Why does everyone complain about nice guys syndrome and forget about "nice girls"?

If you are a nice guy why don't you go for the nice girl instead of going for the stereotyped hot girl and complain about not getting with her, the only type of girls who like bad boys are bad Girls, even bad boys don't like having a nice girl, the bottom line is why do ask someone who is different from you and get mad when they reject you? Seriously


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I honestly have no idea! I'm one of the nice ones and I get overlooked all the time. OR people use my niceness against me and use me for things like sex and money.

    I'm a very giving and understanding person. But that seems to be a problem because they seem to show disrespect.

    I don't know if nice girls are inherently ignored. I do get bf's but they aren't always decent ones. But I find it hard to find a guy who is interested in me. It seems like guys who are decent are not interested in me. I'm not sure why. I'm educated, I have a job, and I've been told I'm attractive. I have also been told I am not boring and that I have a great personality.

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    • I feel the same. Are you assertive with going after the guys you want most?

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    • yep, nice girls are really ignored all the time!

    • Keep in mind that people might have reasons not to pursue you even if they are very interested.
      There are many people I've passed by or declined in some way. I'm rather in-discriminant in my decision to refuse dating. No matter how interested I am in someone, I don't make a move or acknowledge any of theirs.

      Cheers!

Most Helpful Guy

  • Guys who claim to be "nice guys" are usually just cowards who use it as an excuse for their failure to actually do something and take the initiative. Real nice guys finish first. I agree with you though that nice girls are often ignored. Lucky for me that's the type I go after.

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    • Just because a nice guy is a coward doesn't make him an asshole.

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    • you are claiming guys that are bitter cause their own failure are jerks.

    • @ManuelMarquez once again I didn't say anything along those lines. We are exactly where we started with you saying that I typed something that isn't there.

What Girls Said 39

  • I've always said this. I know I sound mean, but it's hypocritical. Because "nice" guys are chasing girls who are usually attractive and don't really want them. It sucks, I know. But, at the same time, they're judging girls who are chasing guys who (you guessed it), are attractive and don't really want them.

    I get that it's hard to move on from someone you really like, but god damn. There's a limit to how much everyone can take. If she doesn't want you, then go.

    Kind girls are also used as shoulders to cry on. But you know what happens when they get all obsessed and creepy? We tell them! "Girl, stop. You're being a creep now. Don't stalk him. There are plenty of people out there, move on."
    I feel that guys just egg each other on "I know man! She's such a bitch! Fucking girls don't care about anything. Tag her in this pic about the friendzone."

    I do feel bad for these people who are too sprung on someone to just let go. But they have to learn. If they don't listen to advice, I guess they'll have to learn the hard way.

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    • Also, if everyone is treating you this way, I know this is harsh, but maybe it's you. You can keep crying and blaming all women or all men for being shitty, but eventually you have to realize that something is up with you too.

      Maybe you're falling for the wrong people.
      Maybe you're too insecure.
      Maybe even, and I know this harsh, but it's something with your looks.

      If you keep failing, you have to switch it up. I know, you're mama's special snowflake, and you don't need to change because she says you're perfect. Well, if you plan on fucking your mom, keep thinking that way. Otherwise use your past to make you better, not bitter.

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    • @ManuelMarquez it's true.

      @nymous1234 yup. I learned that lesson the hard way.

      @Bluemax I never said they're hypocritical for not finding ugly people attractive. I said they're hypocritical for judging and complaining that these girls are chasing guys they find attractive when that guy is disregarding their feelings. Yet they're doing the exact same thing and I find that hypocrisy.
      And thanks lol

    • I understand you, Buchita. I should make it clear that I'm not just talking to you. I'm talking to anyone who happens to be reading this. And you're welcome.

  • The guys who call themselves nice are usually not nice. If they were than they wouldn't have to say anything about how "nice" they are. Actions speak louder than words.

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    • THIS THIS THIS!

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    • Hehe. OMG yes! Nobody should claim a label that describes how others feel around them. It's like the guys who say "I'm a super tough alpha male. Why don't girls like me?"

      Umm... Because you think you are some super tough alpaca male, yet feel like you need to tell everyone.

    • "Alpaca male". I love autocorrect sometimes.

  • I feel like thanks to social media, movies, celebrities etc. people are encouraged to look as attractive as possible and try to be with someone that is also attractive. If you watch a guy movie, the girls in the movie will ALWAYS be total hotties, and same for if you watch a chick flick. Even in the movies where they have a "nice guy/girl" character they are still being played by a really attractive person, so people think that they should go for attractive people. Well my theory is that attractive people are used to people liking them, and things going their way so a majority of time they don't have to rely on being nice or developing their personality. Someone that isn't as attractive knows this and will be nice, funny, charming etc. to makeup for being not as attractive as the bad boy/bad girl.

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    • I think 2 million years of human evolution is a far more compelling factor than movies as to why people go for attractive people.

  • I think because its classified as more of an issur for guys than girls. Its as if niceness interferes with a guys masculinty lmao. Total bullshit of course.

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  • I wish giys would go for the nice girl. We have a lot more to offer than the girls who just want casual meaningless relationships, that end in disaster. My advice: Give a good girl a shot. You may find that you'll end up happier than with a girl who ends up in bed with you on the third date... :P

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    • Well alright, what is your definition of a nice girl?

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    • @Calex That is true. I have found myself considering the friends with benefits relationship before. But, I just meant that a girl who flaunts her chest at men in really low cut tops or who wears skirts that barely cover anything may not be as respectable.

      Your choice in clothing doesn't exactly define you. But, where I am living, most normal girls wear what they are comfortable with instead of something really revealing. Unless you are trying to pick up a guy, or sleep with him. :(

  • because 'nice' guys like to go for bitches and the hottest girls they can find. they like mean girls, and pretend they had no idea that her behavior was terrible until after everything doesn't work out. then they try and act like all girls act terribly to make themselves feel like they don't need to take responsibility for who they went after.

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  • I'm a nice girl and guys never pay attention to me. Only the cool girls they go for, when it of the time the nice girls are better for them. But tbh it's their lose

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  • Meh. There are a variety of nice guys out there. Many do go for and appreciate the nice girl and live happily ever after or get their heart broken by nice girls... anything goes. But, it's a vain society... who doesn't have the hots for hot people at least sometimes? You're right though, to focus on this question... there are some nice guys who get so fixated on hot girls and can't find success with them for reasons like being too awkward, being too shy, not being up to those girls standards, etc.

    I've personally known a few nice guys who were far too critical about womens' looks and yearned for what they weren't getting. They were very picky. Women do this sometimes too, we can't lie about that. I do think women are more overall forgiving about physical appearance though less forgiving about career. I think more people need to be willing to tweak their standards to match what they bring to the table.

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  • Why does everyone complain about nice guys syndrome and forget about "nice girls"?
    In my opinion 'everyone' forgets about 'nice girls' because a gal's personality is irrelevant as a gal is solely/mainly valued for her youth and beauty.

    If you are a nice guy why don't you go for the nice girl?
    Probably because the nice gal isn't as attractive as he seeks. I find guys generally try to go for gals (far) more attractive than themselves. Take online dating for example despite male complaints that gals are the picky shallow ones there have been studies/surveys showing it is the opposite. Such as OKCupid's study showing that gals seek a variety of males appearances while 2/3 of men go for 1/3 of the most attractive gals.

    To me the idea that leagues don't exist is bullshit as guys seemingly spend a bit of time rating and ranking gals into leagues. They just play that leagues don't exist bs when it comes to chasing after a (far) more attractive gal.

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    • @udolipixie most women only respond to good looking guys on dating sites. Fact.

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    • people need to come to grips on things and start doing what's right for their selves

    • life is too precious to let life slip by we're not promised tomorrow

  • YES! thank you. Most guys focus on a very small group of women (the fun, loud, hot girls) and then get upset when they get rejected a lot. While there are plenty of girls that would appreciate them but are getting overlooked

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    • exactly, and then the worst part is that guys will accuse girls of doing that with players, but not see how their own behavior is.

  • True nice guys do go for a nice girls not just hot girls. Unfortunately some of them end of with overweight mean girls who don't appreciate them and are controlling. Smh

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  • I'm a nice girl and I feel like we finish last too. Guys want the fun girl

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  • Because plenty of nice girls aren't attractive to said nice guys. I believe people should go for what they're attracted to anyway. I'm also sure that plenty of nice guys do go after nice girls yet they aren't interested in them either.

    It's not necessarily all about the stereotypes. There are many situations that I can describe.

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  • Because kind women are idealized as purer and more "natural", whereas nice guys go against the grain of the traditional "masculine" male.

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  • Exactly. I am a nice girl and the nice guys never come for me. They so called nice guys like the bad girls or they hot girls. I need to turn bad to get something good, apparently.

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    • I wish I could come for you :)

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    • @AlwaysBelieving If i have to change who i am, is it something i should want? sigh... single for now... hopefully not for ever.

    • Ok, maybe I needed to put this in another way besides the "TL:DR" version.

      You should change things you want to change to be the best version of yourself. You have to remember that you're the only person that you can't run away from. So before making a change to "get what you want" (I. e. Turn into a "bad girl"), you'll have to think if that's part of your value system.

      If you don't and you do end up changing just to "get that one thing", you won't be able to live with yourself in my opinion.

      And yes, I've been seen as "parent safe" and "nice", that's just me. Sure I'm my age and no LTR and a virgin. I wouldn't have it any other way TBH since it's made me who I am.

  • Lol to be honest everyone should be looking for a GOOD person. Nice is actually kind of a facade that many people put on, but that is something I have only learned as I've gotten older.

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  • to me it seems that many nice guys think oh this girl is pretty, she is nice, smart - ok, I'm gonna go for it. But in reality for many girls that is just friendship and many girls actually want some deeper emotional, intellectuall and sexual connection

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  • I actually asked a question similar to this a few days ago because I go through it a lot, I seem to go for nice guys but they always just seem to be interested in the girls who are harder to get. Even tho I am a kinder person it's probably because nice girls seem more boring while mean ones are more of a challenge

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  • Nice guy/girl syndrome is just our generation of saying "I was rejected because of my looks/personality". When it's generally because people are attracted to whatever they are attracted too but everyone needs to justify this rejection by saying they make poor choices and only go for bad guys/girls. They go for what their attracted too, you're not entitled to another person's feelings. A nice person would shake it off and realize it's their preference and not a personal attack.

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  • There's a difference between nice girls and good girls. While I'm nice I'm not really "good." Most people overlook me too and it sucks, I don't know why they do it.

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  • Because the nice girls are taught by the modern purity ring Christendom that after they're done banging the alpha females in their high school & college years, they'll come to the sidelines to pick their pure & blushing virgin brides. "True love waits!"

    I used to be this girl...

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  • Because guys are visual. Wayyyyy more visual than girls are. Guys would rather pick a hot dim witted excuse of a female human than a woman with principles, morals, and brains that maybe doesn't look quite as hot as the doll.

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  • I like I've been saying there is good men and women everywhere it's just people seem to be fixated on approaching the wrong ones.

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  • I think both are helpful for the world lol

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  • I've always said this, that they're going after the wrong girls. It's because they want to beg AND choose.

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  • I really don't think all guys who get friendzoned go for the hot, bitchy girl...

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    • You are thee voice of reason in this entire thread.

    • @Scrambledagain Really? Why, thank you

    • Well exactly. The reality is that a nice/shy guy doesn't go for the top girl because he knows he won't get her. But even the other girls don't go for him. What makes a man unattractive to a hot girl, is the same as a normal or ugly girl. Thats the reality and you implied that'.

  • it goes like this...
    you get something you want... but then u don't want it, you the "better" thing... that's all there is to it

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  • But actually...

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  • Nice girls? Bitch where

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  • Most people want what they can't have.

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What Guys Said 49

  • Because men don't give a shit about anything other than attractiveness when it comes to women. They will date pretty much any interested girl, given physical attraction. Women are pickier and have more conditions. The only exception I can think of is men who have many more options, in which case they will be more picky.

    No one talks about nice girls, because a woman's personality is more or less irrelevant.

    An overly nice guy is confused or thought, subconsciously or otherwise, to be weak in some regard. Strength, capability, confidence, ambition are all things that you would think a nice guy lacks--and also big things women look for. A nice guy does not present himself with confidence, often. He panders to women and is essentially submissive. Some can also be viewed to be nice due to desperation for pussy. E. g., "He's being nice to me because he wants something." Some think that way.

    Whereas, it doesn't matter if a woman is weak or insecure or even a bitch. Not really, at minimum it doesn't matter to men even close to as much as it matters to women. No. I am not saying men do not have standards or desires outside of physical attraction, but they are much less pronounced than females'.

    As for getting angry when rejected, I think it's quite common for anyone. Who wouldn't be, really. "Sorry, you're not good enough for me." It's an upsetting thing. I notice some women doing the same. They flirt with me, and when I give them a cold shoulder, they become anywhere from generally angry at me to becoming vicious. "Oh, well, he must be gay." / "Oh, well, nice guys finish last." It's a rationalization to avoid personal damage. Not, "Oh... I'm not good enough", but "Pff. They're stupid or gay or confused." Typical human delusion. Everyone does it, for various things. A method to protect the ego from harsh truths.

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    • I have heard those when I reject some girls. Doesn't it amaze you? The gay comment is the most common lol.

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    • It matters because that's what we see.
      You say men basically only care about looks in who they decide to go for, but that's not true. Men are most likely to approach women within their "league". And women that catch their attention without effort, like I said the loud, centre of attention ones.

      If you're beautiful but you're kinda dressed conservatively and sit quietly in the corner, don't expect to get asked out. And you won't care if guys might think you'd be the ideal girlfriend if they never act on it. That's why, as the author said "good girls" are often left out as well

    • @ Yeah, but I didn't say "men only go for the most attractive women", simply that attractiveness was the primary thing that males seek. Physical attraction doesn't mean ideal attractiveness. There are some below average looking women who I am somewhat attracted to. As for receptiveness, I think I also covered that in the "any interested girl." An extrovertive, loud, center of attention kind of girl is probably going to be more receptive or "interested", rather than a quiet, brooding amazingly hot woman at the bar, or a quiet mouse-woman in the corner of the room.

      Point being that the requirements for men are pretty much two things: base attractiveness, and receptiveness. Those are the things they look for, whereas women have many more conditions.

      Simply because a girl is quiet doesn't mean she is a good or nice girl. Body language of the girl in the corner would relate to receptiveness. She is closed off, distanced, essentially saying "stay away from me, I want to be alone."

  • There is a huge difference between how men and women are being raised. Women are being taught to be polite, but strong enough to stand up for themselves. Guys are being to believe that in order to be nice he has to make all sorts of sacrifices that he doesn't want to make, and that even standing up for himself will turn him into an asshole, or at the very least won't be a "real man" anymore.

    This is made worse by the fact that this type of "nice" where you don't think you can stand up for yourself or tell someone no, is actually just a sign of weakness and insecurity. That is a trait that causes women to lose attraction for a guy very quickly. So the very traits guys are taught should impress women, actually repel women. This fake type of nice isn't a trait you will ever find any bad boy having. Why is that? Because what makes a bad boy attractive isn't the fact he gets into trouble, it is that fact he isn't afraid to be himself, and do what makes him happy.

    If boys stopped getting raised to believe that being nice, means sacrificing their own happiness and self respect then the whole nice guy syndrome would disappear. What it really means to be nice is to do something for someone else because you want to do that for them. The moment you think you are being pressured into acting that way, then it is no longer about you being nice. It is about you being afraid of what others will think if you don't go along with it, and that is a sign of insecurity which will repel women.

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    • And who is raising gus to be nice? Generally single mothers. The father was probably some "a hole" or "deadbeat" that they chose and left. The kid had no father and was raised that way. This is what we have as a result. If you look back at the sexual revolution, single moms, and feminism, they all have some tie together with this issue.

  • Nahh I think you are overlooking the bad boy bad girl complex abit. It's like a vicious cycle most good girls will not take a good guy because they are afraid of the peer pressure of being with a dude with no 'swag'. Plus the process of becoming a bad girl or boy isn't instantaneous usually it's small things that already wilt and limit your preferences down. The good guy is definitely down played in current culture so most guys have this double facade of wanting to be good and bad, and females vice versa wanting all the allure of a bad boy but then down the line wanting a good guy who is stable and treats them right.

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  • the funny thing is the nice guys/girls always end up being the best friend or the shoulder to cry on after a breakup and they're too nice to actually move on and live their own life.

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  • I always try to go for nice girls or no girls. I have a high standard right off the bat for picking up on what you think of men.

    I think the reason it resonates more for men is because, as another put it, it interferes with how masculine we are perceived to be. People admire a man who isn't cautious and "takes what he wants" with disregard to those around him. At least in the US, where it is the staple attractive male character.

    With girls, there doesn't seem to be this interference. It seems like sexual and emotional attractiveness are more independent from each other in women, where looks determine a lot of sexual attractiveness, and personality determines emotional attractiveness. Being nice doesn't make her less sexy.

    For guys, it's like we have to choose whether we are emotionally attractive OR sexually attractive, because both are determined by personality, and a lot of the sexiest "manly" traits are the same traits that piss them off. It feels like they can like you, or they can be attracted to you, but being both is a tightrope walk that does feel like it leaves room to just be yourself.

    In practice, it feels like girls prefer a nicer guy, but secretly crave living out one of their fantasy romance novels where their sheer goodness heals a damaged man. So they look for a man who needs to be fixed. The same way a guy fantasizes about saving a girl. The difference is that for a guy, being good and happy impedes her fantasy. But being a happy and nice girl doesn't impede on his.

    I suppose that's why one study showed that men liked pictures of girls who were smiling, while women were least attracted to smiling men, but preferred aloofness or pride.

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  • Sigh... Once again.

    The problem isn't that nice guys don't get laid.

    The problem is women reject nice guys while they are having fun, fuck a string of bad boys, then think they are worthy of the nice guys they rejected years ago when they want to settle down.

    Nice guys are calling out women as users.

    THAT'S the argument.

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    • guys always try to go for the hottest girls they can find right? they might fuck anyone but for a relationship they want the best they can find.

    • @VampireEmpress i don't agree with that. I have been enamored with such a large variety of women, mostly quirky in some way.

  • Generally the attraction to the "bad" isn't as strong in men. From a very young age men are drawn to "nice" girls. How many nice little nerdy girls do you know that are single compared to nice little nerdy boys?

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  • Oh trust me, I did ask nice girls out guess what? They love bad boys. And I saw nice guys ask them nice girls but yet they reject them cuz they are not interesting enough. Not my word it their word.

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    • I never like bad girls as well. I don't remember my guys friends have thing for bad girls seriously

  • All the 'nice' girls i've dated later told me they were too busy with work or study to hang out with me more or straight up ignored me. Makes you wonder why they were dating in the first place. But I'm still holding out hope for them for some reason.

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  • I wanted to ask this question but forgot good question asker 👍👍

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  • Most people are nice, okay? "Nice guy" and "nice girl" are basically just titles given to people when they have nothing special to offer.

    Like you tell your friend how much you like your crush, and you ask your friend what he thinks of her, and he says "oh, uhhh... she's... nice..." Because really, she's not a noteworthy person in any way.

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  • I think the girls who reject them aren't necessarily "stereotyped hot girls". I think those girls just don't find him attractive whatsoever for whatever deal breaker reason.

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  • its not so black and white, but i see the point you're trying to make.

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  • The nice guy/girl thing is just assuming that being "nice" (when these people are usually the opposite or just neutral) will get you a partner.

    Fun fact: It won't. People care more than just how many compliments you give others or how many doors you hold open. Physical attractiveness does matter, as does your overall personality, character, status, etc. Everyone has different tastes, and everyone places different weight on different things. If someone doesn't like you, don't take it personally. There's thousands of other people to date.

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  • personality compatibility isn't that black and white.
    even with Jungian personality classifications its everyday situations is limited because only the Extrovert/Introvert attribute surfaces and provides information about social interaction ( how well people get together). The Intuitive/Sensing, Feeling/Thinking, Judging/Perceiving characterisations provide information about how information from the senses is processed. Even this can`t predict a persons sum total personality.
    Keeping in mind every one is their own microcosm in a sense.

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  • No there are also seemingly nice girls, who want bad boys. the problem is women have no true identity anymore, so they go look for it at shallow individuals who act cool and tough but have nothing behind them that is actually cool or tough

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  • And what to do when you just can't even find a nice girl? I mean... they don't really show themselves as much as the other girls do. I would sure as hell like to have a nice one rather than a bitch, even if the bitch is super hot.

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  • do you want the truth? i want an attractive girl simply put , she has to be attractive to me nad msot nice girls dont put in as much effort in their appearance as bitchy girls which is a reason , also nice girls are a bit... insecure and confused , they dont know how to act or what to choose and they will refuse to do some things , its easy to see why some guys find that repelling , now dont get the wrong idea if i ( and most guys i know ) do happen to find a nice, attractive and confident girl ( she has to be at least slightly above average in terms of smarts ) its almost always the kind of girl we will consider dating and being in a realtionship with , bad girls are usually just for sex ( i dont even have sex with them i just find them unattractive and untrutstworthy) they can't be trusted, they want way too mcuh freedom, they have no respect , so yeah ncie girls are better.

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  • Good question.

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  • Brooo three things.

    1) We don't choose who we like and we never have a sure way to know if we are going to get rejected or not. If we knew no body would have heartbrakes.
    2) Hot girl doesn't necessarily mean bad girl.
    3) The same thing happen with the nice guy, we don't reject you because you are nice, we reject you cause you are probably not fun or interesting enough, you lack that spark of attraction.

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  • I am a nice guy and I found a nice girl. I used to think like that, then found a nice girl I love. Couldn't be happier.

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  • A nice girl? Shit those really exist? I have never met a nice woman before. I've met women who are fake and try and be nice but sooner or later their true colors shine through.

    I always thought nice women were similar to Pixies.

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  • I think you are relying way too much on stereotypes. Hot girls like a spectrum of men. Some good; some bad

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  • I never usually think about that. All girls I'mm attracted to are usually nice, even if I dont know her.

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  • The caveat to "nice" is generally that it also implies ugly and or desperate. A hot guy who is actually nice is considered to be the best possible prize for women--someone who his hot who will try to make his girl as happy as he can.

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  • "the only type of girls who like bad boys are bad Girls"

    Lol. "nice girls" have just as much of a tendency of having to 'settle' with "nice guys" then the other way around.

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  • what makes you think nice guys avoid nice girls? And are there actually any nice girls left in the West?

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  • nice guy and bad boy syndrome doesn't exist. we all have different personalities with different tastes

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  • Oh, I certainly want a very kind girl. :)
    I simply wouldn't mind at all if she was a little hot on the side. ;)

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  • Me, Personally im a nice guy and i understand wym. I ask out pretty girls thats not nice even though i look for nice girls. there's not many nice girls that i can find so i just try to do my best and sometimes it works. sometimes it doesn't but if she is like reaaaalllllllyyyyyy mean but pretty i wouldn't ask her out.

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