Guys, Girls, would you dump your girlfriend/boyfriend if they had self-harm scars?

So I've recently got with this guy I really, really like. He's just really great, however I have a bit of an issue.
i have a few old self-harm scars on my thighs, and the top of my left arm (quite visible). I've always been really self concious of them, because not only do people demand an explanation (things I really don't want to remember at all) but I know a lot of guys are completely put off, and brand a girl 'psycho' if they're there. I'm worried that he'll tell all his friends, or will change his mind about me.
So I want know, guys (or girls I guess)- would you dump your partner if you found out s/he used to self harm?
OPINIONS WOULD BE GREAT!

  • Yeah, I couldn't date someone like that...
    14% (5)9% (2)12% (7)Vote
  • No it wouldn't be a problem at all!
    43% (16)50% (11)46% (27)Vote
  • Depends if they're still self-harming or not?
    43% (16)41% (9)42% (25)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Well, I have my own. Major Depression, Recurrent, Severe + teen angst + drug addiction = a feeling most people will never know. Coming down off cocaine is like "Well, I may as well cut my throat if I can't get more coke." I haven't done so as an adult, however. I imagine women look down on male self-harm scars more so than men do for women, in general. Shows weakness. Women are already pretty much considered weak, but men are supposed to be strong. On my left wrist and arm, and on my right thigh. Massive scars. I've found males and females like to attack that spot when they get pissy at me. But, never stopped me from getting girls.

    That reminds me, however. There was one girl I was absolutely in love with when I was young. She had a lot of scars. A coworker talked about her "nasty scars". Before I had started doing it. But most people didn't say anything. She was a wonderful person, so no one cared. If you were broody, I think people would attack more.

    I would think that might reflect the general population, to some extent? Maybe 1-10% of people would view it as off-putting? Just a shot in the dark guess. He was the only guy who said anything like that. But, when I first saw her, I didn't care at all about the scars. She hypnotized me instantly, regardless. I think if someone really clicks with someone, they won't care about stuff like that.

    Most of my gfs have self-harmed. With the exception of maybe 30%. If anything, I would want to help them. At a certain point, a broken person is more of a pain. Especially if you get no return or can't help them enough. But I like broken women for some reason. And I'm probably not a good representation of most males. It sparks sympathy, I think. When someone is wounded: either emotionally or physically, I think most people feel sympathy for them and want to help. Particularly if they're female.

    Of course, I know what it's like, so I would feel empathy. But. It's not a good thing. If she was still doing it, I would do everything I could to make her stop. If I could succeed in making her stop, I think I would love her all the more and feel really good about helping her.

    The way you tell it, you don't have many scars. You might be able to play it off like they were accidents. A cat scratch, if it wasn't deep; got cut by barbed wire, if it's solid scars. Or something like that. I would recommend it. If possible.

    As Tyrion Lannister said, "I have a soft spot in my heart for cripples, bastards, and broken things."

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    • My experience of coming down coke wasn't that bad.

    • Well then, I must have no idea what I'm talking about as a drug addict since I was 14 years old. How much coke did you do? How many days had you been doing coke? How pure was your coke?

      What does coke feel like?

Most Helpful Girl

  • If the guy is truly worth your time, he'll understand and accept what you went through. If he dumps you because of your past, that is his problem. You're strong enough to overcome self harming, so you deserve a guy who is strong enough to handle your past.

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What Guys Said 10

  • I think you should tell him about it. It'd be worse if he eventually found out on his own. I don't think I'd break up with her but it depends on the circumstances. I'd really want to know though and have an explanation (otherwise I might thing she's still doing that and that'd make me worry about her health and possibly mine if she's unstable). If she had a rough past and made mistakes but has atoned and been able to mature and become stronger as a person since then yeah I'd stay. I wouldn't want her to have to hide them from me for all eternity.

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  • Everyone has a last, holding that against them will only lead to a lonely life.

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  • Even if she still does it I wouldn't leave, probably more reason for me to stay and be there for her

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  • yeah, i would. i doubt the dude will tell his friends, though. but i wouldn't because i know people who cut/self harm and they let's just say i notice a pattern... not that they self harm, but how they act in general. it's not a bad thing all the time, but not 1 i'd be with in the 1st place, especially considering they act and dress pretty emo, which isn't what i'm into. and yes, 1 of them is my really good friend.

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  • Yeah it depends if they still do it. What's in the past is in the past.

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  • no Id feel bad for you and wanna help, when I was young I did the same but on my arms and I would hide it when Id go to school

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  • If they had that issue I'd talk to them to make sure they're not self harming and be sure I'm there for them.

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  • I would if I could help them

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  • Ok so usually a guy won't care
    So nothing to worry 😊

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  • I wouldn't personally, but to be honest, there are men who would. I could give you an idealistic answer that everyone has issues so people will overlook it, but that just isn't true for some.

    Think about who you want to date though. That is part of your past, and no doubt an important one. Why would you want to date someone who would so completely deny part of who you are when there are many who wouldn't?

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What Girls Said 9

  • I was really depressed in the past, so it'd be hypocritical for me to judge someone for self-harming. Also, I had a friend in high school who cut and she definitely wasn't psycho :)

    So if it was a thing from the past, I'd be ok with it and I wouldn't want them to feel shy or ashamed. But I honestly couldn't deal with it as on ongoing issue. I'm only 20 and in trying to build my life; I really can't be responsible for holding someone else's life together (as a friend, sure but not as a partner).

    I do think you should tell him sooner rather than later though. He's gonna be more hurt the longer you wait and if he's the guy for you, he will stick around.

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  • Gonna be the unpopular vote here... I wouldn't want to take on that level of psychological/emotional damage. I'd be glad they overcame it... but I'm not the one for them.

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  • Well you don't have to reveal them to him if you don't want to however I don't think he will run, just be honest and everyone has a past some are more visible than others. I would just hope they aren't currently self harming.

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  • I used to self-harm and I have scars. If my boyfriend had scars too, I'd continue to date him as long as he was willing to get help when he is mentally down.

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  • Of course not, I would try tp help them get through it 😊

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  • I would, because the scars show a time in their life when they were quite vulnerable but now they have recovered from that which means that they are a stronger person than they were before.

    So basically the scars are a sign of growth and strength but that's just my personal opinion.

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  • I would help them to stop

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  • I would help them get better :( leaving them would hurt them more and make it worse

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  • my boyfriend use to i never have but considered it a lot

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