My girlfriend just told me that she doesn't want to have sex at any point in time in our relationship?

I have needs. You are fooling yourself if you think love is the only thing to a relationship. It seems like I always seem to date the women that don't want to have sex but just want to kiss, waste my time and money, and build a connection. Sex isn't the only thing I want. It is an important part of a relationship.

What should I do?

I have already gone through this once.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • If you genuinely believe that your penis is more of a priority than honoring her feelings then it would be best for the both of you to go your separate ways. Your sense of entitlement and this attitude where you seem to expect vagina in return for your time and money is highly off-putting and slightly disgusting. That's coming from a woman who is far from a virgin and enjoys sex.

    You feel like your penis in a vagina is a priority. For whatever reason, she does not wish to experience that. You don't think it's fair for you to be in a relationship and not get your dick wet. I'm sure she doesn't think it's fair to feel pressured by you and trivialized as a woman by you for not willingly spreading her legs. The only option is for you to leave the relationship and move forward. But don't bitch and complain shall you find another female who gladly fuqs you yet can't satisfy you on a certain level mentally and emotionally.

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    • Sex is an important part of any relationship. I said that already. I never said I expected sex. You are jumping to conclusions.

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    • Not a problem dear, have a good weekend.

Most Helpful Guy

  • I think that was something tou two should have ALREADY discussed in great length in what each other want in a relationship in all aspects before heading into a relationship. I can tell you that the both of you are strongly uncompatible sexually for each other. There's only one outcome to this new r/s, I think you should re-iterate to your girlfriend what you want and what your needs are. If she still feels like that she does not want to have sex with you at all while being together then it's probably best for you to end the relationship. If you already feel like your needs aren't met then there's no use in fighting against what you want because it will make you miserable. If you are not already!

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What Girls Said 17

  • Whoa there! I must disagree slightly. Im with a man (a long time now!) I have been practicing abstinence with... Sooo, that's your truth, but let's not label everyone with it.
    Anyways, I think you should find someone else to date. Because she deserves someone who respects her boundaries, and you deserve someone who you find satisfies your needs. Do NOT try to talk her into it... Thats so wrong, honestly its an emotional massacre.
    Besides, if you aren't willing to sacrifice this for her, do you really love her? No. Best to move on probably, for you and for her.
    I wish you luck on your journey to find the lucky one! Sure as hell took me forever but if I can, you definitely can lol

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    • How you define love is interesting because love and sex go hand and hand. You can't have one without the other. What happens when you get married and you have very little sexual chemistry.

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    • You're correct. Rape is abuse. So is wasting part of a person's life abuse. Obviously not to the same degree. A relationship full of love without sex may not be pointless to YOU. To the poster, it is pointless, just as it is pointless to a number of other people. Just because you feel the way you do, you should not feel entitled to belittle other people's need for physical closeness as, "get your dick wet." You will find other people (male and female) on this site who agree that a sexless relationship is pointless, and some who feel devalued and demeaned by a sexless relationship.

      I am sorry that your traumatic experience makes my (and the poster's) view incomprehensible to the point where you feel compelled to belittle it, and I hope that you are able to heal in the future. You truly have my best hopes, and my sorrow and understanding (to the degree that I am able to understand it) for what you went through.

    • No sweetheart, thats not abuse. Also, I am in no way belittling, its just true. If that offends you, sorryyy.
      If you had read my comments, you'd know that's what I was saying. That it's not a big deal to everyone, but he was trying to convince me as such.
      Thanks for your support.

  • Damn. Sex definitely isn't the only thing, but it's important. I'd break up. Call me a slut or jerk or whatever, but I need it with the person I love. I could deal with someone being abstinent, but no sex ever? I can't. My cunt can't.

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  • You tell her straight up that a healthy sex life is important to you. If wants an asexual but not-aromantic relationship, she needs to find someone okay with that, because you aren't. Either she compromises or you leave.

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    • Damn cut and dry.

    • It is pretty cut and dry. I mean no disrespect to the woman, don't get me wrong, if she wants a relationship that has nothing sexual at any point of the relationship, that is completely okay - but she needs to do that with somebody who wants that as well. In a relationship, you have to compromise, and if either person can't come to a compromise, then it's better ended.

  • Incompatibility. Just end the things with her. There is no way it can work oh yeah there is, but you might end up cheating which is worst. So you better break up with her. Honestly I think that sex is one of the most important things in a relationship. Wouldn't be with a guy who doesn't want sex.

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  • If she never wants to have sex in the future then just break up. You shouldn't have to deal with that. Just continue bein FRIENDS and find yourself a real girlfriend

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  • Time to move on. When your relationship goal are that different from hers, it will just lead to frustration and heartache for both of you.

    This is not about the rights and wrongs of abstinence. This is about two people who disagree on sex... and you're right, sex is crucial. It's great to be abstinant if you choose to be; but if that's your choice, be abstinant with a partner who shares your views.

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  • She was honest with you and not giving it up. Being honest and give up. She doesn't want that, and if she said NEVER I don't blame you for leaving asap. If she said not right now then leave her, you don't deserve her if she's waiting to do that with you. Overall don't stay in the relationship, go get someone who has the same wants, and maybe be a little more upfront before you develop stronger feelings like you did for this girl.

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  • Does she want you to marry her to get sex? Then marry her. Just kidding.

    How to avoid waste time building a connection.. tell them on the first date that sex is part of a relationship to you, if they don't think like you, there will be no second date.
    How to avoid spending money... make the first date be a walk in the park, free museum day or starbucks, where you go first and only pay your own drink.

    Problem solved.

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  • Sex is a way to physically express our love. It's weird that she doesn't want sex!

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  • What does that even mean? did you ask her why she doesn't want sex? Maybe there are some psychological issues involved in which you can assist in her in counselling? I don't think it's normal for someone to not want to ever sex as humans we are built for having sex.

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  • Leave her.

    It's clear that you consider sex an important part of a healthy relationship, and she is not satisfying that need. There is only one logical course of action.

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  • It is important

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  • She may or may not be waiting for marriage if so she's one of a kind and if you really love her you'll wait because she's clearly worth it😍😍don't let her go✋if so.

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    • waiting doesn't mean someone is worth it, you are too young to understand.

    • You're to sexually frustrated to understand✋

  • Either compromise, ask for an open relationship, or just leave

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    • I tried to ask for an open relationship but she said no.

  • Respect that. If you really can't cope with it, break up.

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  • That's odd.

    I'd say to break up. I don't know why adults would even bother having romantic relationships without ever having sex. I can see if they choose to wait for religious reasons or whatnot, but why not at all?

    Be kind, but honest that you're looking for something different.

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  • Dump her. Move on.

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    • Is there any way it can work out because her and I have such good chemistry.

    • Honestly, sexual chemistry is just as important. Unless she's willing to meet you half way, and you her, it's just not going to work. She'll get pissed when you're horny, you'll get pissed when she turns you down.

What Guys Said 22

  • You are right. A sexual relationship is one of the defining characteristics of a romantic relationships as opposed to a platonic relationship. Did she have sex with you at one time and now she is changing her position, or have you never had sex with her? What is the motivating force behind her decision?

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    • Sex is not a 'defining characteristic of a romantic relationship' nor is a sexless relationship the equivalent to a platonic relationship. Speak for yourself instead of attaching your concept of a romantic relationship to everyone else. Trivializing someone's relationship where you diminish the attachment and underestimate the overall romantic possibility is intellectually arrogant and rude.

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    • Oh, and don't bother trying to accomplish anything by patronizing me with "love" and such. It's amusing at best.

    • Amen to that

  • she never ever wants to have sex?

    well if sex is important to you in a relationship then you definitely need to get out of this one

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  • Thank her for being honest and not lying to you. End the relationship.

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  • Simple question:
    What are you getting out of the relationship?
    If it doesn't trump your desires, then go, if you are satisfied with it, then stay. No one can decide for you what is important to you. You will not change her, and thinking that you will is self delusional. Sounds like staying with her is going to be a lifetime of knowing "rosy palm and her five children," if you can live with that then all is good, if not get while the getting is good.

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  • Just end things with her. There's no way this will turn out well. It would be wrong of her to force you to stay abstinent when you don't want to, and it would be very wrong of you to force her to have sex with you when she doesn't want to. You'll eventually end up resenting her if you try to stick through this. Just break up with her and find a girl who you're more compatible with.

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  • Dude honestly this woman sounds like she wants a best friend so break it off and be friends!

    And to all the ladies saying he shouldn't feel entitled why is it ok for him to meet all her needs emotionally but she can't meet his needs physically? Now your making it a one way street im sure this dude does any and everything for her and before you crucify me i just want to say that yes he should wait at least 6 months i have no problem with that cause that time will weed out any "players"

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    • No. She's not meeting his EMOTIONAL needs to be accepted and loved and cared for. She is being rejecting and unloving, as well as demeaning him and trivializing his needs for closeness.

      See? Men can play the emotion card too!

  • Try to find out why? whats her way of thinking? Talk about what you want. Try to compromise. Is it religion? I hate to say it but if you can't reach some sort of understanding maybe you arnt meant to be. If its religious that is something very personal to people and I dont think its would be right for you to get her to violate those views because you would potentially change the person she is.

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  • If you want sex, then leave. Simple as that

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    • Read the full post.

    • It sucks, but you can't complain when you have the choice to leave the situation.

      Sex may not be all you want, but if it is indeed important to you, then leave.

  • Get shot of her mate. She's a screwball and she'll drag you down to her level. Date somebody normal

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  • State your boundaries and tell her if she won't put out then you'll move on. Don't settle for women who aren't to your standards. It's not worth it to go less.

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  • Look elsewhere to get your needs satisfied.

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  • Get the fuck out of that relationship. You've literally been put into an unofficial sexless marriage.

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  • Leave her. Plain and simple.

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  • She doesn't truly love you then. Leave her.

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  • just dont spend money on her.

    see if she stays.

    play stupid games win stupid prizes.

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  • Mabye what she isn't saying is no sex because she never wants kids.

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  • I'd leave. It sounds like she's not into you

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  • Tell her if she only wants a companion try getting a pet. If you need more from a relationship than that, just move on.

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  • Considering that asexuals are statistically very rare, and that this happened more than once to you...

    She's just not into you sexually (assuming that she really did say that she would never have sex with you, ever).

    Just move on.

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  • She is lesibeian dude

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  • Same thing here she wants to wait till marriage and expects me to pay for everything

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  • Dump her.

    Sex isn't the most important thing in a relationship, but if she thinks you can have a healthy one, without it, she's a waste of time.

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    • A woman doesn't collectively become a waste of time because she won't spread her legs for a man.

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    • No, she doesn't. It's also not what I said, at all.

      However, saying that you will never, ever have sex, but still expect to have a healthy relationship, without it, makes her one.

      A relationship without intimacy is doomed to failure, which is pretty much the definition of "waste of time".

      If a woman tells me that we'll never have sex; that's fine. I'll totally respect her, and her decision. I wouldn't date her, though. If she says, "Let's date, but don't even expect to have sex with me," that's different.

      It's the expectation of a relationship, without sex, collectively, that makes her a waste of his time. She wants something to satisfy her desire for a relationship, but is unwilling to satisfying his need for intimacy. Bad combination.

    • Absolutely rig my man. She's a waste of your time.

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