Do guys really prefer an energetic and easygoing girl rather than a prim and proper girl?

I went on many dates and all the guys find me too prim and proper for their liking. Often they would say I am too feminine and would prefer me to be energetic. I find it awkward to always be so carefree all the time. I am just not the type of girl who suddenly bust a move while dancing or anything. It's just not be and I'm just uncomfortable with it. Being prim and proper is me yet guys always shun me. They always say they like non pretentious girl but its not like I'm pretending. It's just me. I'm just not a girl who would allow myself to doze off while in a car or just burp and yawn openly. What should I do?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Prim and proper is sort of a code word for stiff and boring.

    You don't have to be the energetic type but you do have to be stimulative - interesting conversations etc count too! You might be. But here's the thing; People can only see what you show them. If you're being too reserved they can't see anything.
    You might both be missing out but if you're the one holding back it is (mostly) you causing it. Try telling an awkward story or two on the next date. You don't need to break your comfort zone, but try to challenge it a bit. It does wonders and he will tell that you're doing something naughty by your standards and enjoy that.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • You sound like me when I was a teenager and young. Here is my advice to you: kgranada.wordpress.com/.../

    And you need to losen up a little... While this behaviour is most likely instilled at home and at school, being like this will only hurt you in the real world where it's a dog eat dog world and you need to be and put yourself out there if you really want to be successful! No one will notice you if you want to always ride the back seat. Dare to be a little more bold and grab the front seat/ bull by the horns. Stop being afraid to fail, that's life... We can't control everything. I'm telling you this as someone who was also very "proper" as a young girl... Only to realize such behaviour doesn't get you anywhere. You need too grab and go for what you want... Otherwise, prepare to settle. I think you will really find it helpful to read the link I sent you. Subscribe if you'd like ;-)

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What Guys Said 10

  • Guys might think you're too uptight and would be high maintenance in a relationship. I think that might be the image you're projecting, which would be a turn off to a lot of guys.

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  • Date more guys. There are plenty of guys who will be happy with you as you are. Some of those guys may be a bit reserved, like you are. If you find one you like, you may have to bash him over the head with a clue stick.

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  • Don't be stiff, be fun! Be energetic!! GO CRAZY!!!

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    • I am crazy... just not in actions.

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    • Hmm strange. I date feminine women, not tomboys, that's just me tho

    • The guys are just... crazy

  • As @slatyb said, get out more. Just be who you were meant to be.

    Case in point, in my mid-20's I thought that you "should" go out to clubs / bars and have a good time. The day after I would be really drained (I'm an introvert). Now I do what I like.

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  • Men don't like too much of either. A good mix between prim and proper and energetic and easygoing. That's the ideal.

    An energetic easygoing spontaneus idiot usually turns into a huge problem sooner or later, while a prim and proper woman will suffocate and drain the life force out of her partner.

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  • it sounds like you have a nicety problem, look there's nothing wrong with a nice girl but we also want that other side of the girl
    the freak, the slut, the whore, the bitch, the cocksucker you get the point, we dont want a girl saving up for a marriage that won't last,

    bdsmcafe.com/.../bdsm-submissive.jpg

    you gotta release you're inner freak

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    • I do have an inner slut... just not for guys who pick on me for how I seat...

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    • It was just a first date and dinner date. Had a normal conversation of getting to know each other.

    • you need to tell the person what you want on a first date, very explicitly be very upfront no guess work so he doesn't waste his time and you don't either

      im an upfront guy
      ill tell them hey im not looking for a relationship, im looking to fuck, be friends, hangout from time to time, and discuss topics that are very important too me god, society, rape, etc some of them like it some of them don't than we go on our merry way

  • As long as you're spontaneous and being comfortable in your own skin you are likable. But if you act cold ehhh it's a turn off.

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  • I prefer energetic and easygoing - but still classy, and ladylike

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  • If your a proper girl do the proper thing and look for a proper guy that will bask in pretentious properness with you.

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  • Loosen up a little , try being easy going if you can, you don't need to be crazy, just more lively I guess is what they mean

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    • I'm easy going but that don't mean I would just sprawl on the floor or anything...

    • Yeah i wouldn't expect you to do that either, I guess maybe your not as lively as what they want, you'll probably find someone like you

    • Maybe thanks :)

What Girls Said 10

  • You shouldn't change you, just maybe how you portray you.
    So something I think works for attracting all genders is to show your passion, or get excited about something, in a conversation if you start getting excited about what you talk about, you know like faster talking, maybe some hand gestures, lots of smiling, wide eyes, then that's appealing to the other person because it shows your passionate about something, which is very attractive, a trait that most people really want in a partner

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  • be more descending about guys you ask out. or if you dont ask guys out. start. you're leaving it up to them t choose you,. so of course you don't end up with anyone you want. choose who you want instead of hoping the right guy pops up:) guys tend to approach based on physical attraction you can approach based on more than that.

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    • I am not a picky person. They just always find me too uptight or something. It's as if they prefer tomboys.

  • I would say yes, even if it's just because they're more approachable. Being " prim and proper" it's not something that's valued today

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    • They all find me not boyish enough which I find don't make sense. You want boyish... date a guy.

  • Yes I perfer a happy go lucky girl!

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  • Who cares, be yourself. You'll find someone who loves how 'prim and proper' you are. I don't think a question like this can be answered given every guys is different.

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  • you'll find a guy who likes you for you and thats fine. i don't think all guys want easygoing and energetic girls.
    by the way have you seriously never yawned in front of your friends

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    • Nope... I just don't

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    • I hope I meet one soon... :)

    • fingers crossed

  • My brother likes girls who are well mannered and classy, smart, devoted, but are also fun loving, adventurous/spontaneous that like do knew things, do activities, and whatnot

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  • The guys you are dating then aren't for you! You can't help who you are!

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  • It's good to be prim and proper, but what they mean is you need to enjoy life. I'd you always stay in bounded you won't be exploring so much there is to. Have some fun! Guys like girls who have fun!

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  • its one ofthose things that are only fun at first

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