I constantly find myself in a position where men want to commit to me but I don't want to commit to them because if a man cannot match or surpass the love I have established for life then I don't want him. Considering them all and what they have said to me, it's like they are drawn to the fact that I am half stripper/half granny. It's like they find a sense of home, safety, comfort, vulnerability, nourishment within my granny side because it's second nature for me to take care of things attentively and they enjoy that. There's something about encompassing a man with experiences he should have felt as a child. Deep down, I think that's what a lot of men need whether they realize it or not; a sense of refuge in a world that can be such a challenging, evil place. Yet they also go crazy for my stripper me because it keeps them on their toes. They seem to like the combination of granny chill serenity with wild, unpredictable intensity. I don't know if this will help but this is why I think men have been ready and willing to commit themselves to me.
But sometimes, a man has been through so much that it doesn't matter how wonderful you are or how much you have to offer: he will commit in his own time... which may be forever. Some men are worth the wait! You must be patient. A lot of the best things are slow. Don't give him an ultimatum or threaten to walk away if he doesn't commit because that will just make you look like an ass and you will have the title by default, not because you earned it.
Whenever they realize on their own that's what they truly want.
There are artificial means like understanding that if they don't they'll lose the woman and they don't want that so they might commit but it isn't real and the relationship can fall apart at the drop of a hat.
What makes a man... Well, a man will finally say the right thing when he decided he will spend the rest of his life with this woman. He will commit the moment he starts thinking more than a couple months ahead - what will you do, whom will be with you.. etc.
The easiest is to have the talk with him. Talk about the future of 5-10 years from now. Your relationship, your finance (very important), your families, your hopes and dream, your plan for the future, your retirement planning, your life plan.. etc. If he wises up, he will think about it, if not then he will evade and call it boring, just enjoy the moment respond.
I have a mental list of priorities: 1. Can she be quiet and relax like I do? 2. Can she cook with me? 3. Is she mildly competitive? 4. Will she whoop my ass if I do something stupid? (I want a yes) 5. Will she loyal, standing by me even when the worst of the worst happens?
And less important stuff, nonessential:
6. Is she as clever or smart as me to pose a challenge to me? 7. Does she like kids? 8. Will she support my dreams or push me to be better? 9. How often would she enjoy sex? 10. Is she pretty? 11. Is she asian? (A mild preferred but not really important. What? The Asians I've seen age well.)
And that's about my list. Some might be out of order but whatever.
Heh. You can't change a man. Let's start there. Some women think that they have the golden vagina to change a man but that's not how it works. If the guy wants to commit with you he will. He is going to lose you? He can get hotter chicks. Plenty out there lol.
What do you mean by "commit" - what are you really wanting? Some specific gesture, like moving in together, proposing, having kids?
If I'm in love with someone and in a relationship, I want it to last for life. Doesn't everyone, short of the PUA type hunting one-night-stands? Now, there's a question about how much I would be prepared to sacrifice to keep the relationship alive if I had to: would I pass up a promotion that involved moving, for example? Maybe not, for someone I'd just met and didn't yet feel strongly attached to.
The update looks very much like an ultimatum to me: "commit or I quit" - which is surely the very opposite of commitment from you, that if you don't get your way, you'll just pull the plug rather than work to fix it?
So: how committed do you think he is to the relationship, and why - and just as importantly, how committed are YOU?
I don't know about other men on here but I'll tell you what makes me want to commit. If a girl doesn't cling to me. If a girl is independent and confident.
-If a girl knows her role as a female in the relationship and let's me be the man. -If the girl makes me into a better man when I'm with her.. if she makes me constantly strive to be a better person. -If she doesn't play mind games. -If she is clear in her goals in life -If she takes care of herself and makes an effort to make herself look pretty for me all the time.
If I'm satisfied with myself and have first achieved my own dreams. I would commit wholeheartedly and focus on my partner. I should not have any self doubts. Well, that's as far as I am concerned. As to my partner. I really haven't given it much thought. But I'd like it for her to have achieved her goals and dreams. I doubt any guy or girl worth their salt would want to commit half assedly.
If he doesn't want to, then he thinks he can get something better. You have to make him realize you are that something better, whether it be through sex, affection, physical attraction, or compatibility, you have to make him think you're the best he's gonna get.
A man will commit fully when he feels they are with the right person. Of course if you're younger you won't commit as much or as early on due to being young and not sure where it'll go. But as you get older and know you want it to be serious long term the guy will commit. And obviously it's different for everyone how long it takes for them to want to commit . As for your guy not committing to you, do you know if he has committed with someone before and it ended and it hurt him? As this may be a reason why he isn't committing to you as he doesn't want the same thing to happen again to him.
If I had to guess, I would say when he finds a girl he is compatible with, can connect with, trust, and someone he can realistically envision a future with. Those are just a few of the important things involved when it comes to long-term commitment, if someone is looking for more than just casual dates. The guy also has to be in a stage of his life where he feels stable and ready to settle down. When this happens varies a lot depending on the guy.
Look my dear, our magazines and culture these days tell women to do anything to keep men, as if they are the prize we should bend over backwards to keep. Men and women should both be valueable to each other and if they like each other they will work to keep each other. This idea that men will run and therefore women should work hard to keep them, it encourages men to be as irresponsible as possible.
Women all over, if your guy is not treating you with the love, respect, care and comittment you are giving him, leave him. You don't have to bend over backwards to keep a guy and make him commit. The guy who has to, will. I say the same to guys who are putting up with friendzoning and being taken advantage of with nothing in return.
If I felt like I'd lose a girl if I didn't commit, I'd let her go. If she cares about the relationship that little that she'd just break up with me for not giving her a fancy ring, she can sod off and I'll find someone else. He has to realise it on his own. If you try to force him to commit, you're likely to lose him.
Of course, you know him better than anyone else here so only you can make that judgement, but that's my two pence.
You know I have never, had that situation before because most of the guys I was with were not really good people or they were strange. I would love to find someone someday but I have to kiss a lot of frogs to get there.
It's hard to say as we know nothing abiut this particular man you are talking about.
Wth the assumption of him not being a commitment phobe, focus on how to be a woman that men would committ to by increasing your value. Not suggesting you are not one at the moment. Just saying the mind set adds pressure to you and him.
Just be yourself, fun and supportive yet not to let him take advantage to you. Men commit to a women cos he sees his life better wth her. They don't commit cos of ultimatum or threats.
Let him be. If you love him, let him go and live his life While you live yours.
I think the same thing tat a woman that she is totally secure she wants to spend her life with person and that she loves that person.