Do guys expect to sleep with a girl on the 3rd date?

Is this the new norm with dating?

Updates:
Thanks to all for your opinions. Maybe I'm an anomaly but I'm well into my 40s and have only slept with one man, my ex-husband. I was 21 years old, and waited six months after we dated to have sex. I've been divorced for three years, I'm ready to get back out there... so to speak. However, I can't seem to get my "Sex and the City" on. I guess I'm still just a good Catholic girl who wants her sex to be meaningful. But hey... I'm no longer in my 20s... and girls still wanna have fun!

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Most Helpful Guy

  • 1) It doesn't matter what's normal or common. It only matters when you want to have sex.

    2) I think a lot of this changes as we get older. It's more "practical" for lack of a better word. I guess by that I mean we aren't high energy teens who are love struck and ready to take on the world. It is what it is, and what we are looking for is more low keyed and down to earth. I think it becomes more about companionship, compatibility and some common interests. It's more of an addition to our lives, than the main focus of our life. We already have a life, and have had it for a good while now. So anything else is an addition to that. It's a different perspective on things than when we were 20.

    3) I think responses to a question like this are not representative. I think it's far more likely for people actively dating to answer. Some people don't date at all. A significant number of GaG members are virgin. Many have never dated or kissed. They aren't answering, and I suspect more casual daters aren't answering much either. So I think the results are skewed in favor of more sex than is the norm.

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    • Good point. I agree I think we're seeing more in favor than the typical norm.

Most Helpful Girl

  • My current guy and I slept together the first night. that's pretty much how I roll though. The longest I have waited is a week or two.

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    • Wow... confidence! Had my third date tonight... as a natural progression things are moving forward. But I can't see sleeping with him until I gain a sense of trust.

What Guys Said 28

  • It's not the expectation. It's just considered the "average" of today. Like if you're 3 dates in and you haven't even kissed she's probably not into you that way. Simply guidelines to make your way through the dating world. But some people consider it a steadfast rule. It's not

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  • I generally assume most girls have had sex by the third date (or sooner) with other guys so id feel like she's not as attracted to me as she was with the other guys. Obviously it's her choice, but Its nit very flattering to know she was more excited to sleep with her previous partners.

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    • By the idea you're making assumptions. My thought on that is some women may sleep with a guy because they don't care much about the outcome of the relationship. In other words... it's just sex. And maybe that's what the guy wants... if that's the case then he shouldn't have a hard time finding girls who will sleep with them. But a nice girl that's interested in more will... and in my opinion wait for the right time... and not rush it. Steve Harvey said it best...90 days in then it's a good time to decide whether someone is truly invested in you. At that time you can decide whether to give up the cookie.

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    • @BuchitaBuchys
      It kinda sucks because I think guys are MORE likely to expect sex sooner the older they get.

      I haven't had sex yet so I'm really not the type of person who just jumps into bed with strangers but I feel like if I hit it off with someone I could feel comfortable before the 1 month mark.

      Id prefer a girl who hasn't had casual sex but realistically I'd be limiting my options too much, plus people lie so there's really no point in asking. I can't really explain why but the idea of me waiting 3 months for sex and having a girl be my first and only partner when I'm one of like 8 other guys, half of whom she slept with on the 3rd date, just really bothers me.

      Im not sure if I'd actually want to have sex on the third date but I'd want her to offer so that I'd feel like her sexual desire for me was just as strong as it was for the other guys. That I'm not just the safe option she's just settling for since she couldn't get the hot exciting guys to commit to her.

    • @Red_Arrow that's what I was trying to get at! Lol like, how would he know? I was a complete virgin with my first boyfriend, and he thought I was lying. Until I kissed him and he saw how bad and awkward it was haha.

      @Bandit74, yes. That's my main issue. It was "OK" and "cute" when I was 19 with my first boyfriend, even 21 with my second boyfriend, but now I'm 24. Realistically, I probably won't date again until I'm 25. And unfortunately I just *have* to like older men, so he'll probably be near his 30s. They're going to expect physical contact, at least a kiss or a hot makeout session by the end of the first date. And I'm not about that life. So I don't know. I'm just gonna have to prepare myself for a lot of guys ignoring my texts after the first date.

  • This isn't new. We don't expect it but it is for 99% the date that both decide to take it up a notch or not

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  • if the guy truly love her "NO"

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  • That's what baseball taught us..

    After the 3rd base, comes homerun.

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  • That sounds really fast, but if the connection was there then I might. I'd have to *really* know her, though.

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  • This stuff usually takes me about a month. If we were close acquaintances beforehand then it might speed up the time a bit.

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  • First date, second date, third date, or any dates as long as we have the right chemistry and connection and it can happen in any dates, whether it's the first or the 3rd or 4th time.

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  • I really don't think there is a limit on how much dates you should go on, before sleeping together, it all depends on you and the partner. so i suppose, yes it is.

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  • isn't it more like first date nowadays?

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  • Well, you better communicate your standards early on before you confuse us

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  • Nahhh... I do expect she cooks me bacon :D

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  • Uh know I try to hit it the first night.

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  • I don't "expect" it to happen. But if nothing happens past that point I will start getting suspicious of how really she is into me.

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    • I can tell you if she's still going out with you... she likes you.

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    • I've dated girls who had casual sex, I don't mind it. Then again, as long as she is clear on her sexual interest and doesn't play games.

      And yes, I agree. For a girl who puts a higher value to sex, as long as I see something special with he, I would understand where she is coming from. I'd probably wait for it but I may lose interest along the way. Guys don't look for sex just because, but because it's part of the whole intimacy and emotional aspect for a guy, besides having the company. You'll see how guys want this to happen way early to evaluate sexual chemistry, which is extremely important.

      If you're going through something like this right now, and you don't feel ready to have sex, then it means you have work with him intellectually, and make fun tease until the right time comes. You don't want him to get bored, even though he'll wait if he really is head over heels for you.

  • My generation is different.
    I expect to get it on the first date, but will wait till the 3rd if i just have to :P

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  • I never have. I had enough self respect to say that no one makes it to my bed without at least making it to the commitment stage. Is it the new normal to sleep with someone after the third date? I would say probably so.

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  • I don't, there can't be pressure involved. It wouldn't make me feel good

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  • No thats media bullshit sex on the 3rd date is stupid and if thats what theyre thinking about then there just there for sex

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  • No, but if it doesn't happen within a month, I'd have completely lost interest in her.

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  • It's ok to be selective, and it's better to be safe than sorry.

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  • Some sleep with girls on the first date second date ! If he interested he wait to your ready

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  • I wouldn't. I'm too shy for that.

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  • Most girls I have done it on 2nd. First a few times

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  • I expect it on the first date. If she declines, then I dump her boring snobby a** for good

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  • It's not terribly new. It's pretty standard and has been for quite awhile.

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  • The problem is when you use the word "expect", is that people want to confuse it with "feeling entitled" which isn't the same thing. Which is why you got answers like "if the guy truly loves her NO".

    Yes I expect we most likely will have sex by the third date if we have any chemistry to speak of, but I don't feel entitled to it. It is just common that the two of us would have gotten comfortable enough to have sex by that point.

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  • It's a 'thing'.

    Some are faster, some slower. A lot of people likely expect to be getting physical by date 3 or they're wondering what's up. This applies to grown ups, not teens where often they're waiting to get comfortable because sex is new.

    There are other people who wait months. The single guys i know my age who date the most are probably having sex by date 3-5, if not sooner, or things aren't progressing.

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    • Ok... this is good to know. It's been awhile for me with regards to dating.

    • Doesn't mean you have to. But I'd suggest you not be surprises if they try (doesn't suggest they think anything odd about you) and you should be ready to express your views by then.

      Also if date three is them cooking dinner at home for you, they're certainly going to try to escalate.

  • When my fiancée and I get married, we will have waited three years.

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    • We are both virgins, though.

    • What a testimony to your commitment to one another. Good for you both!

    • I think that's a beautiful thing. It's special because giving yourself to someone is a gift. Many blessings.

What Girls Said 5

  • probably, but only to guys who have had sex already.

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  • No, don't feel like you need to limit yourself or do things because it's 'the norm' if you feel like having sex, do it, be it the first, second or twentieth date, and if you don't feel like it don't ! It's up to you and what you're comfortable with !

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  • I don't think thats a rule! I wouldn't!

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  • (smiling)
    Super strong mutual attraction makes people think about fucking each other instantly :P

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  • It's more like a month for me if I didn't know him beforehand. Guys don't seem to act like this is an inordinate amount of time.

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