Am I "too nice" or "too sweet" for a boyfriend?

There seems to be a common theme in how I get rejected. Basically I start seeing this guy, he seems nice. We may even become girlfriend and boyfriend. We date for a while and then he comes to me and says he doesn't have any feelings for me, but that I am just "too sweet" and "too nice" and it's hard for him to let me go.

Is it really that much of a turn off to be sweet and nice to your bf? I am a really nice person by nature. But for some reason that's not a good way to be? I have many friends who can be so nasty towards their bf's, yet they stay together :S They boss them around and control their lives. I can't imagine doing that to anyone. But should I just start being more mean? I mean honestly it seems like I can't get ahead the way that I am now. People either don't think it's genuine, or I seem like a doormat, I just can't win.

I do stick up for myself. But I am pretty easy going, so I don't do it unless I'm really upset or really do not want to do something. I have my own life as well, I am also independent, but I love spending time with a guy that I really like.

So, I'm kind of confused. I really don't want to have to pretend to be a big mean person, but I'm beginning to see that all the women who are really mean seem to be married. I want a family and marriage someday too. So should I force myself to change?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Never force yourself to change for the purpose of pleasing someone else. That is a formula guaranteed to make you miserable.

    The problem with girls who are "nice" is that it sometimes feels fake and it is hard to connect with someone who always presents a false front. Don't stop being nice but do let your boyfriend know when you are feeling upset, angry, or have any harsh feelings towards someone else. Don't be afraid to let your boyfriend see you cry. Let your guard down and be yourself. . . but don't try to be anyone else.

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What Guys Said 4

  • There isn't really such a thing called being too sweet or too nice to your boyfriend since well there's a relationship, though it is normal to argue in a relationship since no relationships are 100% perfect. Your friend boyfriend just different type of guys doesn't mean that all the guys are like that, just means the guys around you are of that similar trait.

    Wanting to change is Normal, but i wouldn't force yourself to change unless its needed to help your life style. Such as Should change to wake up early instead of sleeping late? Yes. Should i Be mean to people that are mean to me. Yes unless there your boss. and all those kinda stuff.

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  • Keep being yourself. You'll meet a guy who likes you for you and that will be a much healthier relationship

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  • You sound like girlfriend material to me, I would love a woman like you.

    These guys are clearly morons is all I am going to say and they must have mashed up heads.

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  • Ok so yes there is such a thing as bein 'too nice'. If u r nice all the time sure that can be good but it gets boring and the guys get sick of nothing happening. No drama, no fun, no ups and downs. Its always the same and they know what u r gonna say bc u r nice all the time. So how do we change that so u r more fun and guys wanna stick around. Being mean isn't really the answer bc who wants someone to be mean to them. I sure dont like people being mean to me. But u look at other peoples relationships and see that they do fight but still stay together. This is bc its a more dynamic relationship. There are ups and downs, its unpredicatble and more fun believe it or not. But there are ways to make a relationship more dynamic and fun without being mean. One thing u can do is playful teasing. This is really great bc its kinda insulting but really isn't. Say if u teased a guy bc he wore a funny shirt or whatever. U dont have to be mean, but if u tease him about and laugh and stuff he might tease back and that can be really fun. Of course u try not to hurt their feelings but playful teasing is fun and keeps the reltionship on edge and being dynamic. I personally love teasing even tho im a nice guy and would never want to be mean to anyone. U can also be a little cheeky and say things that could be mean but actually say it as a joke. Do u ever hear a guy call a girl a 'bitch'. She might feel angry but if he laughs and says it as a joke, she knows that he doenst really mean it and she may even laugh about it. Just call a guy a 'fucking retard' when he misses the ball in football or something and laugh. It might seem mean but he knows u dont mean it and its kinda funny to laugh at stupid mistakes. So try not to be so nice and perceived as boring. Try to be a little unpredictable and use playful teasing. Of course it has to be delivered right so they know u r joking. Always smile or be cheeky or whatever and they won't take it as a serious comment. U can pretty much get away with saying the most outrageous things but if its delivered right it can be funny and the guys will actually love it when it when u tease them. But be prepared to be teased back and it can be a lot of fun. Sorry for making this so long but i hope this helps.

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What Girls Said 2

  • I think guys are really just letting you down nicely by telling them you it's difficult to let you go. You have to understand that guys need more just like girls to feel attracted to a girl. Just being sweet and nice isn't enough. They also need to feel chemistry and compatibility. In relationships you see how compatible you are and that's where at some point a decision has to be made on whether to stay or go. I really doubt you are "too nice" or "too sweet". The problem is dimply that the guys aren't your right matches and realized this. The reality is that many people have to go through rejections and failed relationships to meet their right match. In fairy tale land we meet someone and everything just works out great. However reality is different.

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  • It isn't so much about being mean, but when somebody is the definition of "too nice", typically this means that they seem to have nothing more to offer than kindness. The issue with that is, while being kind is great, it doesn't make the entirety of a relationship. It's like when "nice guys" complain about being rejected for being "too nice"; it can come across like you're a pushover, like you're too passive, or that you rely solely on making someone else happy rather than bringing anything else to the table.

    No guy who says you're too nice is asking you to be a "big mean person", but rather they want more out of the relationship than a "Yes" girl - or at least I imagine. Ultimately, if you want to change I'd just say make your needs a priority and be open to voicing opinions, but if you don't want to, then don't. You'll eventually find a guy who is okay with how you are.

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