There is a man I'm in love with, and I know he loves me back, but he's afraid to trust because we've had a rocky past. We met up again for the first time in about a year, and I had planned to take it slow, but things got really passionate and we jumped right into bed together. Then the next time I saw him... same thing. Then he freaked out and said the prospect of losing me again is too much and it feels too risky. In the past, whenever he'd hurt me, I'd get scared and then out of fear, say hurtful things to him and basically dump him cold turkey. I've since learned, but I realize that my apologizing and assuring him with words isn't enough to convince him and make him feel safe. What can I do to prove to him how much I love him and how completely invested I am in us?
Most Helpful Guy
You're gonna' have to prove it to him through consistently showing him you've changed. Hopefully he'll see you're in it for the long term. It's not just your specific situation but having peoples trust as a whole is pretty valuable thing. Not that easy to rebuild huh.0
Most Helpful Girl
Learning to trust is one of the most difficult tasks in life, twice as more difficult to trust someone a second time. It's so easy to apologise to someone, but not so easy to change and stop yourself from making the same mistake again... the same thing which you've already said sorry for. Sorry means nothing if you repeat the same mistake over and over.
The reason I say that is because I can relate to what you say. I used to say hurtful things and pull away when someone hurt me. I've even cut contact with people , and they have been totally oblivious to the fact I ended the friendship because I'd felt hurt by them.
The biggest challenge in life is to change how you respond to things which hurt you, but it is achievable.
People are characterised by their actions not just their words, so the only way to prove your apology is genuine is the old cliche.. ... TIME. In time he will see that you've changed , by the way in which you respond to things which hurt you.
He's scared of losing his emotional security again. Over time he will learn to feel safe with you again. He'll realise he can trust you when YOU are faced with a situation which would usually cause to to say hurtful things and go cold turkey on him... but instead you respond in a postive way instead of a negative way.
So the only time you discover is someone's changed or not is when you see them faced with a situation and they react in a different way to the way they usued to. 💜 xx0