My boyfriend is 45, am 29 i want to have akid and he also wants to have a kid but he is not proposing and i dont want to push him! What should i do?
Most Helpful Guy
Having a child 'should' be a lifelong commitment. Again, the keywords: "Lifelong" "commitment."
If either partner of a couple 'cannot' in good faith commit to each other for life, they are a poor choice for having children with. Because anyone who says they want children, but doesn't want to commit, has 'no' commitment to those children. It doesn't mean they won't be attached, but the children's best interest is not at heart. People who "stay together for the children" and ultimately divorce or go their separate ways in the end still subject their children to a broken marriage. It never "just happens."
There is something wrong with your relationship. I would not recommend having children with this man at this time. For whatever reason, he has no faith in your relationship's permanence. It 'will' play out.
In no uncertain terms, you need to explain that you need a lifelong commitment from him in order to make a lifelong commitment to his children. In return, because of your own lifelong commitment to his children, you are making a lifelong commitment to him. That means you actually have to make your relationship work.
If he tries to back-pedal or in any way deflect, 'then' and 'only then' ask him to explain his emotional decision to refuse marriage. What fears are pushing him away? Don't open with this and presume to have a deeper understand of him than he does, communicate.
Explain that you need him to make a rational decision to marry you, not an emotional one. That you need him to decide that you and your children together are a good choice for lifelong commitment. That he sees and knows you will remain loyal to each other, work together, love one another, communicate and compromise to make a marriage work. That you both are the type to refuse to damage your children by not seeking to have the marriage you would want them to have.
If he won't explain his emotional fears, if he decides he won't marry you, or you honestly can't meet the above commitments, then walk...
Walk away for you and your future children. If he chases after you upon losing you, reiterate the above two paragraphs about communicating what his fears are and needing a rational decision. (Now one not made in fear of losing you!)
This is all sound advice. But I'm not going to lie. You may end up hurt and having to start over. But it's nothing compared to the hurt of having a broken family that can go on for generations. Don't settle for less:
Most Helpful Girl
Well as much as some people wouldn't advise it because you really have nothing thats going to make sure he stays or you two together, but thats the same for marriage, just harder with legal papers. If you two love each other and are in for the long haul- don't have plans getting married then have a baby. Make sure you're finically stable, living together also would be ideal.0