So I've been talking to this guy for 7 months and things are getting serious. We met when I was 17 and he was 24 so i lied and said I was 18. BUT, I lied 3 times at first he thought I was 20 then I told him that I was actually 18 (I was 17) and then I told him that my birthday was actually tomorrow (when it was actually months from the date) and I was turning 18. I'm afraid if I came clean he'd write me off as a lair but the question isn't if I should come clean it's how I should come clean. I was thinking of something like "I have to be honest with you before we move any further. I have been lying about my age (actually.. my birthday) I was 17 the whole time we talked and I'm sorry if you think I'm a liar or that you can never trust me, and I completely understand if that's the case. I can tell you I'm not a liar and how I'm honest with everything, but I understand if you think this is a deal breaker of some sorts. I am 18 now (haha, I promise I'm not lying this time I'll show you my passport if you'd like.) and if you want to proceed with the relationship that would be great, if you want to end things and just be my friend I also understand"
edit : we aren't dating now, we've just been talking.
I would leave her but accept the apology (be her friend)
45% (5)25% (3)35% (8)Vote
I would stay with her and accept her apology (date her)
9% (1)42% (5)26% (6)Vote
I wouldn't accept her apology (not be her friend or date her)
I can understand why you lied in the first place since you weren't 18 or legal yet at the time, and I know lies just kept on piling up to cover the first lie that you made, so it'll make sense. It's not that of a big deal and you didn't lie about anything else aside from your birthdate, so it's something I'm willing to let go and start fresh.
Most Helpful Girl
Don't lie about your age, it's a stupid thing to lie about in the first place.
This is a tough one. I'm a pretty no nonsense kind of guy. Major dishonesty is usually grounds for me ending a relationship. That's pretty major. I'd be on the fence as to how I'd deal with this one. If I didn't fire you, I'd definitely have trust issues with you and you'd definitely be in the dog house for a long time.
There are several issues here. First of all you said you're not a liar. Yes, you are. You lied 3 times about your age by your own admission. One who engages in the practice of lying (frequently) is called a liar. I'd think if your lying about that, what else are you? Another issue is for a 24 year old to date a 20 year old is acceptable. A 24 year old to be with a 17 or 18 year old is only acceptable if they were for some reason together while he was in HS. Once you've graduated from high school, if you don't already have a girlfriend it just screams looser to date girls still in HS. Another issue is 17 to 24 is a huge gap in maturity. If he's on top of his game he's getting ready to graduate college if he hasn't already, or working and has is own place and is paying his own way in the world and isn't a total bum. By 24 I had already joined and completed one enlistment in the Marine Corps, finished some college, bought furniture and all the wares of life, had my own place and a live in girlfriend to boot. Another issue is statutory rape. Here in America under 17 is grounds for that in most states if not all. Having a charge like that on your record is kinda of a problem. You put him in a lot of risk! I'd be pissed!
All that said I get why you said you were 20. I'm assuming you were thinking he'd think you were too young if you were truthful and he'd reject you. That said, I'd have to seriously look at how things were going in the the relationship, more than likely 97% no matter how they were going I'd have to dump you
The way you want to explain yourself and come clean is spot on. What I want to know is how did he not notice your age changed 2 times? Either he really didn't pay attention really badly or he's exceedingly dumb. Kinda tough change your story about something so basic and vital and get away with it. Did you also change your actual birth date in lying as well? If so how does a guy not know his girlfriends actual birthday? Kind of an important date to remember no?
Sounds like a childish lie, but it can be enough to ruin any trust he had for you. If you said those things to me face to face and I feel you're being honest and all I'd just let it pass since it's not that serious (again, a lie is a lie regardless). I don't see it as a reason to break up though.
What you should have done is just said you were 18 from the start and then you could just say you said "almost 18" and blame him for his stereotypical male inability to listen when you confess your actual age.