think it would be especially bad if you still liked the girl but you could not stop thinking about her previous partners (compared to your own virginity or inexperience).

      Thanks.

What Girls Said 36

  • I don't have a problem with a guy's sexual history as long as he didn't sleep around. That is a turn off to me. I didn't take care of who I shared my body with only to end up with someone who didn't care. That's not OK for me :)

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  • Don't care about their past.

    And I don't care about their experience either, s/he can have too much or no experience at all.

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  • I am not a virgin. But I don't have too many partners. I've had 2 bfs. So I want a partner similar amount. I would highly prefer him not to be a virgin because I don't want bad sex. And I'm too lazy to teach someone. I don't get the whole virgin obsession. But I guess for guys it doesn't matter if she's a dead fish, he'll probably still cum.

    But I don't want a guy who's been around the block either. I prefer anywhere from 1-5 partners.
    But I guess if he was amazing, I'd give a virgin or guy with 5+(but no more than 15) a chance.

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    • Thing about that is you will never know

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    • Yo * also first, time XD

  • I chose D. If he slept around a lot, that's unattractive. If he had a large number of girlfriends, that's a warning flag as well.

    But it DOES make sense for women to wait before sleeping with a man if she's thinking about actually dating him. Many guys want to fuck within the first few dates and that's how a lot of "players" squeeze in: they pretend to like the girl, get in her pants, and then ditch. The woman can protect herself by utilizing the 3 month rule if she chooses: she'd be able to weed out PLENTY of men only wanting to have sex with her and nothing serious that way.

    Sure, she may also miss out on a guy who wanted a relationship as well. But I would think a lot of guys would be respectful of the woman and her wishes to wait if they wanted her and if she wanted to wait.

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    • If a woman has a history of multiple one night stands and casual sex hook-ups, and only imposes the "3 month rule" on men she sees as long term partner material, It's wrongful and insulting! No man wants a pretended demure innocent woman act from a female who opens her legs early for others!

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    • I don't think I said anything about 'making a connection ', just avoid getting strung along and made to wait for something other guys got freely and readily. About 5 guys including me have told you what they think so I don't think I am alone. The guys who went along probably did so begrudgingly barring a very small few who probably thought along similar lines.

    • Girls who 'make him wait' tend to be into the most dull and mundane vanilla sex there is.

  • I'm not a virgin. I gave my virginity to the guy I fell in love with/ saw a future with (but not under the false impression that because we had sex, we were getting married).
    My partner had been with 4 women before me. It bugged me a little at first, but he told me that he regretted most of them, & since there's nothin he can to do take it back, I let it go. I was also in hopes that maybe, just maybe, we'd be eachother's last.
    Anyway, because I am no longer a virgin, I don't expect my future partner to be one. But I really believe that sexual history, the number, and the partner's heart matters. If he was wild and slept with a bunch of women just because, I'm not into that. If he's slept with a few women who were girl friends/meant a lot to him, I can accept that. I don't believe in having sex with someone you don't love, and I'd like my partner to feel the same, whatever his number of past partners are

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  • I assume my guy has had more than me but it's really none of my business as long as his number isn't rising while in the relationship.

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    • 'as long as his number isn't rising while in the relationship.'

      haha good point

    • lol you have the perfect answer to wherever a conversation like this would go i literally dont need to read anymore response :P
      people change and make certain decisions at certains times in their life to get them to where they need to be, is a journey and everyone's is different including sexual experiences. thats my view sorry to hijack your great comment :D

  • If I had sex with someone who like had sex with a bunch of people, because someone said it to me like this one time, I feel like I've had sex with all those people as well. A friend of mine got pregnant by a guy who has 3 other kids and she said that his other kid's mother was dirty. And I just went, "Well if she's dirty and he had sex with her that makes him dirty and you had sex with him which makes you dirty. So you can't really talk about her." Point of the matter is I'd rather be in the same range as my partner because I just feel like I'm having sex with everyone he's had sex with and he's having sex with everyone I've had sex with.

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  • if I knew about it I'd be completely turned off. that's why I don't ask. it's more important to know he's clean.

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  • Resenting them for having sex would be just as bad as them resenting me for still being a virgin. If they're okay with my inexperience, I'd be fine with them having that experience.

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  • I understand that people like sex. It's a pleasurable thing. I would make him wait awhile before we did anything just to be sure I wasn't the next conquest, but definitely not till marriage (unless that happened fairly fast)

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  • I admit that sometimes I get jealous-- not resentful-- of my boyfriend for his greater sexual experience. I was a virgin before meeting him, but he had been with three other girls before me. Part of me wishes I had a larger sexual history too.

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  • As long as there is no risk of any STD or STI I don't care about their sexual history. As long as I am being respected, in a sense of them not talking sexual to previous partners and what not.

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  • if they had a larger sexual history than you - ok
    if they had a significantly larger sexual history than you - no

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  • in retrospect, the less partners the better. A high amount of partners means that we don't view sex the same way.

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  • Well I wouldn't say I'd resent him but I'd prefer a partner with a reasonably low "head count". Someone who values sex as something special.
    That being said, it's not a huge deal to me unless he was hypocrite about it

    So I voted A but none really apply to me. Too many ifs in your options

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    • So for you,

      'It would not matter if I was a virgin: I still would not mind being less experienced than my long-term partner but only if they did not sleep around much.'

      Would be more accurate?

      True, I should have said, 'would you feel inadequate' rather than 'would you feel resentful' but it is something that men are more likely to relate to on the whole.

    • oh ya i missed that

  • I voted D because well not too many partner that i am scared to get some infection or whatever.

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    • True, although you and your future partner should get tested anyway.

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    • past the barbed wire and straight into no-man's land.

    • hahah lol I think a reasonable number maybe 10 but than i would throw red flags every where? esp if he like 20 something... hahah

  • I wouldn't be in a relationship with a guy who has been with a lot of women.

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  • I'm a virgin but I know that I would not get a virgin. I prefer a guy with some experience but I would never date a guy who sleeps around because he can't control his hormones.

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  • i don't mind

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  • I would prefer that he is a virgin but it's not expected.

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  • I would never want to be less experienced than my long-term partner.

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    • I feel similarly but I can't see how this policy can be effectively implemented lol.

  • I am a virgin don't expect him to be past is past. if it was like he was rapist or something hell naw.
    But if he wants me he has to wait. Past is past if it becomes present we have a problem

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    • See, that's fine as long as you are a virgin yourself. It's when you are not but demand this grand gesture of abstinence from your partner that I cannot empathise with.

  • I am a virgin and while I'd strongly prefer one due to my preference for shared religious beliefs, which includes that premarital sex is morally abhorrent. However, if he has slept with a few people (people he was seriously involved with-- I could never date someone who sees sex as something you can casually do) I could deal with that. I would feel insecure about it but I am a naturally insecure person in the first place so I could get past it. It's not that i'm being judgmental, it's just that I need someone who values it in the same way I do. I would not say I expect one however, I just have a strong preference for it. It's fair as I plan to wait until marriage, and it does not deal with forcing him to respect me.

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    • 'I am a virgin and while I'd strongly prefer one due to my preference for shared religious beliefs, which includes that premarital sex is morally abhorrent'

      That seems a fair belief. Although I do not have the religious convictions, maybe if more people thought like this, more relationships would last and there would be less feelings of inadequacy.

  • first option applies to me so NA.

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    • even as a virgin you will probably have some inclination about how you might feel being in a position where you may have to choose a partner who has not been as virtuous as you.

    • i definitely will not, as i know I've had numerous opportunities and never took them.

    • So that would imply first option? What's NA? Not applicable?

  • I wonder if these people who said they don't care how many if the person was a former sex worker (in any industry).

    Also I don't know what you've been hearing but from what I've seen and read as of recently some women want to be able to have as much random sex as guys without being labeled a slut.

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    • Realistically though, they do not unless he is a very elite status male. This means that most men will by and large be sexually unsatisfied in their 20s. By their 30s, they will have to settle for someone with a significantly larger sexual history. This person will most likely be in a lower league than the male (attractiveness and status wise) and will expect commitment (marriage) before sex.

  • Many?
    Whaaat.

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  • I was a virgin when I started dating my husband, and was not. He is very experienced and I like it myself. He has been with many women and but he married me not them,

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    • do you think most men would feel the same though given societal attitudes towards inexperienced men, e. g.

      'male virgins are unmasculine'
      'I feel sorry for a man that has to marry an experienced woman, especially if he is a virgin to begin with'

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    • Well part of the reason why the inexperienced guy wouldn't feel as flattered has to do with dating dynamics.
      Usually the guy is the one who proposes.

      Your husband was a guy lots of women slept with and likely tried to get him to commit but he didn't want to propose to any of them. So you got something lots of girls wanted but couldnt get.

      A promiscuous girl is a girl lots of guys slept with but chances are none of them wanted to propose. So being the guy to who marries her, you're doing something lots of guys COULD have done but didn't want to. Also if the guy is the higher income earner, he's taking a bigger risk. Its not as flattering.

    • ok so you think I am just an anomaly?

  • Frankly, my partner's sexual history (prior to me) is no more my business, than mine is theirs. That being said, you and your partner should be in the same page when it comes to sexuality, in respects to one another.

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  • they could sleep around prior to me i wouldn't care that's their business and it happened before me. but if it was honestly a lot i would ask to be tested if we weren't gonna use condoms

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  • I can tell my boyfriend is a bit upset that I've gotten to like 3rd base with other guys before we lost our virginities to each other. I think I'd be upset too if it were flipped. I wouldn't like it at all if the guy had been with a lot of girls and basically slept around whenever he could. I would think he wasn't very respectful and that I didn't matter much, and that he probably only saw me as another notch in his belt before getting to know me better and that he could easily move on from me.

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What Guys Said 33

  • Girls have this mentality where" If a guy is hot but NOT relationship material then Ill have sex right away since they dont care if he respect them. However when the meet a who is relationship material by their standards they will make him wait for sex so he doesn't think she's easy.

    Usually the guy who the girl dates has a lower partner count than the guys she hooked up with. Furthermore, he often has a lower partner count than she does, but she will lie.

    Guys who have the traits that are conventionally desirable for relationships won't get as many offers for casual sex so they will typically have lower partner counts.

    Personally id prefer a girl who has a similar number of partners. I know I won't get a virgin, but I dont want to settle down with a girl and have her be my first and only while Im one of like 8 other guys who she's hooked up with.

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    • 'Personally id prefer a girl who has a similar number of partners. I know I won't get a virgin, but I dont want to settle down with a girl and have her be my first and only while Im one of like 8 other guys who she's hooked up with.'

      I think that's fair.

    • doesn't matter if its fair though

      I think experienced guys are more likely to settle down with inexperienced girls.

  • i don't feel resentful of a partners sexual past. i consider it but more often than not wouldn't draw any conclusions (negative anyway) about them

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    • perhaps I should have asked 'would you feel inadequate compared to your partner if they had a lager sexual history' or 'would you feel sexually inadequate in comparison to your partner's sexual history'.

    • in all honesty i've never seriously dated anyone who'd had significantly more partners than me, so i guess i can't say from experience but almost all girls i've dated have had sex prior to be with me and i don't really compare myself or even think about how I rank compared to their past partners

    • ah I see. it is something that bothers me personally but at the same time I can appreciate why people may think I am being over-sensitive or that I have too much ego.

  • I don't mind if she has a few more sexual partners, but if she has a lot more, then no. It's not because she has a bigger number than me, but I don't like girls who go around sleeping with random guys every weekend, they're not relationship material.
    I'm not a virgin so I don't expect another virgin. I'm not inexperienced either, so I don't expect a woman with a very low number, but I don't want a woman with a very high one.

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    • 'I'm not a virgin so I don't expect another virgin. I'm not inexperienced either, so I don't expect a woman with a very low number'

      But if you were a virgin or inexperienced do you think or feel that you would?

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    • Past matters, cause the past is what brought you where you are now.

    • very true. you're one of the few posters that I agree with on most things.

  • I don't have an opinion on the actual poll but I would not date a girl who wanted to wait for marriage to have sex.

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  • I never understand any person that wants to discuss sexual history. it has no bearing on your relationship at all. I rather not be with a virgin (when I as young). but if a woman tried a "make him wait" then she will do it with another guy. Sex is a very important part of an adult relationship. Waiting til marriage is irresponsible and stupid.

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    • 'Sex is a very important part of an adult relationship. Waiting til marriage is irresponsible and stupid.'

      Agreed 100%

      I really hate the 'make him wait' philosophy.

    • I agree with you.

  • I'm doubt all the people who chose the last option considering how I've seen a ton of females here saying a certain amount of partners = deal breaker

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    • hmm in my experience talking to men and women it does seem to bother men a lot more. in fact being a sexually inexperienced woman, they almost seem to get some sort of gratification losing their virginity to a sexually experienced man. it is like he becomes a paternal figure to them and he is now 'taking care of the former virgin' - somebody who has kept in tac their moral virtue and sexual purity.

      for men on the other hand, nobody really respects them if they are still virgins and/or sexually inexperienced. they are never considered sexually pure or morally virtuous because they are not usually virgins by choice. they are instead considered unmasculine and lacking in the social savvy required to have sex and as a consequence, most desirable women would prefer not to be in a relationship with them or have sex with them.

  • Most guys have a problem being with a girl with an extensive sexual history not because of feelings of inadequacy but because they fear she won't be loyal. If she has a reputation for drinking, partying and hooking up then how does the guy know she stay that way when they're dating? Women I'm sure have similar concerns when dating someone who's a known womanizer so it's not exactly a gender specific question. Most guys wouldn't have a problem fucking a girl who's known for being a slut, if it was an issue regarding their sexual prowess compared to her other partners then they wouldn't even do that. It all boils down to loyalty and a guy wouldn't want to enter into a relationship with a girl when he's worried she won't stay faithful.

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    • Just to clarify I'm not saying she shouldn't be given a chance; people can change and everyone has a past. I was just offering a possible reason some guys would have a problem with it.

    • I think actually a guy who feels inadequate about his inexperience is more likely to cheat than someone content with their numbers, although the latter may be more adept at it.

  • I don't know my thing is i hate the idea of of her saying i was with 15 different guys before i meet ya but i can't really hold it against her
    I haven't been around the block but that's because in high school i was kinda against being a man whore and using women. I had 2 of the hottest girls in my school like me but i didn't feel anything towards them.
    But 2 ansr your question around my age an accountable amount of partners is 5-7, the only reason I don't say more is because if you have more than that you are just trying to use sex 2 cope with life and that will rub off on our relationship

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  • E
    I don't care as long as she's loyal and clean. Shit happens and I don't mean that in a negative way.. they had the chance and they took lol

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  • I know far to many young lady's that sleep with 10/12 even 30+ people being 19-23

    I find it disgusting and since there friends with most there always those joke and little secrets they have together that makes me wanna puke.

    So I swore off dating... Much rather be alone then with someone who's been around the block.

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  • That would bother me a lot, definitely. But, as long as the gap is not too big, i think i'd be able to keep the resentment under control.

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  • I'm a virgin and my girlfriend is a virgin too and that's the only girl I'd date. It'd hurt me a lot to have a girl that wouldn't be a virgin because I just have problems with overthinking and I'd do that every single time. If I wouldn't know tho and I'd already love her, I would keep her in case she's not a slut. Sluts don't deserve anyone to love them and they should stay alone when they've chosen that way. (sorry for bad grammar)

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    • 'It'd hurt me a lot to have a girl that wouldn't be a virgin because I just have problems with overthinking and I'd do that every single time'

      do you think you could overcome these feelings of inadequacy if you had sex before you met this girl? or would you demand that your first girl was a virgin also?

    • Good comment. Both, my girl and I had sexual experiences with exes but never real sex (vaginal). If I'd be as stupid when I was younger, Id regret it more than I already regret my past and if it'd really happen, I wouldn't demand her to be a virgin. And as I've said, if I wouldn't know and I'd already love her, I'd be with her and I'd get over it for her (in case she's not/been a slut as I've said)

    • 'If I'd be as stupid when I was younger, Id regret it more than I already regret my past and if it'd really happen, I wouldn't demand her to be a virgin.'

      Far points.

  • I dunno about resentful but I'd feel inadequate. Particularly because I'm inexperienced at the moment.

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    • do you think maybe that inadequacy could turn into resent at the opposite sex, if not your significant other, considering the fact women by and large rejected you prior to your monogamous relationship which is what led to your feelings of inadequacy?

    • It indeed 'can' but it doesn't have to if you don't let it to.

    • ok, thank you for your honesty.

  • I honestly wouldn't mind waiting. I was with my current girlfriend for over 4 months before we finally had sex and we haven't even done it regularly but it doesn't change how much I love her.

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  • She would have to be really busy to have had more partners. But if she did, im cool with that. Just dont bring any incurable diseases into my bed.

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  • To me, sexual history doesn't matter, as long as they aren't giving me and STDs, or if any baby's daddies are showing up. In fact, I *prefer* a woman w/ experience!

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  • I voted A but it's not really true that I expect her to be a virgin, at least I isn't expect many women to be virgins on purpose in today's society at my age.

    I just wouldn't want her to be a hoe. It's fine if she's had like 4 boyfriends or so and had sex, whatever, they were in a committed relationship. If she was engaging in casual sex though, she most likely doesn't value meaningful sex though and is probably less likely to commit. That's what worries me about a girl that has a lot of casual partners, that and veneral disease of course.

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    • ok, so for you the option,

      'It would not matter if I was a virgin: I still would not mind being less experienced than my long-term partner but only if they did not sleep around much.'

      would have been more accurate?

      I admit it was phrased a little clunky. this option seems to be pretty much the consensus view.

  • Is sexual history larger... or longer... ?

    #Sophistry

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    • heh.

      larger I guess since we're talking about number of partners in this context, not the period of time in which the sexual encounters took place

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    • That's really quite impressive and I commend you. I've not such bravery.

    • it is not an easy feat

  • I don't care if she has more experience. I do mind if she has quite a lot of experience but then, if she was like that, she wouldn't be my girlfriend in the first place.

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  • I would hope their sexual exploits would be extensive, epic, and unfinished.

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    • would this be true even if you were a virgin about to settle down into a marriage with this woman (out of love but not necessarily acceptance of the unilateral difference in sexual experience).

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    • It absolutely can, just not for me.

    • so even as a virgin, if you met someone that you truly loved and wanted to spend the rest of your life with monogamously (rather than ruin a special relationship by sleeping with other women) but she had already been with other men, there would be no thoughts of inadequacy or other men that she had previously been with slipping into your mind?

  • Doesn't matter to me one bit what happened before me

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  • it depends on their age. if she started having sex at 14 or 15 i would be very concerned. if she started at 18 or 19, is now 25, and has had 5-6 partners i am okay with that. i have had 7 partners since age 20.

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    • would you feel the same as a virgin dating a woman (long-term dating, i. e. future wife or partner for life) with 5-6 partners, or do you think your feelings of inadequacy could undermine your love for that woman?

    • Inadequate? Are you serious? Any person who measures the value of a man by the number of sexual conquests he has made is a complete fool. A man is judged by the content of his character.

    • True but these men are more likely to judge themselves, not necessarily other men.

  • Well any girl I date would as I never had sex before

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    • how would you feel about settling into a long-term relationship with a woman who had a significantly larger sexual history than you. i. e. if your future wife or partner for life was much more experienced than you, would you feel inadequate compared to them.

    • I probably wouldn't which is why I'll probably never be in a relationship cause most do

    • But then never dating is going to be pretty rough.

  • I don't mind. Any number is fine.

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  • Never done it before myself, but the virgin part isn't so terribly important. I was raised in a no-sex-before-marraige environment, but my personal philosophy is no-sex-before-love, and I'd want to be with someone who has a similar outlook.

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  • Sexual compatibility is more important than numbers.
    If you want some skills, then study porn, don't watch, study.
    There are some good techniques you can use.

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    • I think most people can agree that a person's pornographic repertoire does not equate to their own sexual experience. most would agree that it is also very unrealistic for the most part and therefore does not enhance one's sexual prowess.

    • Then I just must be good.

    • what kind of porn are you thinking? soft porn? hard porn? female masturbation kind of thing or amateur porn that is more realistic and conducive to the woman's pleasure.

  • I don't mind if a woman my age has around 5-7 partners, if she's had more than that I would consider her a slut and would not enter a relationship with her. I have had one sexual partner and I don't care if she is more experienced than me.

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    • do you think you would feel the same if you were a virgin and were about to marry this woman?

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    • Yes but I would prefer it to be less.

    • fair enough

  • I'd prefer a virgin.

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  • Depends. With my first girlfriend we were both virgin. My second we never talked about it. My third literally rubbed it in my face and told me details about her sexual past one night... I left her right after that...

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    • At least with your third however you had had prior experience.

    • Doesn't mean I want to hear every place they did it in and what positions...

  • This just proves why people are better off having sex after marriage X)

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    • it's a possible solution but you would still get partners with more experience, e. g. if a woman had more than one husband if, for example one of her husbands died or she had a divorce.

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