I've been talking to this guy and he has told me that he had an abusive childhood and he doesn't have a very good relationship with his mom or his dad, they never send him anything for Christmas, he never sees them, etc.
Is it a bad idea to get involved with someone who has this kind of background? I grew up in a stable environment and my parents are still married and love each other. I feel like I definitely would not be able to relate to someone who had a hard time growing up.
Most Helpful Guy
In a general sense, yes, absolutely. It's a bad idea.
Now here's the reality check. Everyone, no matter what they say or think, is broken in some way. You as well. In what way (s) and to what degree is on an individual basis. It is entirely possible to have negligible amounts of damage, but tangling with an individual who 'is' broken can definitely break you.
Childhood is a huge area of development and the most fragile time period. While children from broken homes are able to cope, understand that what that coping actually produces is marginally functional adults.
I like to reference the original book: The Wonderful Wizard of Oz. In the book, the Emerald City isn't emerald. Everyone in the city is required by decree to have a set of emerald-colored glasses "so no one is blinded by it's brilliance." The glasses are locked in place and the citizens and visitors have no idea what their world actually looks like. They think their world is emerald; normal.
As soon as you understand that you're wearing "emerald glasses," then you have the ability to understand how they got there and how you can take them off. 'He' cannot do this for you. 'He' has to do this for himself.
I'm going to say this as carefully as I can... 'If' he cannot tell you and name whatever mental health struggles he has from childhood and how he has worked on them: Walk away.
Do not validate him or try and rescue him, attempting to would mean you have some issues with codependency (like me) and you're in for a horrific time.
Understand that I am someone who gave his life to Jesus and is all about sharing grace with every living soul on earth. But I'm telling you to knowingly get into a romantic relationship with someone who is broken is in no way healthy. You need boundaries.
If you feel you cannot ask him directly about mental health, and waffling about isn't good enough here, your instincts are trying to tell you something. Now is the time to leave before you're in too deep.
There are other men out there. And if you have an Ewok with the caption "thug life" for your avatar, you will have no trouble landing another. The force is strong with you for even verbalizing your concerns and seeking wisdom.
Good luck and Godspeed!1
Most Helpful Girl
Hmmmm... very good question. :) I've grown up in the same type of home, and have wondered the same thing (it's almost impossible to find non-divorced families, obviously:() It's really very hard to know what's best. You'll have to take signs you're given and piece together how he lives his life & how he treats you. Both my parents grew up in pretty bad homes, but they have matured and are now amazing people, so good things can happen. But it's so often the case that the person we love isn't able to handle their pain properly and either destroys themselves or you. I think time and other's opinions are needed. When you feel ready, definitely start asking what family/friends (yours and his) think - they can protect and guide you. But I really do wish you the best - this is such hard and scary waters & I know you just want to love him the best you can. Best wishes! :)0