Why won't you guys date an INTJ girl?

I'm an INTJ girl and I never had a boyfriend despite being 24years old. Oh heck, I never even kissed or went out on a date with a guy. Men who show interest at the start never call me back or show no interest after that and its not like I want guys like that. I am just wondering why is it so hard for me to date a guy in contrast to my ESFJ twin sister.

I'm mostly being described as feisty, independent, strong, intelligent yet somewhat a romanticist and feminine. I thought guys like that... lol
I'm also very logical and decisive and is a very good strategic planner too.


Most Helpful Guy

  • It's not all guys. I've dated lots. But I am one, so I find it easier to relate to them. The biggest problem is that a lot of guys will have a hard time relating. They won't understand your thinking patterns, and won't be able to understand why you do the things you do. For you it will be perfectly logical. For me it would be too. But for them, it will seem essentially random, and they won't know how to take it.

    You are going to either need to find another person like you, or find someone that is really empathetic, who can put themselves in your shoes and see your point of view, even if they don't think the same way themselves. And you'll most likely need someone that is at least above-average in intelligence. Your 'logic and planning' are going to go right over the head of a derpy guy - he won't notice it and appreciate it, and you'll just end up frustrated.

    The I and the T, compared to your sisters E and F are going to also make it harder for you to seem warm and outgoing, so you will probably come across as less approachable. You'll have to work at expressing yourself and seeming friendly. It may seem forced, it may seem uncomfortable, but it will get easier, and it will make you more approachable.

    • Thank you for your advice. I will think about it. Most of the guys that tries to ask me out are ESFP or ESFJ. There seem to rarely have INTJ or ENTJ guys around.

    • The three least common types are INFJ, ENTJ, and INTJ, in that order, so yes, they will be harder to find. You'll be able to get along fine with the right ENFP though, and they are more common. If they are not an INTJ, it'll be hard for them to get you. So you'll want the E to draw you out of your shell. They'll need to carry the conversation until it hits a topic you're passionate about. You'll want the F and the P together so that they won't be judgmental of your differences, and hopefully they'll be compassionate enough with that combo to be able to realize your depths, even if they can't directly relate. It seems weird because they are opposite on so many traits, but INTJ and ENFP can really compliment each others personalities in a lot of ways. Each person is obviously a separate case with more or less compatibility, but if you are speaking in general terms (which personality types are), then it gives you a ballpark at least.

Most Helpful Girl

  • I am not sure,,,, wrong guy?


What Guys Said 14

  • it's basically in the description

    "it is often a challenge for them to find like-minded individuals who are able to keep up with their relentless intellectualism and chess-like maneuvering."

    they are also characterized (by the trait definition not to say you) as being:
    overly analytical
    and "clueless in romance"

    Additionally they are often brutally honest and believe politeness is artificial behavior. those traits often times will create unnecessary stress and conflict in a relationship where often times being more gentle or i guess the term would be diplomatic would greatly benefit a situation... for example. my wife had a child recently and feels fat and in all honesty she has had a tough time losing all the baby weight. but me, i say you are beautiful and you'll lose that weight in due time, whereas an INTJ person may not be so soft handed

    So it it seems like from an interpersonal relationship standpoint the INTJ personality finds it very tough in terms of chemistry

    • Oh yeah... you are on point. My sister describe me as brutally truthful that it hurts though I have no intentions of hurting... But I do love romance. I am quite a romantic myself. Just haven't found the right guy...

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    • i imagine for you... and i could be very wrong... it would help to be friends with a guy before adding the romantic element. if a deep friendship is fostered (with mutual respect for both the irrational and rational elements of relationships) then i'd think it may be the best way to build the relationship

      but again i could be wrong. I'm certainly no expert on this subject

    • I do agree love is irrational and illogical but thats what I am hoping for. Someone who can make me lose my logic and cool for once

  • From the fairly quick Google search I just did to confirm what exactly those 2 acronyms mean, I would say you really have very little to worry about...

    Extroverted people will always lead the way in social scenarios but truth be told very few ever gain much knowledge or understanding from the process...
    Introverts on the other hand learn from just about everything as they tend to think a whole lot more.

    If you feel that you're being overlooked in favour of obviously lesser potential candidates, perhaps considering a few minor adjustments could be the breath of fresh air you need... Maybe a new hairdo, a slight wardrobe update, maybe even something as simple as smiling a little more. If you feel the issue is that you tend to come across as uninterested, boring, etc, maybe open yourself up a tiny bit from time to time (I'm also an introvert so I don't say this lightly, I know full well how difficult opening up is, but it doesn't have to be all the time nor must it necessarily be to everyone, it's your choice entirely who you choose to show which sides of yourself to)

    Don't worry about the lack of boyfriend or kissing experience, it's an old cliche but it certainly still holds true today, intimacy means infinitely more to those involved when it's genuine and hooking up with someone just for sex, whilst not the worst idea ever, provided both parties are acutely aware of that precise stipulation, it's still got nothing on hanging out with someone you genuinely like and just holding hands :D

    Have a touch more self confidence and know that you are worth what you deserve!

    It's like the poem about girls being like apples on an apple tree...

    Girls are like apples on trees,
    The best ones are at the top of the tree.
    The boys don't want to reach for the good ones
    Because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt.
    Instead, they get the rotten apples from the ground
    That aren't as good but easy.
    So the apples up top think something is wrong with them in
    Reality they are amazing.
    They just have to wait for the right boy to come

    by Rose Rosado

    It's true!

    You're probably one of the amazing apples right up top... Give the right dude a little more time, he'll be there before you know it ;)

  • I'd date an INTJ girl, I am an ENFJ.

  • LOL! this is so me! INTJ guy here. Well you INTJ girls are definitely a rare species :D
    If I could get anywhere near one, I would give it a shot at her.

  • You literally just described everything I'm looking for in a girl I'm shy introverted so I never approach women but certain traits and behaviors that certain women have attract me

  • So, we are doing this now.

  • What's your country? You seem cool.

    • I'm mixed, living in Asia now.

  • I don't know what either INTJ or ESFJ is.

    • Then don't answer it...

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    • @Asker
      Like you said it yourself, if he had said "oh so what's?" he would be behaving emotionally and that's not his personality type. Which, ironically, you could have understood because perhaps that's how you yourself would have answered, but you just assumed he was a troll and was dismissive.

      Perhaps, in a way, it'd be easier for you to read emotional people, but as things are now you're probably too blunt and hurt their feelings... so basically I think you've to work on your people's skills and wait a bit more before reaching some conclusion, like giving people the benefit of the doubt.

    • @dipta I didn't think he's a troll. I just said don't answer it if you don't know the answer. Simple as that. Honestly I don't really care if someone thinks I'm rude or anything. I seen no point in 'improving people skills' and answer something patronising and just to 'sound nice'. If I'm nice I am nice. If I'm not, I am not. If I know someone had replied me emotionally, I would reply them emotionally. But he didn't he gave a matter of fact answer so I replied factually.

  • I don't really know much about that stuff, but you might be surprised by how many people who are in their 20s have never been in a relationship.

  • What is INTJ?

    • People with the INTJ personality type take pride in remaining rational and logical at all times, considering honesty and straightforward information to be paramount to euphemisms and platitudes in almost all circumstances. In many ways though, these qualities of coolness and detachment aren't the weapons of truth that they appear to be, but are instead shields designed to protect the inner emotions that INTJs feel. In fact, because their emotions are such an underdeveloped tool, INTJs often feel them more strongly than many overtly emotional types because they simply haven't learned how to control them effectively.

  • OP, are you fat?
    Are you ugly?

    • Guys who hit on me think Im beautiful. 10 minutes into the conversation the only response I get from whatever intellectual remarks I make is "You're so pretty" "You're beautiful" "Why no guys like you? You're hot" "I think you should be a VS angel" "Are you an actress" "You should be a model"... I uess that answers your question.

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    • ok. then we're done. good luck.

    • good...

  • i don't kno wwhat that is

  • I would marry you if I knew who you were. But the question is, would you marry me? I'm 26. I play League of Legends and use GaG and abovetopsecret. com 24/7. I read some books in the past... I watch movies when I'm really bored... I don't got a job. The only sex I've had was with four prostitutes in August 2015 for less than 15 minutes. Truly, a terrible fate and treacherous scam I've faced. I have debt from college loans that I refuse to repay. It's not like the government ever had this money to begin with, they want me to repay money that never existed. I hate this planet and humanity and I'm preparing for World War III before it reaches the United States. Once I destroy all malevolent beings, I will create a new age of light and benevolence, I want to make the Venus Project and the Free World Charter a reality. If you refuse to marry me, then that's the problem. Your standards may be too high. Maybe, you fail to see a guy's potential in the future. No guy is perfect from the start especially on Planet Earth. But perfection can be achieved... sometimes. :D

    • I prefer simple guys :)

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    • Whatever you do, don't give up. I know you'll find love and happiness.

    • Will remember that

  • So, people actually use that INTJ, ESFJ, etc crap in daily life? Huh.


    "I'm mostly being described as feisty, independent, strong, intelligent yet somewhat a romanticist and feminine. I thought guys like that... lol"

    Sometimes, a few of those traits aren't attractive to men because the women who have them often have a chip on their shoulder towards men. So guys start associating those qualities with man-haters... and therefore reject girls who have such qualities as a matter of habit.

    And if they aren't man-haters, they are often simply rude (women seem to confuse "strong and independent" with "unbearable, rude, ill-bred").

    It's a shame, because most of those qualities are otherwise quite desirable.


    You might simply be shy. Maybe you aren't giving signals to men that you are open to them approaching you, or that you aren't interested in them talking to you when they do approach. You may need to reconsider the non-verbal and verbal signals you are sending men when you are talking to them.

    Actually, I just read your interaction with @Aeliuz

    The problem is that you are rude.

    "Aeliuz: I don't know what either INTJ or ESFJ is.
    YOU: Then don't answer it..."

    If a man spoke to me that way, he'd lose some teeth... and most men damn well know they can't speak to other people that way unless they are looking for a fight. Aeliuz handled it well and redirected the conversation into constructive areas again...

    But when a woman does that... are we supposed to find her attractive? No, of course not. It's actually much more irritating than when a woman does it, purely because a lot of girls know they can hide behind gender/social norms and get away with bad manners. It's extremely unattractive behavior.

    So work on your manners. I guarantee that's what is holding you back.

    • i wasn't trying to be rude. I was stating it as a matter of fact instead

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    • If logic is that important to you, then as a fellow INTJ, let me point out a lack of it on your part: you are rationalizing.

      You are trying to rationalize away what I have written because it's uncomfortable to be criticized. Now frankly, I don't care either way whether or not you take my advice -- your life, your problem. However, you came here for advice, and if you are going to benefit from it, then you need to be humble and self-aware enough to accept that advice, even when it is critical of you.

      I'm not judging you. I am simply pointing out what you are doing, in so far as I'm able to see it based upon what you have written.

      In any case, this is my last post to you, since there's little more to say. You have my advice now, take it or leave it.

    • I honestly don't care for critisim. I just want answers which you are not giving or making sense out of. I don't want assumptions based on some internet persona I have or few sentence I said. I want answers and not assumptions. I would definitely take even the harshest advice as long as it make sense :)

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