Should I Give Guys A Profile Packet Before Our First Date?

By profile packet, I mean, a brief (or not so brief) overview of my likes, dislikes, preferences, turnons, turnoffs, religious views, political views, etc. Including what I am looking for in a relationship (abstinence until marriage, kids, stay-at-home mom/housewife + entrepreneur, homeschooling, etc.) As well as a list of non-negotiables (must have same religious and political views... disagreements in this area have led to very bad breakups in the past.)

I want to use the "Huge 600+ Question Character Template" on deviantart as a reference. It has a pretty concise list of everything you would want to know about a person

I don't like getting into relationships just to find out we are hopelessly incompatible way down the line. I would rather hand a guy a profile on me the second he asks me out, than having him waste time and money on a date. If he reads the packet, and sees that there are things about our likes, dislikes, preferences, views on life, etc. that don't match up, he will know very quickly that things probably won't work out between us, especially if he doesn't meet the criteria for my non-negotiable list.

However, if a guy reads it and finds that we have endless things in common, it would be a pretty good sign that things could work out between us, and the list is good for long term use, since it includes things like hobbies, style profile, measurements, etc. For special occassions it will be easier for him to buy me a gift because he doesn't have to awkwardly ask me "What size ___ do you wear?" or something like that. He doesn't risk ruining the surprise. It would make date, proposal, and gift ideas a lot easier.

The only reason I have never made this "profile packet' is because I wonder how guys would feel about it. Would they think I was crazy? picky? or just be irritated t


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Most Helpful Girl

  • No you shouldn't do that. Let them get to know you for themselves. I think that would scare them away.

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    • I don't plan on telling them everything up front (hopes, dreams, childhood, etc.). I still want to get to know the guy personally, but I want to save time on things which I know are absolute dealbreakers: for example- he hates everything I love, I love everything he hates, we don't agree on religion or politics, I have habits he would consider dealbreakers, etc.

      Besides, I didn't think it mattered to give out that much information before a date, anyway, most people admit to stalking their date on Facebook before they go out, just to have something to talk about. I don't like a guy having information about me unless I gave it to him.

      The last guy who pursued me wanted to get to know me, so I gave him my very, very basic character sheet of likes, dislikes, hobbies, etc. and he loved it. We didn't have enough in common to pursue a relationship, but it got us talking, and we became really good friends. I didn't give him information about relationship preferences or anything, though.

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    • True. I guess there's also the thing about not revealing too much too soon, and I'm not sure I've ever really been good at that. I'm straightforward about some things (making it clear that I'm dating with the intention of marriage, and that I don't want to have sex until then), but reserved about other things (my past and hopes for the future). I feel like I get mixed signals. Some guys want me to open up about everything as soon as I agree to talk to them, while others seem to only want small talk and no talking about future plans or intentions, at all. I suppose I'll have to learn to balance these.

    • You don't want to be too straightforward. Just let things fall into place because you don't want to scare them away. Let them get to know you & figure you out.

What Guys Said 1

  • If somebody handed me that, it would be the last date if it even got that far. This stuff is great in an online environment, but in real life, that just screams creepy stalker chick. I can't imagine most guys would be good with anything like that.

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What Girls Said 1

  • Not a good idea to give an owner's manual on the first date. Comes across as picky, controlling and more than a little odd.

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