Why do I only attract men who I don't find attractive, at all?

All my life, I've always been the friend that gets the guy none of the girls want. If I like a guy and I go for him, he rejects me. When I'm out with my friend, I'm always getting the overweight, the creep who hits on anyone or just the guy I'm not into. Personality or looks wise. It really has tampered with my self esteem because people say "you are what you attract". Well if that's true, then maybe I'll be single forever. That makes me sad. I just want to know what it's like to be beautiful. I'm tired of feeling like the ugly duckling. Guys barely ever show interest and when a guy does, it's always an old guy, a fat guy or a creep.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Unfortunately the old, ugly fat creeps are in abundance and always looking for something. Maybe you seem approachable and friendly, I'd say you are a nice person and they pick up on that. As for the guy you like not being interested it's very common and no reflection on you. Keep smiling and I'm sure it will work out.

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What Guys Said 23

  • Are you attractive?

    Honestly, are you a physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually attractive woman? To men? If you have doubts, consider reading my opinion here:

    www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1847094-what-do-you-look-for-in-a-girl

    I'm going to share with you something that you may have not picked up on yet. The feminist movement happened. Men, the ones you want and would want you in return, have no idea how to be men anymore. They have no idea how to approach and those that innately 'know' are confused by women who aren't feminine.

    You are not alone in this predicament. But consider this your road to Damascus. You 'can' get ahead of your competition.

    1) Do real research into the lives of women of yesteryear. Figure out what the heck they did right because 'they' got married in droves.

    2) Look at the women who have the success you desire 'today'. Armed with the knowledge of what 'was', look for the parallel of what 'is' successful today. Those are the things you could or should be doing.

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  • Enjoy being single, until you discover that what you really need might not be what you want, and accept it. You might discover that what you want right now might just be about the image of yourself you wish to project, not what you really want. It takes maturity to get there. Good luck.

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  • That's how the world works. It's a chains. It's the exact same thing your crush thinks about you- 'Why do I attract women whom I dont find attractive?'. It's usually a sign of setting higher standards than yourself. It's a mistake probably everyone has done in their life.

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  • ... So are you attractive? Do you have anything to set you apart from all the other loads of women around you?

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    • I think I used to be attractive but I have been called ugly before. I dont know. I think I have a distinct, funny look about myself. I dont think im ugly at all but I'm no bombshell either. I dont have a nice body. i have small boobs and a small ass and my face is average without makeup. I have nice hair... i guess

    • Sounds to me like your just getting a taste of your own medicine, enjoy

    • @TimeSplitters123 i guess... smh

  • you are in possession of very little "girl game"

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  • Asking people out works only if you at least somewhat know that they are at least slightly interested in you.

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  • Imagine how bad they must feel having to ask the ugly girl out. Have some pity for them.

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    • Lol I'm really not ugly but okay. Thanks for your input.

    • All I'm really saying is maybe somethimg is going on that you're not seeing.

  • You're probably not that attractive

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    • Lol well done, i bet she only goes for guys she assumes are better looking and gets turned down flat like she should. She is an ignorant fool.

    • probably... not. i admit that.

    • @TimeSplitters123 i never got turned down flat. what is your beef. go fuck off

  • I don't know why this happened to you!!! Maybe you are going for the guy who is out of your league?

    Or maybe you have too much of high standards? And you yourself dont fit in those standards?

    Like you must be An 7 in looks department and you are going for 9 or 10 ?

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    • I don't go for the best looking. I've actually been with really good looking guys before. I like a certain personality. I am not the best looking and just because someone is facially attractive doesn't mean they are perfect. I look for other things. Attractive doesn't always mean pretty, handsome

  • You sound really shallow. Shallow girls, especially if they're not hot, usually don't get guys.

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    • I'm not shallow. I'm just not going to settle for anything that comes my way

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    • Yes I would. I have before. He was a bit chubby but cute and solid

    • Okay. You're not shallow then! Just been unlucky :) But yeah, try to lose that weight to increase your chances. It's a shallow world out there. I would know since I've never kissed a girl haha

  • Your perceived value is low at the moment.
    Whatever you bring to the table is not evident

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    • Okay, so how do I display my value. Someone told me my value is more internal. How do I appeal to someone so they can want to know more about me :(

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    • That's just to help you come out of your shell a bit. You're not getting into a conversation with everyone. Just giving a friendly hello : )

    • Thanks for you advice. I appreciate it. Happy new year.

  • It's going to be hard to elicit empathy while you are putting others down.

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  • Post a picture and we can tell you if it's a looks thing. If it's not a looks thing, then I know what it is and I'll tell you.

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    • If it's not looks then what is it?

  • Maybe you should lower your standards. Unattractive people usually attracts unattractive people. You could be sleazy looking that's why you attract the older pervs. There's many factors. Do you think a girl who dresses classy would attract these men?

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    • Not lowering my standards.

    • And I never said all of them were ugly. I just don't find them attractive. U don't have to be cute to be attractive. Attraction is more than appearance.

  • how do I look and be completely honest ugly okay hot

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    • This is not that type of post.

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    • Wow. That was easy, eh skeptic?

    • @ArtDent what are you gonna do man women

  • With and attitude like yours you deserve to stay single

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  • Don't worry, I find girls attractive who will probably never find my attractive

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  • for example , what kind of "personality " are you into?

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    • confident, quiet, laid back, creative

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    • Yeah same here. A shitty person, no matter how they look on the outside, will turn me off instantly. U have to have more going for yourself than your looks.

    • Exactly, that's it!

  • Wow. Anyone who bases their self esteem on WHO gets hit on by is the works of a sad individual.

    And that's why I don't approach pretty women!! Or most women for that matter. You all are very strange people...

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    • I was never taught to love myself. I'm learning.

  • do guys' looks and age matter to you?

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    • of course

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    • they dont have to be hot. i just have to find them attract. big diff.

    • then go and approach attractive guys. do not complain attractive guys not approaching you.

  • I have the same problem with girls :( I don't seem to find them HOT :((

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    • I don't need to find my guy HOT, I just wanna find them attractive.

    • that's the same issue with me :(

  • Because you're a woman, and their is no accounting for female attraction.

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  • You're an average person with high standards. You're trying to punch above your weight and it's failing.

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    • Wow... Thanks. I'm crying now.

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    • yeah cause i've gotten ugly over the years. when i was younger, the quality of men were much better... but now i want a man who is 43 and gorgeous.

    • Cool

      ///filler///

What Girls Said 6

  • Ok, I have found this often in the past too. But then again I have also dated ‘above’ myself look wise too and I think that is all down to confidence.
    The fact is, less ‘handsome’ men are often prone to hitting on anything and everything that comes their way. Apparently is some genetic thing that they often think they have more of a chance with a woman than they actually do because if they didn’t take risks then they might miss the one time when a girl is actually interested.
    I hate to use numbers but it’s the easiest way so – I put myself anything between a 5 and a 6.5 depending on things like what kind of day im having/if I have make up on/am I wearing a nice dress ect… so when im actually making the effort say, on a night out-im hopefully somewhere around a 6. Sometimes 4’s might hit on me (always feel sorry for guys because they can’t improve themselves with makeup lol) and I start to worry I haven’t fixed myself up enough and lose my confidence…so there’s no way I’m gonna attract ‘my level’ because I look like I’ve lost my confidence and that gives out a ‘keep away’ aura to all but the more desperate of men.
    I would hope to attract fellow 6s or there abouts but if I have a drink in me I’ll happily hit on someone hotter. I’ve dated solid 8’s before. I find the best thing to do is if you have a day where you are feeling particularly good about yourself and you’re on a night out – you be the one to do the approaching. Usually men react quite well to that. If they don’t THEN you might be batting above your league…or simply need to re think your look. Hope this helps.

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  • Well, the old guy, the fat guy and the creep may feel the same way as you. The "creep" might be nervous and shy and liked you so he went out of his comfort zone to talk to you. And turning him down because the first impression and his looks is beneath you is just mean and hurtful. It's not just the hot and confident people who wants a relationship, and some of those gusy you turned down might have been really kind and good men, you just never gave them a chance to show you.

    If you really want to find that special one for you, you'll have to look deeper than looks and the first impression. I give a shitty first impression because I'm really shy and have a hard time looking strangers in the eye. Give them a second chance. It might be worth it. :)

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    • Trust me, If I call a guy a creep, it's because of their behavior. Why would I want to date a creep. A guy that gives a me a predatory stare and pushes up on me in a disrespectful way. So spare me that shy stuff. Creep are not shy, they are predators and yeah maybe the fat guy was shy and liked me but i'm not physically attracted to large men. I dont mind an older man but they are usually married. i guess im just ugly with the insides of a person who wants better. i dunno. I've dated ugly guys before but he had swagger, personality, charm, wit... so i know i am not totally superficial.

  • it's always an old guy, a fat guy or a creep. Same here! haha! NO but its true! ):

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    • Well serves your right, again taste of own medicine this will teach women not to be so judgmental.

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    • Well im on about women complaining about being single, well they are too picky like with looks that kind of thing, it seems to me men are doing this back to the asker so who is she to complain, that is what i meant

    • @TimeSplitters123 Well I am not complain! I ENJOY begin single... I feel more loved. I just ignore weird guys that look like serial killers... these guys are totally creeps that stand by local markets asking every girl out.

  • yeah I am mentally really sick and I attract sick guys.

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  • Ugh I've been in ur shoes lol

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  • I attract stalker and I'm not a stalker. Chill girl.

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