After the first date, I'm a go dutch kind of girl (either he or I pays, or we both pay for our own). That being said, I started dating this guy who was, I swear, calculating our dates in his head. We would be on the same one date, and maybe he would pay for dinner, but then he'd tell me that I was going to pay for the movie later on in the date or the next activity rather then even let me offer to do so, but even beyond that if we're sort of on the same date, that one person, in my mind at least, is the one paying for that date, and then the next date would be the other person or we'd both be paying our own separate ways the whole time.
It started to bother me that he treated our dates like I owed him. We went on a few more where he would tell me, I paid for the last thing, its your turn now. It really killed a lot of the mood that it seemed like he was always keeping tally or a score, and we've since broken it off.
What do you think of the situation? Was I in the wrong about this? Was this guy being a bit cheap?
I don't think you were wrong. I would be really put off if someone started doing that with me. I understand where he's coming from though, but in my opinion he is going about it all wrong. I think he just wanted to establish that even though he was paying for something at certain times, that didn't mean that it was going to be like that every time. The problem with that is that it makes it seem like he is keeping score as you say. It's also a little rude because he just dictates 'how it is'.
I usually always pay for dinner and I say something like "I got it". Partly because I think it kills some of the mood to figure out the check and divide it. But if it's in e early dating stage I probably won't pay for anything other than food and drinks (unless I know that she doesn't have an easy economy). I would say that everything is always fine as long as everyone assumes that they are paying for themselves.
It's not such a bad thing to trade off paying but it sounds like the *way* he went about it was off putting. My thought is whoever asks out the other person pays as a way of thanking them for their time and then divvy things up however you like. So it's really nbd to split the bill. But always keeping track of it as obsessively as he was? Not attractive.
I'm with you. Paying isn't fun but like, it's a date, so it shouldn't be calculated like that. It would be like giving a X-mas gift, then telling the person how much you spent and expecting a gift of equal value back from them. I think a guy should be ready and able to pay for everything and then see if the girl at least offers. If she never offers, then it's up to him whether to ask her out again. Whoever asked the other person out and decided where to go should take more responsibility on the date, which includes the responsibility to pay for everything if necessary.
So basically: Guys, don't ask a girl for money on a date. Girls, don't take it as a given that you'll be asked out again if you never offer.
Dude if the guy feels like you owe him then its not a date, its more like a i took you out and spend money on you now you have to do something for me.
Usually in date, a gentleman would pay for the first date, generally 60%+ of every other next date, this shows that the guy is more dependable for income. Of course the girls sometime show off sometimes, but only if the girl says she will be paying, etc.
I think that perhaps he is struggling financially or on a very tight budget if he's constantly taking note of how much money he's spending. I try not to dismiss a guy as cheap when it comes to situations like this because it really is an act of generosity or a guy to treat a woman to dinner and a movie. Those things can add up depending on where you go to eat, whether or not alcoholic beverages were ordered, and how much of a tip should be given. Nonetheless, he made things awkward by voicing financial stress on a date. I could see how that would kill the vibe or take away some of the 'magic' from having a great date.
I don't think that you were totally in the wrong but you could have been more considerate about his financial position and perhaps suggested a more economical date. Or you could have just simply addressed the topic and asked him what he thinks about who should pay for dates and when/shedding light on the awkward situation he skimmed the surface of.
Honestly, I don't think he was being that unreasonable. The economy sucks - maybe he couldn't afford to pay for everything for you. Besides, if it was a first date, he doesn't know necessarily if there will even be a second date, so him paying for dinner and you paying for the movie seems 100% fair to me.