Help! Should I Confront Him and if so How?

I'm 43 and been talking to this guy who's 44 for 5 months. He told me from the very beginning that he was not wanting a relationship because he's just getting out of a bad 14 year marriage. Well, I was fine with that and we went out on several dates. We became sexually active. In these 5 months I have developed feelings for him and last Tuesday I told him. He told me again that he didn't want a relationship and that he was just looking to make friends and meet new people. The conversation ended okay and I graciously accepted his answer. Later the next day I messaged him and told him that although I would not lie and say I didn't mean what I told him, I was sorry for putting him on the spot. He responded and told me that he was glad I understood and that this was why we could be friends. The very next day he asked me out on a date. I was a little shocked because I figured that since I told him how I felt, we could be friends, texting buddies, etc, but he wouldn't want to see me knowing I had feelings. I agreed to see him thinking he must feel SOMETHING for me even if he wasn't quite ready to admit it to himself yet. We went out and he spent hours cuddling with me and holding me. This was after sex, so I knew it wasn't just a prelude to sex or his way of buttering me up to have sex. I spent the night and the next day he made a comment about how he knew I wanted to be the only girl and that he knew I was jealous of other women. When I left, he told me he would text me and I haven't heard a word from him since, it's been 2 days. I never would have thought he'd do me this way. I don't know if he wanted sex with me one last time after what I told him and he's done or if he's needing space or what. Part of me wants to go to his house and confront him. Another wonders if I should send him a FB message for my own sense of closure. If he is done, it hurts to know that I didn't even deserve the dignity and respect of a goodbye. Please give me some advice. I'm hurting so bad.&a


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What Guys Said 1

  • It's only been 2 days, he feels like your a friends with benefits situation because he explained that to you and thought you understood, he probably will text you when he is ready to hang out again

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    • I guess we shall see. Either way, I think I need to pull away and be done. Emotions are involved for me and I can no longer view him with a casual friends with benefits mindset. Honestly though, I think after what I told him I think he wanted one last romp and now he's done; to move on to the next girl.

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    • Yes, I agree. I had asked him last week if he could ever have feelings for me once he was ready for a relationship. He said that he honestly didn't know because of the distance between us. We only live 40 miles apart which would be nothing if you honestly and genuinely loved and cared about someone.

    • Yeah that's true since you have stayed over , you could still see each other on week ends and talk during the week plus it still gives him space

What Girls Said 2

  • He is feeling guilty and can't continue on with you knowing it is simply going to hurt you. To his credit he didn't lie to you and I know you weren't expecting to develop feelings but you unfortunately have and for someone who isn't going to be able to reciprocate them for you or anyone. It has nothing to do with you he just doesn't have an open heart anymore.

    You just need to move on. If you really think it will help you with closure to message him on FB then great do it whatever but then block him. Don't wait for a response because nothing he can say matters. This issue is dead in the water.

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    • He told me that he felt bad that he wasn't ready for a relationship and that he didn't want to hurt me. What I can't understand is how he could be with me Fri night, cuddle with me, and do all this KNOWING I had feelings and emotions were involved. I know that if someone told me they had feelings and I didn't feel the same, I would back away and I most definitely wouldn't see them again. That's honestly why I agreed to meet him. I figured he most have felt something for me if he wanted to see me, even if he wasn't ready to admit it yet. Before I told him how I felt, I just chalked it up to 2 adults having fun. Now that he knows and did this I feel played, used, and rejected. I'm going to give him a week to see if he texts me then I'm going to send him a FB message, not for him but for my own sense of closure. Thank you for your advice.

  • It sounds like he wanted physical companionship and sex but no feels. I think you def should message him because you DO NOT let someone get away with ghosting you.

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    • I'm not. And that's the thing. We have been so open with one another. We talk about our lives, kids, what we've been through. I honestly and genuinely considered him a friend. That's why I still can't believe he's doing me this way. And even so, I still want to give him the benefit of the doubt. If he doesn't text I'm going to send him a message more for my own closure then holding him accountable, but if he does, I don't even know what to say to him because I'm so hurt that he hasn't contacted me in 2 days. My heart is breaking. I just feel so sad.

    • I think your best bet is to just be super honest and open. His actions have consequences.

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