Should I tell my boyfriend I cheated on him or should I live with the guilt?

My amazing boyfriend and I have been dating for almost two months now. However he went home (across the other side of the country) for the holidays. He was gone for 16 days. While I went back home for the holidays I hooked up with a boy that I've had a thing with for the past 3 years. He was my grad date and one of my very good friends. We also have serious chemistry. Before me and my boyfriend started dating I knew me and the other guy would hook up. It wasn't planned, but was bound to happen. Turns out the sex was horrible because we were both so drunk. After that night I now know that I truly do love my boyfriend. And he's the one I want to be with forever. My boyfriend tells me he's so in love with me and I really wish I hadn't cheated on him. Do I tell him or keep it a secret because the hookup didn't mean anything. I've learned my lesson to not do it again, but I also think it has made me realize that I do love my boyfriend and nobody else.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Live with the guilt. Telling him will only hurt him and even if he doesn't break up with you will poison your relationship forever. Saying " the hookup didn't mean anything" really just makes it sound worse. It makes it sound like it takes nothing at all to make you cheat.

    Anyone telling you to tell him, is just wanting to see you suffer for what you did, and is not thinking about what is best for either you, or your boyfriend. Sometimes ignorance really is bliss. These people telling you to tell him because "you will never feel right if you don't" are full of shit. First of all they don't really care about how you feel. Secondly hurting your boyfriend so that you can get over your quilt would be an extremely selfish thing to do. Right now you need to stop thinking about yourself, and think about what is best for your boyfriend. Do not tell him because it will only hurt him when there is no reason to hurt him other than your own selfish desires to get over your guilt.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I won't be all judge mental like the rest of these people. Cheating is bad, nothing does justify it. Let me tell you a quick story... How you interpret it is up to you. So... I cheated on my boyfriend once. I was confused I didn't know if I loved him or not since I've never been in love or so intimate with someone. I hooked up with this guy. Then I realized something... The grass isn't always greener on the other side. I knew right there and then that I love my boyfriend and that I wouldn't want to be with anyone else. For a while I kept it to myself... But it was eating me up inside. So I told him. We broke up for a bit... He cried and was upset. But he loved me so much that he gave me another chance. Now... We've been together for two years. I haven't thought about cheating on him or anything. Temptation does cross my path but I have never cheated on him since that time. So I DON'T agree with the saying "Once a Cheater, Always a cheater" that's not always true. Its just an arrogant statement. However, their are people out there that do continue to cheat. Then, that saying is true. People don't understand and will judge you since they haven't been through it. Its better to tell him what happened... Theirs 50% chance he will break up with you but if he loves enough he might want to stay and work it out... That's what relationships are all about.

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    • Lmfao at the guy who down voted me 😂😂😂

What Guys Said 33

  • "the hookup didn't mean anything". then your boyfriend must mean even less if you threw him away over a hookup that meant nothing.

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  • didn't mean a thing? you had another guys penis in you and probably sucked it too , oh it did mean something alright , I don't know what you should do its up to you , I don't know your boyfriend but iam usually really decissive about these kind of things, never get back with a girl who cheats on me , once a cheater always a cheater there is not excuse to cheat and if you let it happen once it will happen again and i dont want to be there when it happens. however iam not your boyfriend so maybe he's different.

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  • That's a tough one, because it's a battle of ethics vs stability. I never dishonesty, and you're still in the wrong for what you did. In this situation if there is no chance that he'll find out I'd say just forget that it ever happened and STAY FAITHFUL FROM NOW ON. In any relationship honesty is the best policy, but you may jeopardise your relationship if you tell him. In the end it's your choice, but I'd just act like it never happened.

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  • Did you have any commitment to a monogamous relationship with your current boyfriend?

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  • He deserves to know and you have the moral obligation to tell him... oh, I'm sorry, why am I talking about morals with a cheater? In all honesty, I hope you end up telling him, he ends up dumping you and no guy dates you again.

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  • which would you prefer.. telling him isn't going to make it better or resolve you of ur guilt but it there is any chance of him loving you as much he says then u should tell him because there is love after cheating. some advice from some one that knows dont tell him the sex was bad because you where drunk say it was bad cause he was smaller and couldnt do it like you do also say u taught of him and had to stop thats when you realize what he means to u secondly be prepared to do what ever it takes to make it right with him and most important lock off all communication with the other guy delete all photos erase all trace first then tell him

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  • I wouldn't tell him now. You should either never tell him (if you can do that) or plan to tell him at a later date (if you get years down the line he'll almost certainly forgive you if things go well since you'll have spent so long together and done so much).

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  • You are just posting this question so you can feel like you have come clean without having come clean.

    Your relationship is now built on a lie. You don't love this boy, let him know.

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    • Oh and if you are able to hide this from him you will lose even more respect for him.

  • Don't bother telling him, he will end up leaving you. Just live with the guilt and promise to heaven that you will not do it again.

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  • Tell him, if he loves you he would want to know, and if you love him you should trust him enough to tell him. Explain that it didn't mean anything, but that's something you need to tell him.

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  • If you cheated he deserves to know. If you don't tell him you're definitely very messed up for that. Or at least do him a favor and just end the relationship.

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  • You really need to tell him, 16 days isn't even that long and you just had to cheat? He needs to know these things, what if he cheated on you while he was away and never told you?

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  • why does it always seem that a girl has to cheat before she realizes she loves the one she is with?

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    • I never cheated and I loved my exes. They cheated on me and gave me the same crap excuse "now I know no truly love you". Ugh.

  • If you learned your lesson, you wouldn't of did that in the first place. And you girls complain about guys cheating. I hope he leaves u

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    • So because this girl cheats, all girls deserve to be cheated on? That's horrible logic.
      Both my exes cheated while I remained faithful, I don't think men deserve to be cheated on because of them.

  • That's an ugly sin, you will break his heart both ways.

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  • You obviously don't love him anywhere near as much as you say. Dump him and go with the guy you slept with. You'll break the poor bastards heart in the future anyway.

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  • Don't tell him. He doesn't want to know.

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    • But he needs to know. How would you feel?

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    • Very true. But some would take it as a rush or something, and be more inclined to cheat because it's something they can get away with and that's what I'd be afraid of. If it truly was 1 drunk time, and it truly meant nothing, and she truly found out she loved me more. Then I guess it would be okay, but there's no way to prove any of that

    • @Ziconic I feel like that's up to her to figure out, and hopefully that's what her conclusion would be.

  • Yeah you should tell him because that is nasty... 16 days and u cheat on him... holly shit

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  • Yes you should tell him.

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  • I would break up with him and not tell him. He deserves better. Don't just think of yourself.

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  • That's seriously slutty. Girls like you are why I stay single.

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  • Tell him, so he can break up with you. You don't deserve him.

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  • As long as you don't do it again I think I would rather not know if it was me. If it was continuing you would have to tell him

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  • Tell your boyfriend, eventually he will find out, sooner or later.

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  • Trust me, dont tell him. He will most likely not forgive you.

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  • Tell him, if you love him you should be completely open with him.

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  • Keep it a secret.

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  • Live with your sectets alone

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  • lol the qualifier at the beginning is fucking hilarious! "My amazing boyfriend"... that you cheated on?

    He couldn't have been that amazing, or he really IS too good for you.

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  • So are you saying that girls cheat too?

    #Whydomencheat

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What Girls Said 25

  • " I knew me and the other guy would hook up" Why would you put yourself in the position to cheat just because you went home? You didn't have to hang out with him- its like you thought this would be a free pass for yourself. It's sad that it took you to make a choice that could break you guys up-- just to realize that you love him? Basically treating your boyfriend like he's second choice in which by your actions seems. I know you're guilty and I usually tell people if theyre only going to tell them to relieve their own guilt then no.. but you've only been dating two months so it's still new I would tell him and let him ultimately make the decision whether or not he wants to stay with you or leave you.

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  • You should tell him you lack the sense of self-restraint most people possess that permits them to remain faithful while in monogamous relationships. Then tries to justify what they did by saying it was 'inevitably going to happen'. Insisting they feel bad for cheating and wishing they hadn't done it when in reality, you only feel this way because sex with the other guy wasn't all that great.

    I'd bet money on your breaking up with your boyfriend if sex with the guy with whom you had 'serious chemistry' had been good, your boyfriend would now be your ex.

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  • You have to tell him. I can't guarantee he will stay with you after this but when someone is giving themselves to you in this way they deserve all the facts. If he were to find out in the future after a longer period of time he will resent you for lying and manipulating him to stay with you by omitting information. If you tell him this and he forgives you, then it is meant to be.

    I can tell you I've been cheated on by my ex. I didn't find out until years later (mind you he cheated on me through the whole relationship with different people so the situation is a little different) I ended it right when I found out because that is disrespecting me and the relationship. I felt stupid to think I cared about someone who did this behind my back and didn't have the courage (balls) to tell me. Hopefully you learn from this to value what you have. I wish you the best and I hope he can forgive you.

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  • I think honesty and communication are the foundation of any relationship. If you have only been together for 2 months it may be better for you to just be honest about it and get it off your chest! Either way I feel for you! Good luck girl!

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  • He deserves to know. Tell him.
    I seriously hate the "after I cheated I finally realized I actually love you" crap. Ughhhhhhhhh.
    Really? It meant nothing to you? So you threw our relationship and trust out the window for nothing?

    Why the fuck do you need to hurt someone to realize you love them?
    You don't. You have skewed vision of love and respect.
    You shouldn't be in a relationship if your selfishness gets the better of you because there are people who want what you have but don't have it.

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    • You deserve to be single and I hope he breaks up with you regardless whether or not you tell him.

  • Tell him, he deserves to know. And if you guys truly love eachother you will get through this. But he really deserves to know. Explain how you feel and how sorry your are

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  • I think you should break up with him and not tell him you cheated. He doesn't deserve to go through the pain of knowing what you did.

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  • He deserves to know.

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  • That was very slutty from you. You should tell him otherwise you will get cheat on him again. You are still not over this guy you have a thing for and you will cheat on him sooner or later again and that will make you look like a total slut. So save yourself from this scandal and tell him.

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  • You have to tell him, best face to face, or over the phone, and you have to tell him as much as you posted, about how you've learned your lesson and how you want to be with him, ask him to forgive you.
    REMEMBER to say that it's okay fir him to be angry, it's okay (even if it's not) for him to want a break for you two. You have to act selflessly because you were selfish before.

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  • So you need to cheat on the guy to know that you love him? You don't seem to know what love, commitment or loyalty truly means, especially since you've already cheated after dating for less than two months. When you truly love someone you'll never want to do anything that'd hurt the person you love because it'll hurt you at least as much. You obviously don't feel this way and frankly seem too immature to even have a relationship. I think you should break up.

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  • Yes, you should. He has a right to know. If you don't, then you should break up with him. I cheated on my last boyfriend and I didn't tell him that I did, but I broke up with him soon after.

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  • O god. Being cheated on feels so horrible and worthless. Feels like you were a stupid all the time for dedicating to a person :(
    Just tell him! Don't make a fool of him by keeping the truth hidden.

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  • Lol you just want your boyfriend because the sex was bad. You would have dumped him if it were good sex. You're a bad dog that's scared and got it's tail between it's legs.

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  • Tell him.

    He'll be dreadfully upset about it, but if he cares a lot about you, he will forgive you. Since it seems you both have a great relationship together. He's not going to forget what you did, so there will be some trust issues, but that's your problem, to build and earn back his trust.

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  • You don't deserve your boyfriend

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  • WHY SHOULD U TELL EM? WHO WILL BENEFIT FRO THAT

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  • I think you deserve to live with the guilt. However... if you don't tell him now, don't tell him ever. Choose wisely.

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  • You should tell him the truth.

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  • You HAVE to tell him. You CHEATED on him, that's serious. If you don't tell him, you are totally ruining his life. Never keep a secret like that to your boyfriend. He will find out anyway, and if he finds out without being you the one who tells him, he will hate you and dump you for sure. If you tell him now, he will surely be really mad at you, but he may be able to forgive you after some time. Just don't ruin this guys life by making him live over a lie.

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  • You should tell him, so he can dump you and find an amazing girl.

    You probably got an std and I hope he marries a real woman

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  • You should tell him. It's only fair.

    Would you want him to tell you if he was you?

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  • You can't live with the guilt. Tell him and he will break up with you. Poor girl but people learn from the mistake

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  • He should know and by the way, that's incredibly cruel!

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  • Congrats on being a cheater. Tell him. He deserves to know you weren't faithful while he was away.

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