Why my student is not a bitch to me?

I'm a college professor and I have a student that is super quiet and a bit flirtatious with me. Monday we were doing classwork and when I came to assist her I asked her if she knew how to solve the problems and she said no. I insisted to her to make the effort. She kept looking at me and that's when I think I was an asshole and said to her "don't just spend your time looking at me, your classmate here is trying and you... come on think?" She then looked at me again and that's when I realized the whole class was extra quiet. I could see in her eyes that I had made her feel bad, but I couldn't step back. When the class was over she gor up from her seat and with a smile she wished me a good weekend. Why is she like this? She could have insulted me or be extra cold...

  • She's not resentful
    15% (3)14% (3)15% (6)Vote
  • She likes you and she can't resent you
    10% (2)19% (4)15% (6)Vote
  • She just had to hold herself from insulting you
    25% (5)19% (4)22% (9)Vote
  • She deserves an apology, cuz you fucked up.
    50% (10)48% (10)48% (20)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
Updates:
You see I became impatient when I asked her a simple question and she just kept looking at me. It was a blank effortless look, unlike her classmate that seemed to be making the effort to solve the problem, that got to me and I ended up saying what I told her. I felt bad when she looked at me again, it was a look of shame and then I realized she was sincere when she said she didn't know the answer.
I messed up! Before I helped her I even accused her of not helping her classmate and then she said "oh I didn't help her because I don't remember how to solve that problem so I skipped it" so I checked her work and that's when I started asking her questions and said the things I said. Now I don't know what to do, how do I apologize?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Yea, you pretty much acted like a douche the next time you see her i suggest you apologize, but not in a creepy way.

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What Girls Said 10

  • maybe she afraid of you and respects u?

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    • Usually she just looks at me and is always quiet, I've seen her talk to her classmates but she avoids asking me questions or talking to me.

    • yeah she afraid of you and respect you! I did that with my teacher because i was afraid to give the wrong answer so most teacher ask me simple question!

  • she probably felt embarrassed because it was completely quiet and you were telling her to try and she probably felt you said it loud and made her looks stupid. sometimes professors do this to me and i don't know what to say or do because in my head this is what i am thinking:
    data2.whicdn.com/.../...842_1801551523_n_large.jpg

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  • I think it may have taken a lot for her to accept your comment and move past it without seeming harmed in any way by the end of the class, but I think you should still apologize to her. She obviously respects your authority over her, and probably realizes the mistake she made once you pointed it out in front of the class (this is how I took from the way you wrote it). Her own embarrassment will discourage her from repeating whatever mistake she made, but without an apology from you she might lose a little bit of respect for you as a person.

    It isn't necessary for you to apologize to effectively do your job, but I think it would be a good idea for both her and your sake.

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  • She obviously chose to be the better person, she's clearly much more mature than you gave her credit for. You basically tried to humiliate her and instead of crumbling under pressure, she owned the situation and showed that she was going to be the more mature person by not being resentful.

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  • That was rude of you, she sounds shy and u made it worse

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    • You see I became impatient when I asked her a simple question and she just kept looking at me. It was a blank effortless look, unlike her classmate that seemed to be making the effort to solve the problem, that got to me and I ended up saying what I told her. I felt bad when she looked at me again, it was a look of shame and then I realized she was sincere when she said she didn't know the answer. What should I do? How do I apologize to her?

    • Honestly just the way you treated her in the classroom , apologise in front of everyone... and tell her what you did was wrong.

    • Ok, I'll take your suggestion. Thank you! 😊👍🏼

  • I suggest an apology from you, it was a bit out of line to go that far. You can encourage without being rude. I think she probably didn't want dramas and just wants to get through her education and isn't resentful. Picking fights with teachers or professors is in no ones best interest. When she said she didn't understand you could have tried to help her, or got a classmate to help her out instead.

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  • She's plotting your murder.

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  • She likes you

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  • you dont know what is going on in her personal life. maybe it was an off day for her she might have broken up with her boyfriend the night before. maybe she just didn't have coffee of breakfast so her brain litterally quit on her. but she knew it was her fault or maybe she is just a good person and didn't resent you fir a one time act

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  • So there is a pretty big chance that she has a thing for you. When I saw this question I had to laugh because I mean come on can't you picture this as a book? Quite student falls for professor. How much more clishe could you get. But despite this you completely messed up. Yes it is highly inappropriate for her to be all googly eyes in class. But in the end you were the one who looked immature. She handled the situation like a mature adult and you say there and let her get humiliated by her fellow students. So to make it simple: you fucked up! The question is: what are you going to do about it?

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    • Geez, I did fucked up! Before I helped her I even accused her of not helping her classmate and then she said "oh I didn't help her because I don't remember how to solve that problem" so I checked her work and that's when I started asking her questions and said the things I said. Now I don't know what to do, how do I apologize?

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    • I'm so anxious about this situation that even my English is getting messed up. I'm a Math professor so you don't need to worry! Lol... I will take your suggestion, thank you!

    • No problem I really want to know how this turns out!! I know it's not really any of my business. Sorry and don't be we are all human we are entitled to a few screw ups. Just be sincere she will go for anything you say.

What Guys Said 5

  • First of all you're a prof what are you doing thinking of a student in that way?
    Secondly she was being respectful since she knows you are in position of authority so she couldn't insult you.
    You don't need to apologize, you were just teasing her and this will encourage her to study.

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    • You see I became impatient when I asked her a simple question and she just kept looking at me. It was a blank effortless look, unlike her classmate that seemed to be making the effort to solve the problem, that got to me and I ended up saying what I told her. I felt bad when she looked at me again, it was a look of shame and then I realized she was sincere when she said she didn't know the answer.

    • Oh ok your wording was weird. It appeared as if you were a pedophile.
      Don't be ashamed. Now she knows to study more.

  • @detlef a question for you my man

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  • Man in my opinion you're not even in the wrong, you told her she done wrong and people are just quiet when you say that shit. The weekend thing is just her being nice

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  • You should say sorry to her

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  • I say to formally apologize for your actions it wasn't professional. I think she holds a bit of respect she may have a social contact with a mutual friend or something. Any ways it wouldn't be any good for her to insult you back infront of the class. After all your her professor and from the way you describe her she probably assumed you were having a bad day.

    Also remember Professor when you enter college as a general rule your starting your career as a professional.(I'm at a state university and thats what my professors and the administration stressed heavily.)

    If you wanted to fix your reputation do a private apology and a more formal apology to her in the class. And hopefully you can save your reputation as far as the student population on your campus.

    As this incident can often be louder than if it were any other event on campus. A normal obnoxious kid can just be overlooked as a spaz or an idiot. But this is something that should be dealt with asap. As it can spread like a virus. And seriously could effect the number of students who enter your next semester class. Because its the quiet kind students that get lots of respect in schools.( I say this cause im exactly like her I'm mostly quiet/introverted.) Mostly cause we listen to subjects with lots of focus and attention which can also mean that we make friends with people easily and also people we dont know so well. But ether way we end up with a lot of respect. And when we get called out it tends to spread.

    So it would be best to apologize and hopefully retain your reputation. And hopefully it didn't bother her too badly.

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    • Well If your going to apologize to her specifically explain that you miss understood for starters and that you hope there and that you made a wrongful assumption. without checking the evidence and that you feel its necessary to admit it to keep the teacher -> student connection. And that she can come to you if she doesn't understand it and that you will try to explain it better or differently. And then formally explain what happened to her class and that you wish that any rumors or bad comments could be expunged.

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    • Math is really hard to teach if you read any of the high school reports Math is the reason why ACT and SAT and MCA scores are kinda getting cut out. cause the highest drop out reason in high school is cause many students couldnt grasp basic algebra.

      I think the way how you could make it up to her is try and find a simpler way to write out a steps of the most recent problems of the current newest content in your class. it may seem boring lame or stupid but for many kids me included we struggle with basic algebra and even worse with Geomety. and if you could maybe formulate a cheat sheet she could use to go over the last assignments and study and maybe get a better grade on the upcoming exam or final.

      Because as simple as arithmetic, or geometry can seem a piece of cake to one person like you. To me its complete jibberish.

    • wish more math teachers had a system where if there's a student struggling but still trying HARD that the teacher would make an effort to take those students who are suffering tests and like take those students and make them retake the test as one of the reasons student fail in math is that the second guess themselves or the famous "Blank Mind" issue. "blank mind" ~ As in you go sit down test is given to you and one looks at it and whoosh all the studying or craming... the last nights or days is gone.

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