My boyfriend went to a strip club and lied about it?

So the other night my boyfriend went downtown with some of his friends. I recently found out from a girl that she saw him at a strip club. He told me he would never go there. She said she saw him there with some guys friends. Should I break up with him for lying to me and going to a strip club? That's a huge deal, right? Girls, how do I confront him and what should I say?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Going to the strip club isn't the big issue here; lying is.

    Of course, if you create a hostile controlling oppressive environment, then he has no choice but to lie about this and other things as well because, when you get right down to it, people (especially adults) are miserable when they are not free. Such relationships are doomed to be bad and likely fail.

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    • That doesn't have anything to do with this. I'm not hostile. He just knows that I am very uncomfortable when it comes to him going to a stop club. He knows not to. He did anyways. He lied about it. Now what? That's completely uncalled for and disrespectful to me.

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    • That's a good point but not related to the point that I am trying to make. It isn't so much about the strip club as it is about freedom. He should want to not go because he doesn't want to upset you; that's why I don't go coz I don't want to upset my wife. However, if my wife explicitly prohibited me from going, then I would resent her 1) not trusting me and 2) trying to control me and 3) not respecting my freedom to be me - I'm not her pet, after all. Unfortunately, such prohibitions actually encourage the behavior because that is how people rebel when authority figures attempt to restrict personal freedoms. This may be what is happening with your boyfriend.

      I would consider dumping him anyway because he lied and violated your trust. That is unacceptable. Of course, it is also good not to ask questions or initiate prohibitions which will incite lying. Old adage: " Ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lies."

    • Also, try to not take it personally. Your man is mentally fucking every other female he sees including your sisters or mother or your BFF. So, take heed from The Old Italian Housewive's Proverb: "It doesn't matter where your husband gets his appetite as long as he eats at home."

      Again, though, the best way to lose control of a situation is to attempt to control it. If you don't try to control upur boyfriend, he'll stop going to strip clubs anyway because 1) they become boring fadt and 2) they cost too much money.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Yikes. I wouldn't go so far as to say break up with him right from the get-go, but definitely confront him with it.

    Ask him what he did when he hung out with his friends. If he lies about it, then tell him you know he was there and that you don't appreciate the dishonesty. That you would've been okay with it if he hadn't tried to hide it from you.

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    • He knows that I'm not okay with it though. We've talked about it before.

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    • Thank you so much. I'm going to talk to him tomorrow. I just want this to work, but I really need him to know that I'm not going to be lied to again. Should I tell him that I no longer trust him and that he needs to gain it back or is that going too far? Also, I don't want to interrogate him. But I want to know if he's lied to me in the past about anything like this. I want a completely open/honest conversation but I'm not so sure how to ask him without sounding like I'm interrogating him, if that makes any sense? I just don't want him to think the relationship needs to end just because of this incident, but I do need to know if there's anything else he needs to tell me.

    • no problem, happy to help!
      &yes, no wrong in telling him that you lost a lot of trust in him. That trust is something that, once lost, can't be brought back so easily or quickly so he has to understand that you'll be hurt and perhaps a bit more doubtful of there being full validity to his words for a while. Until he earns the majority of your trust back.

      You can then tell him that you don't want the relationship to end, but that you can only see it working out if he's willing in to put in the effort to prove to you that he's forreal wanting to stay on good terms, or something like that. To make sure he knows he's not getting away with just a slap on the wrist.

What Guys Said 17

  • if this is the first time honesty has been an issue, i don't think you break up with him for going to a strip club. i think you confront him and ask him why he lied. you explain to him that dishonesty is a deal breaker in a relationship and if honest is going to be an issue that we should end it right now

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  • Chances are if he went to the strip club he let a stripper ride on his lap and most likely got a blowjob from her. Do as you wish this information.

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  • Well sometimes it could happen that he must have been dragged by his friends to the club?

    Maybe he just went there and did nothing!

    I would day Give him a last warning and ask him why he lied and give him one chance... If he does it again then leave him...

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  • This is the choice you have - you can either show him with your actions that you are someone he can trust and not have to hide anything from, or you can show him that you're someone whose up tight and judgmental and will hold grudges for petty shit that doesn't matter.

    In other words, forgive him, tell him you've already forgive him, and move on and never mention this ever again... or "confront" him and sow the seeds to the inevitable end to your relationship.

    Your choice.

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  • Well going to the strip club isn't a big deal, but lying is. I dont think its a dealbreaker but it does raise question marks as to how trustworthy he is. You should probably just be straight up with him and tell him what you think.

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  • The thing is. If your going to be so strict about him going to a strip club. You better believe that forbidden fruit will taste sweeter.

    Maybe don't be so unreasonable and he wouldn't have to lie. Either way, no its not a reason to break up, unless he's getting lap dances and touching women there. But its defiantly a reason to go back to the drawing board and maybe find a better solution.

    Ultimatums like your not allowed going or else, doesn't work well especially at your age.

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  • What was your friend doing there, working? Did she see him doing anything wrong? Women have an unjustified view of Go-GO bars and the dancers. FYI, all my female friends are dancers.

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    • They could have started out the night doing what he said, but it was boring/feel through and they went there.

  • Of course he lied, because he knew you would make a big deal out of it, when going to strip club is really nothing.

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  • Yes, you should take that girl's word as 100% truth and brake up with your boyfriend, because it is impossible and unthinkable that she lied or made a mistake and saw someone who looked like him.

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  • If you really like him I think you should explain to him that he cannot lie to you again and keep dating. What he did is bad but I don't think it's worth dumping someone you really like over it

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  • IMNSHO, going to a strip club is not the issue. The issue is the lying about it.

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  • It's not a huge deal, the lying is. You two need to have an adult conversation about expectations and boundaries.

    Some women feel it cheats them which is silly. If you're not his stripper then he's likely to find it elsewhere.

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  • you shouldda went with him.

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  • How trustworthy is your source?

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  • If he went there and did not do anything with anyone, then you are over reacting.

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  • I he lies dump him but give him three changes and

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  • a lot of guys go to strip clubs at one point or another. unless he is going there all the time I don't see it being a big deal. as to why he said he'd never go there I don't really know why. there are some bars out there people go to but don't want to admit they did

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What Girls Said 2

  • Uhhh yeah that would be a huge deal, at least for me. First, I would confront him on the fact that he lied to you, then you should bring up that you are his girlfriend. If you think you can forget about it and move on, then you don't need to break up, but honestly I don't think I could forget and move on, so don't feel bad if you need to...

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  • If I were you I'd break up with him, but that's just me.

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