"I don't want a relationship" but we keep going on dates?

So this is the second time I've gone on a date with this girl. After the first time she had said: "You're a great guy but I just got out of a four year relationship and I don't want to lead you on. I'm fine to hangout though." I figured that meant it was over.

After about a month I hit her up, she invited me to her party, I had to leave early but said I'd set something up with her later just us two. So I did, we had lunch (like last time), I dressed up a bit nicer than before cause I figured maybe that was the issue. It was nice, conversation was easy, she seemed to laugh and smile a lot. However I can still sense an awkwardness, more of an aprhension/hesitance about her. Yes I made sure to pay for lunch.

Walked her back to her car with the umbrella since it was raining, and tried to subtly pull in for that cliche kiss after a nice date but I don't think she took the hint or maybe is really good at avoiding it. Thing is we've setup another one and I'm confused. Is this girl just wanting to take it slow or is this really a "just friends" thing? I'm enjoying my time with her for sure, but I also don't want to make her feel pressured.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Sounds like she's taking you for a ride. I doubt she'd ever want anything serious with you.

    She sounds like she's either:
    A. Using you. I'd never let a guy friend pay for my dates. She probably wants to get as much out of you by stringing you along. You deserve better.
    B. Maybe she's open to a friend's with benefits. You might be down for that, but like I said, if you want something serious, just don't get your hopes up.

    Proceed with caution. Based on this, she sounds like an asshole who's stringing you along. I'd keep away.

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    • Yea I tried asking her about that and she keeps saying "yea we will do something" and it never really happens. She seems fine to just go to lunch and have me pay so I canceled everything and haven't talked to her since.

    • That's good.

Most Helpful Guy

  • She just got out of a 4 year relationship. If you wanna hang out and screw around, that's an option. If you are deadset on looking for a relationship, move on.

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    • Nah not dead set on anything at all. Just wondering where the hell this is going or where it can go.

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    • Now don't mis-understand. None of it implies she is actually all that. It's just something I would think towards when she would suddenly change her mind. Something wouldn't quite add up.

    • Oh I wasn't thinking it was for sure it was the absolute answer but you're right it wouldn't add up for her to suddenly shift her mind.

What Girls Said 6

  • She told you she wasn't looking for anything serious, so I would move on. I also think it was wrong on her part to have you pay for the lunch. If I told you we're "friends", then I'm paying my half.

    You should move on.

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  • You sound like a really nice guy and I think she does too, since she agreed to go to lunch with you. The awkwarkness and hesitance from her might be because she's nervous. If she likes you she wants it to be perfect, and not screw things up. I don't know what went wrong with her previous relationship, but maybe she wants to be sure the same thing won't happen with you.
    My advice would be to go on a few more dates and if you still don't get a reaction from her, she's probably still not ready, or simply sees you as a friend. :)

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  • You're doing a great job, just don't get your hopes up just yet. Don't pressure her either because it will be a negative for you. Be you! I'm sure she's thinking on giving you are chance but continue to be funny, if you can make her laugh you can make her do anything. You got this!

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  • You are "just friends" she was nice enough to tell you and is true to her word. Sometimes we just like having guy friends to do stuff with. I think you should cool it though if you have romantic feelings for her.

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  • You two are just friends. 100% Friends. Buddies. Bups. Chums. Pals.

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  • To me it sounds like she wants to be friends, especially if she avoided the whole kiss thing. If she directly said that she wants to take it slow, than that it is the issue. If she didn't specify, then she probably wants to be just friends for now.

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What Guys Said 2

  • Just watch yourself, don't let her use you for free food and drinks.

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  • I think that she likes you but isn't ready to be in a relationship as she said. Maybe she' afraid and wants to take things slowly or she has her priorities. It's not a friends thing, she likes you for sure.

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