So I've recently got with this guy I really, really like. He's just really great, however I have a bit of an issue.
i have a few old self-harm scars on my thighs, and the top of my left arm (quite visible). I've always been really self concious of them, because not only do people demand an explanation (things I really don't want to remember at all) but I know a lot of guys are completely put off, and brand a girl 'psycho' if they're there. I'm worried that he'll tell all his friends, or will change his mind about me.
So I want know, guys (or girls I guess)- would you dump your partner if you found out s/he used to self harm?
OPINIONS WOULD BE GREAT!
- Yeah, I couldn't date someone like that...Vote A
- No it wouldn't be a problem at all!Vote B
- Depends if they're still self-harming or not?Vote C
Most Helpful Guy
Well, I have my own. Major Depression, Recurrent, Severe + teen angst + drug addiction = a feeling most people will never know. Coming down off cocaine is like "Well, I may as well cut my throat if I can't get more coke." I haven't done so as an adult, however. I imagine women look down on male self-harm scars more so than men do for women, in general. Shows weakness. Women are already pretty much considered weak, but men are supposed to be strong. On my left wrist and arm, and on my right thigh. Massive scars. I've found males and females like to attack that spot when they get pissy at me. But, never stopped me from getting girls.
That reminds me, however. There was one girl I was absolutely in love with when I was young. She had a lot of scars. A coworker talked about her "nasty scars". Before I had started doing it. But most people didn't say anything. She was a wonderful person, so no one cared. If you were broody, I think people would attack more.
I would think that might reflect the general population, to some extent? Maybe 1-10% of people would view it as off-putting? Just a shot in the dark guess. He was the only guy who said anything like that. But, when I first saw her, I didn't care at all about the scars. She hypnotized me instantly, regardless. I think if someone really clicks with someone, they won't care about stuff like that.
Most of my gfs have self-harmed. With the exception of maybe 30%. If anything, I would want to help them. At a certain point, a broken person is more of a pain. Especially if you get no return or can't help them enough. But I like broken women for some reason. And I'm probably not a good representation of most males. It sparks sympathy, I think. When someone is wounded: either emotionally or physically, I think most people feel sympathy for them and want to help. Particularly if they're female.
Of course, I know what it's like, so I would feel empathy. But. It's not a good thing. If she was still doing it, I would do everything I could to make her stop. If I could succeed in making her stop, I think I would love her all the more and feel really good about helping her.
The way you tell it, you don't have many scars. You might be able to play it off like they were accidents. A cat scratch, if it wasn't deep; got cut by barbed wire, if it's solid scars. Or something like that. I would recommend it. If possible.
As Tyrion Lannister said, "I have a soft spot in my heart for cripples, bastards, and broken things."0
Most Helpful Girl
If the guy is truly worth your time, he'll understand and accept what you went through. If he dumps you because of your past, that is his problem. You're strong enough to overcome self harming, so you deserve a guy who is strong enough to handle your past.2