Why do guys always use me for sex?

I was in a very abusive relationship (sexually, physically and emotionally) for 2 years and I managed to get out 2 years ago, but since then I have been trying to move on, taking a break and concentrating on myself mainly... I have also been trying to date, but unfortunatelly all the guys that I have met have been complete jerks to me and have always been out on dates with me hoping to get laid... Now, I have a really high sex drive as a woman, I dress quite sexy and provocative, I am a quite socail person and I have massive breasts for my tiny frame and a lot of guys find me hot... although i am quite sweet and innocent and always believe in whatever bullshit... So, I always end up going on a date with some pretty handsome guy, he would take me out for dinner or drinks to a nice place and if I find him attractive i might end up sleeping with him... Now, I know its wrong of me to have sex on the first date, but none of the guys have stayed and they all seem to just get laid with me and then disappear... I know I make myself an easy target for them, but why none of them ever came back? Of course, some of them came back for more sex and always say how amazing I am in bed and that they want more sex, but they all come back for the wrong reasons... I am only 22 and I am embarssed to admit that I have had only one relationship in my life and slept with 20 guys... and only 1 out of the 20 guys wanted to date me... and thats my psycho ex boyfriend... It makes me increibly sad and sometimes I feel like there's something wrong with me... but even if i dont sleep with them they would still ask for sex and they would still disappear, so even if I tone it down a little bit, i would still get the same jerks and the same responses...


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I find that in many situations like yours, it is the girl who chooses to accept men that are abusive. This is not a blame game. Abusive men exist everywhere, and so do caring nurturing men. The difference is that you probably only find the abusive ones attractive. Perhaps because you see their arrogance and outgoingness as confidence, while a nurturing male is more passive and you overlook them or don't even notice them at all.

    If you have a high sex drive, and dress sexy and provocative, you're unlikely to attract a nurturing guy because he's probably not going to be at parties and clubs where you hang out. If the "good" guys are there, they are probably going to be the quiet ones along the side, rather than the loud obnoxious dude in the middle of the room that's grinding all the girls and hitting on every woman that passes by.

    It is these obnoxious men that are going to hit on you all the time, because quite frankly, they're there to lure a woman for sex. Nothing more. The problem is, there's a lot of girls who take the bait and it results in a dead-end relationship where the girls is nothing more than a sperm receptacle until the guy finds a younger, hotter girl or when he feels bored with you.

    The sexy provocatively dressed girl (you) is not the type of girl we men want to settle down with and bring home to meet our parents. And at your youthful age, guys who are of similar age are looking more for sex, and less for a meaningful relationship.

    If you want to find someone decent, I'd say avoid the clubs, bars, snapchat, plenty of fish, tinder... etc. You may find a good guy there, but you'll probably have to sleep with another 100 douchebags to find that one decent person.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • It's because you let them do that to you. Girl, your body is a precious jewel, and it is bound to be sacred. A jewel is found deep under the ground and only the right and patient person who really wants to be with you will dig deep enough just to get you.
    But see this, if something is above the ground, easy to see, easy to get, it'll be easy to lose, too. Why not, says the guys, I didn't lose anything to get it.

    I know you're feeling lonely, but always remember that in the end, you'll have to back yourself up, and you'll realize that the only person you need is yourself.

    Now pick up the pieces, honey, and get up. The world awaits your best version.

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What Guys Said 11

  • A majority of it probably has to do with the fact that those guys went out with the intention of having sex that night and therefore usually try to get the hottest and or easiest target that they find that night (I personally dislike it, but it is what happens). It is unlikely that there is something wrong with you. None of them come back because they got what they came for and left. Why none of them would come back I do not know, but it could be they lost interest. Most guys are jerks or horn dogs, but not all. Hope you find someone soon!

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    • Thank you very much, well most of the guys I meet in night clubs, cocktail bars, casinos and dating websites and i think you are absolutely right when you mentioned that they just go with the intentions to get laid... where can I find a nice and respectable man who would want to date me not just use me?

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    • yes but I have always thought that guys an easy time dealing with their emotions and they always prefer friends with benefits over a relationship... my current one seems to be pretty cool about it :)

    • Haha well guys deal with thei emotions in a different way and not all of them have an easy time with them. Some guys prefer friends with benefits and others want a real relationship so it all depends on the guy.

  • Women use me for sex.. it's disgusting..

    cf.girlsaskguys.com/.../...2-a692-4d3300a34eb5.jpg

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  • You have to set boundaries in order to weed out people who are only into you for sex.

    are there any men in your social circle you can like?

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    • Well of course there are some men that I like, but they really want to get laid and always stare at my boobs when I am talking or try to flirt with me... Like, I want to date so badly and I don't understand if i am that great in bed, if i look that great then why wouldn't want any guy to date me? They just want sex and hoping to get more and once i set my boundaries, then they disappear... the problem is, even if i don't sleep with them, they would still try on and try to use me for the wrong reasons... Maybe, i should dress ore conservatively and stop having sex... but then i would be extremely unhappy :/

    • you need to stop having sex with these idiots PERIOD. that's all they want. they go from girl to girl. You're a conquest and you're being used. dont do it. Im lucky im a virgin b/c thats stopped me from having sex with all the jerks i meet. Because these evil pitiful worthless men will do ANYTHING to manipulate you.. they'll get u RIGHT there with their dick over you.. my big excuse is.. nope im a virgin. if i wasn't one who knows maybe i'd say sure. watch train wreck with amy schumer- she just gives in guy to guy. DONT DO IT.

    • also there are std's, its dangerous and stupid. You can have sex with a guy every few months but not with all of them. these guys will act like they like you, some are charming- never have sex with them.. not even one. seriously. These guys are worthless.. and they treat you the same way... theyre shitty people...

  • hun can I ask you a question what do you have to offer us men besides sex, and the emotional luggage you carry around

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    • What emotional luggage? Shoulnt i be the one asking the question what can a man provide for me?

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    • @tyber1 confident funny and financially secure? that's bringing something to the table. No.
      that is stupid.. and people dont bring anything to anything.

    • @alisenn9922
      lol girl I can have any women I want and don't worry you won't understand

  • Maybe you should try looking somewhere else for a partner because the places you're going clearly aren't helping and you must be getting frustrated and it would be a little upsetting..

    But I think if you dress a little less provocatively and look for guys in a different place and make sure they know you're worth keeping on the first date without having sex with them.

    You're a good looking girl and you sound pretty perceptive so just save yourself a little because having sex with someone because you feel insecure and also just want sex will get depressing for you

    Buy yourself a vibrator and stop sleeping with guys on the first date.
    You need to regain your composure and your self esteem

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  • Let them disappear. The best thing you can do is wait until a guy is at least somewhat committed before you have sex. That way you know for sure that he wants more than just sex. If that means that a lot of guys walk away, so be it. If that means you get less intercourse, so be it. That will filter out the ones who have no willingness to commit, and any disadvantages are still way better than being used. Basically it's "abstinence until emotional commitment."

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  • Have sex after a few dates instead of on the first.

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    • thats a good point, but they would disappear anyway...

    • If you make them work for it they might come back they might not. if you work them hard enough they might learn your a person. not a sex object. Ok, you don't have to take my advice but just try it once or twice.

    • these guys would disappear- theyre looking to use women- so they'll hang around just to use the person and if they dont get sex, they'll leave or if they do

  • It's the type you attract/are attracted too.

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  • That's sad to hear, hopefully your luck turns around

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  • They use you for sex because you let them

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  • my guess is that you're going out with attractive young guys who have no interest in settling down with anyone, period. There's nothing you can do to get a guy who is successfully playing the field to stop doing so unless he's had enough.

    You need to be really really clear with anyone you date that you're looking for a relationship. If they're not then move on.

    Don't have sex till you're ready to be a monogamous couple. That can be the day you meet - being a couple isn't a BIG commitment it's just a recognition that what's happening.

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What Girls Said 1

  • You answered your own question.
    You said you sleep with guys on the first date, etc.

    Start respecting yourself and others will respect you.
    It's gonna be a slow ass grueling process but if you wanna be happy Thats what its gonna take.

    Otherwise live a life of being used.

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    • i completely disagree, i don't think sleeping with someone on a first date means that you would get used as my relationship started even after we slept on the first date... I think its about the person you go on a date with... Once a jerk, always a jerk...

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    • If you think you can handle that sure.
      Sex isn't a bad thing. I ain't trying to say that. But if you want a partner thats gonna respect you, sex the first go around *probably* won't get you there.
      If your looking just for sex, have all the SAFE sex you want.

      A friend with benefits may very well be a goos medium. Someone who respects you *friend* but also there to soothe your appetite*benefit*

      Or if your lucky and patient you'll find both respect and sex within a boyfriend/hubby

    • I think I will continue my friends with benefits with that guy from university and I will continue going on dates looking for a potential partner and of course without initiating sex and would wait at least a month because you are right, that sleeping with someone on a first date will certainly not get me a partner...

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