How to be more harmonious with an atheist?

Hello. I'm dating a man who is an atheist. I am a Christian. When he told me he does not follow any religion, I was okay with that. I never criticized him. I never said anything about his soul or blah blah blah. I believe in respecting his choice as lonh as he is a good person and does not harm others. I did ask him why is an atheist because he has several Christian tatts on his body. He shared hsi story with me and I listened. No judgment. But when he he speaks about Christians he is very nasty and he gets very angry. He says that Christians are brainwashed idiots and many other unkind things. He tries to get me to answer questions about the Bible so he can discredit the Bible. Such as "do you really believe some man gathered all the animals and put them in a boat" or "do you really believe some man was in the belly of a whale" and more. I feel uncomfortable with his anger and I feel it is unfair for him to attack me and other Christians when I accept him for who he is. I do not answer his questions and I asked him several times to be respectful. He said that he will "never" speak to me about religion, again. He "thought" I was intelligent and more open-minded to "handle" basic conversation. Very condescending. It's getting very umcomfortable. Other than this, I enjoy talking to him and spending time with him. I respect him. Any advice?

Updates:
Also, he does not speak about other religions. Just Christians.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Unfortunately a trend among many atheists these days. They lack respect towards people who don't follow their belief (or rather non-belief).

    It is more of a problem of his character though which you should put into question when he behaves like this to his partner.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Don't try to be more harmonious, because it sounds like you'd have to pander to him rather than simply be mature. I guarantee that if he did follow a religion, he'd still act the way he does now, just with a different excuse. It doesn't sound like he's willing to accept or respect your religious beliefs, which means he is the cause of the problem here, not you.

    Honestly, I'd suggest breaking up. This might not the biggest deal right now, but I'm willing to bet that later on it's going to become a major problem. It even sounds like he's beginning to lose respect for you. I'm positive you can find a guy who's at least willing to respect your beliefs, if he doesn't share them.

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    • Thanks for MH. :)

What Guys Said 19

  • I don't think how this could ever work. I am considered an atheist and I would never date or get close to people who are religious. Don't get me wrong, please. There is no hate! But when a person believes in stuff like the virgin birth, Noah's arc, Dragon Ball, etc... I really doubt they have anything interesting to say to me.

    I advise you to quit this relationship. He sounds like a self-consumed atheist who is somewhat proud of his atheism. That, in my opinion, is even more stupid that having blind faith in mythical creatures. I don't think he has bad intentions. Though, I think he will continue to insult your religion and one day you will feel like he is insulting YOU because religions provide their followers with an identity.

    Good luck to you. : )

    Side note: He probably discusses Christianity because he is more familiar with its contents than he is with other religions.

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  • He sounds openly antagonistic. It's cool to question people about their beliefs and have criticisms but that can be done in a respectful and sober manner. Honestly this is one of the reason I don't date really religious girls. In my experience there's always some animosity or resentment bubbling under the surface that's screaming to come out. I mean yeah that narrows my dating pool in America but I'm looking for a committed successful relationship and I don't see that happening with someone who is really devout. I don't think less of them as people in any way but I think families and relationships require some kind of cohesion and I don't think it's easy to have that with that combination.

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  • Tell him to fuck off.
    Atheists are best with atheists since some tend to be more aggressive than others.
    Personally I respect everyone's right to believe in whatever they want even if I think that they're wrong. Religion is no different from politics, everyone thinks that they're right and the other person is wrong (just look at the liberals vs conservatives).

    Something I've noticed with a lot of atheists is that they are becoming bigoted and tarnishing the name. I actually wrote about them in a myTake.
    www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a23685-what-is-atheism-the-3-main-types-of-atheism-their-religious
    They are called anti-theists and are the worst thing that happened to the atheist movement.

    I think you should find either a Christian boyfriend or a tolerant atheist.

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  • It's up to him to respect what you believe and not try to convert you to atheism. He's doing that same thing that some religious people do to try to convert atheists. Different belief, same behavior. He shouldn't do that. He showed you his point of view, he doesn't need to take it any further.

    There's nothing you can do if he doesn't want to be respectful, I'm sorry.

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  • This is hard. He is the bad kind of Atheist. They actually are everything they claim to hate about religion. I am not religious myself but I've never understood the hatred some Atheists have.

    Here is my take. Both are actually the same. You see religious people believe in God. They can't prove God exists but they have FAITH. Now Atheists don't believe in God. They can't prove God doesn't exist but they have FAITH.

    Both have faith what they believe is correct when there is no way to prove either one to be right or wrong.

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    • Personally, the only "faith" I have as an atheist is the notion that I don't believe in 2000 year old mythologies just because other people do.

      The Bible is just a bunch of inspirational stories that people wrote like 2200 years ago. But that's all it is. Stories. Written by people. And I'm not surprised that there are Atheists out there who are bothered by the fact that some people waste their lives away being controlled by a mind set that is not theirs, but rather that of the religious organization that they visit on a semi-regular basis. Of course, the choice to be controlled is theirs to make; but it's still a sad sight, isn't it?

      Atheism is not a religion. Religions are a set of beliefs that define the way you act, behave, think and feel in pretty much every aspect of your everyday life. Atheism does no such thing, in fact all it does is reject theistic religions, primarily Islam and Christianity.

    • @Mesonfielde You do realize that many Christians do not believe the Bible is more then what you just said, right? You know it is actually only a small percentage that are strict to the Bible?

      And no it is not sad. What is sad is Atheists who hate the happiness these people feel. What is sad is attacking them with words, trying to make them feel bad for being happy. The very fact you think people being happy and helping others as "wasting" their live shows you are the problem, not them.

      I did not say Atheism is a religion. I simply stated that there is no difference believing or not believing in something that can not be proven right or wrong. In its core it is exactly the same thing. Faith.

      Lastly religion is around 30,000 years old. Christianity is only 2000 years old. Judaism, which Christianity was born from, is 3000 years old.

    • You don't need to believe in a God that threatens you with eternal hellfire to be happy with yourself and to forge a community that is willing to help other people. Religion and happiness are not one and the same.

      But you're probably right, religion isn't all bad. It gives people hope. It also gives them morals... to a point, anyways. It even enforces them through guilt.

  • Find another Christian guy, or a Pagan that firmly believes all religions are equally valid. They are all different paths up the mountain of life. Some paths are hard, some are easy. But all seek the same thing, and that is spiritual enlightenment. Agnostics just walk round the bottom, unsure of which path to take, or whether to take one at all. Atheists think the land is flat so just do their own thing.

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    • I love your analogy!

      That said, I'm a non-religious theist. I'm lying down relaxing at the bottom of the mountain curled up next to a sun-warmed stone, because why climb mountains when there are lovely valleys and meadows all around us?

    • @Intraluminal LOL! That sounds like a good way of life and a good reason for following it!!

  • Well, don't go out with him then. You don't need to endure that kind of hassle, if he's no going to stop doing it.

    I'm an atheist and I realise how annoying it is to have someone try to convert you, he should too.

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  • No there is no particular advice. You just won't get along on that front.

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  • He's condescending about your beliefs, and gets angry about it.
    Not cool.
    Sounds like he's angry with about something else.

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  • I reckon you dump him because he thinks logically.

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  • He's an asshat. It seems like you're the one putting all the effort into the relationship. Frankly if he's not even prepared to respect your beliefs, however crazy they might be, you should dump him and find someone more agreeable.

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  • If I was with a girl like that, she'd be gone quicker than Noah filed his ark.

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  • he's a fool dump him.

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  • To be fair, his questions are somewhat valid. The fact that you can't answer simple questions like that just shows that your belief is founded on an unwillingness to question them.

    Alas, he is not compatible with you and he should find someone else.

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  • "I'm dating a man who is an atheist. I am a Christian."

    Nothing good can come of this.

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  • He's simply an intolerant person. I guarantee you he has similar thoughts of other 'groups of people' he doesn't agree with

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  • it won't end well dear. my mother made the same choice and her life became a cross. a man without the grace of God is a plaything of demons. there is no midle ground in this universe. you are either with Him or with Lucy.

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    • he is not even that cunning. he gave you so many redflags already. he is cussing christians in your face and you dont even realise you are included into that category. the same anger you see unfolded today against an abstract third party, tommorow it will be turned against you. what other signs did you expect from God? He already showed you his true colours.

  • So you respect him but he doesn't respect you, if this doesn't change I think you know what needs to be done.

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  • Yeah, and I'm Jewish

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What Girls Said 13

  • Normally I'd say religious issues aren't that big of a problem when each partner respects the other's views. This isn't the case here. I'm not sure why a lot of atheists can't just quietly believe in nothing, but I digress.

    This isn't a good mix. It won't get better. May be time to let him go.

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  • I doubt that it will ever get any better with him. That kind of atheist (a "hard" atheist) is not able to listen with an open mind about religion, as they believe it to be the root of all evil.

    Personally, I would break it off. Differences of faith (especially between a hard atheist and a Christian) are very difficult to resolve, especially without hurt feelings.

    Do what you feel is best though. Good luck!

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  • I wouldn't date someone who can't at least be respectful of my religious beliefs. And talking down to you about yours doesn't sound respectful at all.

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  • eh I don't agree with him. he is being disrespectful.
    who is he to judge your intelligence anw and how can you have a decent debate with a person who is verbally attacking you while being pretty subjective about the topic.
    Plus everyone knows that the bible is more symbolic and moral base than facts, what is he being a smart ass about.
    You shouldn t compromise in a relationship where the other party isn t doing much.
    I think you should consider the future of your relationship with him or at least face him about it and be strict about it.

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  • I'm not sure what the problem is. It seems like he's trying to understand your views by asking about your opinions on specific things. That's how relationships are built. I understand being upset about the "brainwashed" comment, but I don't see any other issue here.

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  • Don't mention religion! Talk to him about rules!

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  • I honestly don't that's the best relationship. Even though he say she'll never talk about religion again, you know that this guy obviously looks down to you, in a way, because he feels that your Christian views are "idiotic". Now I am also a Christian, and so I feel that no relationship would really work out in the end-especially if you want it to be serious, if both partners don't hold the same religious views; because normally, your religion plays a big role in what values, attitudes and beliefs you hold. So in terms of Christianity, are you really comfortable with someone who basically denies the existence of God? Because honestly, if he can do that, he'd obviously be able to deny the existence/power of the Holy Spirit-which is one of the unforgivable sins...

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  • sigh... i don't like closed minded people... so i don't think you two suit each other + he doesn't really think bout your feelings

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  • I just ignore what they say and I change the subject any time the subject of religion comes on.

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  • I don't think it's going to work out.

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  • Just don't say anything

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  • I'm sorry but these type of relationships never work out.

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  • Different beliefs can't work together unless both sides are open minded, non judgmental and willing to adjust to each other. It doesn't sound like he's doing that at all. Really, it probably won't work unless you decide not to be Christian anymore.

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