My boyfriend sucks at texting. How to bring it up?

My boyfriend is the most wonderful guy when we're together. Constantly telling me I'm beautiful, holding me, and making sure I'm happy. But when we're not together, he might as well not exist. He's not very attentive or affectionate through text message. I know what's in person is more important but it's nice to be in contact through text when we can't be together, to know what he's doing and that he's thinking about me.

Am I being too needy? How can I bring it up?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • If it bothers you that much, you should talk about it honestly with him, because I wouldn't expect you to just be able to "turn it off" with regard to you wanting to be texting him more.

    That being said, from a guy's perspective, I agree with the other opinions that I generally kind of hate texting, and don't want to do it more. I like to be able to focus on what I'm doing. The benefit in this to a girl is that when I'm with her, that's what I want my focus to be. That being said, when I'm not, I probably have other things to be doing, and texting a girl all day just makes me that much more distracted/less productive, which just leads to me not being able to focus on her as well when we are together. I don't have a problem texting once or twice in the morning or mid afternoon to check in, but I don't want to be with someone who needs a constant stream of texts to feel reassured about herself.

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What Guys Said 8

  • I think you're being too needy. He already shows you through actions and words he loves you. Personally I hate texting. It's a pain in the ass. I'd prefer to call. You don't want to smother him and you need to give each other time to miss each other in between dates. He also needs his space. You say he's not very attentive. What do you mean by this? That he's not telling you how much he loves you and how great you are at least once a day, or he ignores you if you need his help or if you're having issues with something that day?

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    • He texts me mid afternoon usually and asks me what I'm up to, and I'll tell him and then ask him he same. If I complain or say something that happened that particular day is bothering me he says "that sucks" or doesn't even respond at all.

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    • I'm not needy at all that's the thing. If anything he is the more clingy one. It's just this that is bothering me.

    • To be fair, you are acting like it.

  • Yes, you're being too needy. Get a grip of yourself woman. Better he be affectionate in person and a ghost over a damn phone than the other way around.

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  • Just explain that its okay to start the conversations. As well he may be trying too hard to be polite. As you both do have separate lives.

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    • He usually starts the conversation, I never do with anyone which is probably why he and I don't text much

    • Maybe you should start it once and maybe it would. Make his day

  • Let him know how ya feel but don't make it a bigger deal than it is

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  • Try calling him rather than texting.

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    • We call each other when we want or need an immediate response. But if it's just chit chat there's no real need

    • Yeah thanks to texting the art of phone conversations has dropped dramatically. Men have always been poor communicators but the texting male is little better than his cave man grunting ancestors.

  • You are being needy, IMHO.

    Texting is not just a "guy thing" - we text for a purpose, not to just chat. Dating was so much better before texting, you appreciated time together more, and there wasn't this constant need for contact.

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    • Honestly I'm the same way. If my girl friends text me with no real purpose I ask if they need anything because I don't want to text pointlessly. But for some reason it's just nice to have my boyfriend texting me. Just to make me feel like someone cares.

  • Tell him he needs to do better.

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  • Ever consider that you are the one who needs to text less and make more time for face to face?

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    • We're both on winter break so we spend a lot of time together. Yesterday we were together from noon until 10 pm. But for example today he was with his buddies and I didn't hear from him all day which bugs me

    • I think in this particular instance you should give the guy a break, you knew he was with his guy friends. Texting is really no substitute for at least talking on the phone and I don't think guys get much, if anything, out of it. I know I don't. I pretty much wish it was never invented.

    • For example, for me in your situation, I would be totally happy to get a good morning text and a good night text.

What Girls Said 1

  • I completely understand where you're coming from. I'm not a big texter, and I know that most guys aren't massive fans of it. But, it's just such a convenient form of communication. I don't like to call, especially during weekdays because everyone's so busy with work or whatever. My guy is perfect in person, but texting is just soo bad... and is getting worse. It's important to me because we live so far apart (hundreds of kilometres away). I get what you're saying about how it's/would just be nice to hear from them 😊... I don't think you're being needy. I guess just try not to take it personally, focus on how loving he is in person. An action can be worth a thousand words. I message my guy much less now, but when I do, I try to just make it really count 😉. I hope that helps!

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