Was it FWB or is there more?

Last night I was talking to the guy that I've been seeing for a while now. It's been pretty low key between us for about half a year... with sleep overs and hanging out, seemingly the typical FWB scenario but deeper than that somewhere in there. In his words "there's definitely chemistry and I feel the connection, but I just can commit right now".

Well, I finally got the balls to say something to him last night as we started kissing. It's been bothering me, so I pulled back and let him know that it wasn't because I wasn't into it... but the fact is that I'm pretty into him and that I felt like he wasn't so much into me as he was into sleeping with me.

I explained that I didn't expect some huge decision, but I would like to know what I am to him? That I realized it was my fault for letting it get to this point as well, but I care about him and our friendship or whatever it may be.

To this he said he agreed we should stop having sex for a while. He said he didn't want me feeling badly about it or causing any confusion. But he was specific about the "for a while"... so I asked if there was something he meant to be after the "for a while" period...

He said only that he didn't want to have a time line, and just to be. That he enjoys being with me and having fun and that I make him smile. I never got an answer for what exactly he feels toward me or what "for a while" means to him.

He still held me closely all night and kissed me like normal. I don't know what to make of it. I am confident that we are fine, but I would like to be more confident in what to expect or what I should do in order to see if anything would happen between us further.

What do you think? Any suggestions?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • You did the right thing and now only time will tell where this is headed. I was seeing a guy for a year and I did the same thing, and he was vague too. It did not end up going anywhere and I shut down contact with him. He was fine with the casual deal we had and did not want to say one way or another what we were. He wouldn't call us FWB but he did say he did not know me well enough for a relationship (after a year, please). He just wanted to keep me on the hook. I don't even fault him. After all it is up to us to look out for our own best interest, and not leave it up to the guy to do it. I shut down contact with him because I told him I was going to start dating, that I was ready for a relationship, and he did not really have anything to say to that but kept calling me and then adding in sexual texts here and there as well. He obviously wasn't respecting me and that p*ssed me off.

    So, yes, keep sex out of it, but if that turns into not hanging out and not going out (you should be going out and dating) as well as no sex, that is not a good sign. Be aware that the temptation on both of your parts to have sex will be there is you are still making out. Good Luck!

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    • Thank you for your comments... On your last note there, do you think that I should be concerned if the "being friends" ends up with not "closeness" at all? ie: kisses, hugs, and the bare norm of what we've been used to excluding sex...

    • From my experience if a guy is in to you, there is no such thing as not being ready for a relationship. So, all I have ever seen in this type of situation is a guy who just stays in this funky no-man land with you and it never ramps up to a powerful love. I think you may be in for an odd experience with whatever is going to happen just because you won't have any idea what to expect. I bet he will be trying to have affection and sex and keep things the way they are without going further.

    • Not trying to bum you out, just never seen it go well, so if you do end up with a good experience I hope you share it.

What Guys Said 5

  • Nothing's going to happen with his lassaiz faire attitude.

    As my mother used to say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free."

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  • just have fun with him even though you are holding off on the sex don't stop showing him how sexy you can be a man likes a women he can show off like a trophy... if you dress sexy and look sexy when you go out with him in public he is going to notice all of the other men looking and its going to make him realize how lucky he is that he gets to be with u. that's just one way to hang on to him

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  • He gave you an answer to your question, but like most girls you look farther than you need to and you tend to look past hte answer. He digs you and is into you but he isn't ready to say he out load that it is just you forever, which to him is probably what you are asking him to do. He is having fun and so are you so in his eyes why press for more. ( From me: If it ain't broke don't fix it) as far as the no sex thing he is also saying he cares enough about your feelings and he resepcts you enough to be with you with out it (and for most guys to go from getting it to not is a big thing) As for what is a "while" don't worry about it life is short enjoy what you have, if you stress about the time part then you miss it as it passes you by.

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  • i think that he is very into you and he really cares about u.. any guy who is just with a girl for sex would not agree to taking a break from sex he sounds like a good man I would hang on to him.

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    • Thank you for your comments... do you happen to have any advice on how best to "hang on to him"? lol I know it may sound stupid, but I'm asking anyway. :)

  • I think you were a f*** buddy. He never ANSWERED your question. He just acted normal, but I don't know.

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What Girls Said 1

  • its a good sign if he still wants 2 hav you in his life even with no sex :) I think he is considering a relationship but 4 his own personal reasons (nothing about u) he doesn't feel ready. but I think he wants you there 4 more than just sex and you are prob top of his list when he does want a relationship. I think he wil move that direction but he wil go very slow. its also a good sign that he respected ur feelings about not having sex insteada pressuring u. and its also good that he reassured you about his feelings.

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