Dating A Girl With More Male Friends?

I've been somewhat dating this gal for a few months however we've been really good friends for the past two years or so. I think we're close to taking it to the next level (I'm ready, she isn't) but we're long-distance right now but I am relocating back where she is for school this year hopefully.

My past experience with dating a woman who had more guy friends than girls hasn't been a good one. I dated a girl who talked to a handful of her guy friends and only had a female friend or two that she was close with. I expressed my concern with that girl at the time and she said that I had nothing to worry about any of her friends. Eventually, her and a guy she was friends with ended up dating.

This has scarred me. I know of a few guys the girl I'm seeing now talks to. She has even said that one of the guys has tried to date her and gets romantic-y with her but she has said that she puts a stop to it when he does it. She has also said not to worry about any of the guys she talks to. I believe her but I don't trust the guys she talks to. I don't want to seem insecure or jealous but I want to tell her how I feel so I can get some peace of mind and feel 100% if the time comes for us to take it to the next level.


Most Helpful Girl

  • If you believe her, then you have no reason to think about the guys she's talking to. If you believe her, you'll know that she'll shoot them down if they try. Which is why "I believe her but I don't trust the guys she talks to" doesn't make any sense. Why do you need to trust the guys if you already trust her?


Most Helpful Guy

  • I know its not what you want to hear, but I think you need to hear it.

    1. You are not feeling this way based on nothing, she dates her 'friends' (I call em back up guys), you're going in on the same recruitment program. You're right on to suspect.
    2. This girl isn't yours, you're a million miles away, and you have no right to be jealous.

    However, when, and if this girl says she's yours, you can put voice to your insecurities and feel 100%. But in the meantime you, like many of us, must sit on the maybe couch.

    I know that sucks, but this has happened to basically every deployed guy there is. And me a couple times. It goes the same way, you get a phone call:

    'Well, I was out partying and we ran into Sean, and after the fireball shots and lemon drops one thing lead to another and now i'm pregnant. Don't call me when you get back to town. /click'

    If you have the experience you mentioned you know whats up.

    • I hear you loud and clear.

      I never claimed her to be mine. Would be shitty of me to say that when we're not official. When she mentions she talks to other guys or hangs out with them, I say nothing, even though it bugs me.

      Sorry you had to go through that, brother but I appreciate your advice, especially since you know what's up.


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What Girls Said 2

  • Does she have a masculine personality? The more tomboyish she is, the lower the risk.

    I am basically a boy that God printed in the wrong exterior shell, dude. I have lots and lots of male friends, and I'd want to fuck them about as much as you'd want to fuck yr adoptive sister.

    Highly feminine girls, on the other hand, probably won't hang around a man without some sexual tension, just because otherwise there simply wouldn't be enough common ground.

  • Only thing that should matter is if you trust her. End point.


What Guys Said 5

  • Nope, that is trouble. All those comments they make about them just being friends is bullshit. Nature has it's way of powering through. Males are attracted to females, and vise versus. It is only a matter of time before someone develops feelings. All it takes is one fight between you two and she runs straight into one of their arms. Disaster! Not only that, but it just comes down to the overall opposite sex as friends thing. Just causes too much conflict of interest, insecurities and potential jealousy. Since this is long term you can't be there at all to resecure your presence with the other guys. I feel eventually something will happen between her and one of the guy friends.

  • Man, one of the others posters was right on.
    That circle of friends is like circling sharks. Even if they may not have romantic feelings that physical attraction may be there and may lead to something intentional or not.
    You need to let her know how you feel in person. You need to find out how she feels.
    If it's mutual and something established then escalate. Let her know you aren't falling into this friend zone or where you will fill a certain role is this woman's life. Women like men use each other for certain roles, friend, shoulder to cry on, lover etc.
    Establish your stance. If she feels the same way she should be ready. After all what's holding her back? It's not fair for you to wait...
    Best wishes man.
    Let us know how it goes.

  • I wouldn't want to get emotionally attached to a girl like that. My gut just tells me they're trouble and it won't end will.

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  • Lol. I am not surprised. Just bang this chick on the side as a booty call or friends with benefits. By the way, these are the same chicks that say where have the good men gone.