Why do so many men, after having their hearts broken/being hurt by a woman, take it out on every other woman that comes along after?

I notice this a lot, even in the opinions of guys on here justifying treating women like shit, or using women, then using the excuse because I used to be a " nice guy" and a woman hurt me, now I use or hurt any woman who comes along.

I mean, when a man breaks a woman's heart, some women go a little nuts after and take it out on that one guy, then move on. but men rarely take it out on the one woman who actually hurt them, instead they spend YEARS taking it out on several other women who've done nothing to them. what's that all about?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Because those guys have never gotten closure.

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    • do you think it takes most men longer to get closure than women?

    • It might. It depends on the guy and how he needs closure. For me I need closure by taking it out on the girl to make her feel as bad as I feel but I never do because I know that's not right and even though she hurt me, I don't want to hurt her like she did to me. So never getting direct closure it takes me years to try to find a sense of closure. It kind of eats away at me while I try to get past it.

What Guys Said 23

  • because they're bitches

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  • I think women do that shit too, you can't say they don't just because you don't. I've seen a lot of them bed somebody else the week after breaking up with their boyfriend then ditch the guy once he's served his purpose of propping up her self esteem and reassuring her she's still desirable.

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    • I literally just had this happen a week ago. Brought her self esteem up, and she went from texting me all day 24/7 to never replying and barely communicating with me, but still obviously posting on Facebook and doing other shit.

      I broke it off with her and she acted like I was the asshole, I've never felt better after breaking up however.

    • @jjjbunch good for you man, don't take no guff!

  • It's not just men, women do it too.

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    • no. women usually just avoid dating/hooking up for awhile after being hurt.

      and women do it too isn't a real answer. it's really lame when guys on here answer that way.

    • No it's not lame, because you were generalizing that men do it. You're no better than me for suggesting that most men do it.

      Get real; women do it just as often as guys do. Stop lying to yourself and stop lying to everyone else. Cause we're not fallin' for it.

    • lol, someone needs to take a chill pill.

  • Girls do this too.. I once dated a girl who even blamed me for stuff her father did that I might do. It was really bizarre. Guys aren't the only ones who carry around baggage.

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    • Oh my gosh.. I can't tell you how many times that has happened to me.. LOL...

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    • It is pretty hurtful when someone takes something out on you that you did not do. It makes you wonder what on earth you ever did wrong. I see the signs earlier on now than I did in my younger years. I "get out of Dodge" when I see it coming on now. Not something I will tolerate from someone now.

    • @ArrowheadSW same here. I no longer put up with anything that isn't my fault.

  • Nah, I think women are just as guilty of this. I've had women try to play games with me then seen them. later talking about how it's "better to hurt the guy than for him to hurt you" and shit like that. I know you'll probably call this a lame answer for calling you out on your BS, but there you go.

    As for why, I suppose they just expect the next one or most to be the same as the last one.

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    • lol, you didn't call me out on anything.

      and it's a stupid logic because they're causing themselves to end up with awful women in the end.

  • Men and women both do this. It's part of the human condition. It means that they haven't worked out the aftermath of the time they were hurt.

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  • And women don't?

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  • I had a friend take it out on me, because of his dating mistakes, and because she has an interest in me now, It's probably because he thinks everyone is after him to hurt him in some way, and it's just their fault. I suggest finding more friendly men. Just because someone looks good, doesn't mean you should date them, Coming from someone who probably doesn't have the best fashion sense I try to wear the best clothes when a girl is interested me, like a white and blue flannel jacket with a grey t-shirt underneath. So choose the right kind of man, not the most popular or whatever, just the one that makes you happy.

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  • Women do the same thing when they've been fucked over by men. It's not a gendered behaviour.

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  • I dont think this is a guy/girl question... I think it is a human thing. People... when wronged (or feel like they were wronged)... lose thier sense of control and seek to take it back. Often this takes the form of lashing out and passing thier pain and frustration onto someone else. That way they can feel like they won "something" even if the person they lashed out at has nothing to do with the original reason they were in pain.

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  • Because they're SEXIST. That's all there is to it, really.

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  • Thats how i feel woman are. I kinda know how you feel. But i am not that way. I know its not somebody eles's fault

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  • Usually its the girl he loves the most after that any resemblance of happiness or love he remembers the hurt and tries to never get hurt again. Its only natural. And it happens with both genders!!

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  • Lot of women do that too, so I don't think it is gender specific thing, I think any person who does that has got a lot of other issues which are not related to being heart broken at all

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  • Because you're all the same

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  • He may be distrustful and didn't want want to get hurt again

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  • It's not that one girl hurt them, it's that all of them did until they started putting themselves first because nice guys finsh last, and by that I mean they are usually a sort of plan b to the girls they like used for building self esteem but that's it. So obviously they adapted

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  • Because men aren't treated poorly by just one woman. If a guy is in a relationship, there's a solid chance he had to ask out dozens upon dozens of women to get there. And almost all of those women will have been cold and rude to him.

    Frankly, the vast majority of a man's interactions with women are negative. That's the rule--NOT the exception. After a while, the guy gets sick of the constantly atrocious behavior he's subjected to, so he simply starts returning the favor.

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    • That's been my experience. At this point I have a hard time mustering the energy to even approach a woman anymore. not that I've given up or hate women, that's not the case at all. There's just only so many punches you can roll with, ya know? Even then, that wouldn't be an excuse for me to go around reading anyone else badly.

    • being rejected isn't an excuse. those women are probably mostly strangers. feeling hurt over a stranger not being interested is silly.

    • @singun77 thank you. it isn't excuse. so many guys on here are using this same thing as an excuse for their actions.

  • This from a woman? Really? Holy crap this is like the most hypocritical thing I've ever read! I've lost count of the number of women I've heard who hate ALL guys because they're shit at picking guys.

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    • yes, some women chase after asshole after asshole. but that's not the same as treating every one who come along poorly because they were hurt by another. that's another thing altogether.

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    • that's weird. all the ones I've seen say that were always single.

    • No worries, we have different experiences, but believe me, they're out there. I know men like that are too, I do see your side! I just don't think it's the only side!

  • I do that.

    Tell the bitches to quit fucking it up for the female kingdom then.

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    • *queendom

    • why do you do it? why not just get back at the one who actually hurt you?

    • Sometimes the opportunity never comes back up.

  • Maybe men tend to change their worldview rather than vent their frustrations on one or two people.

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    • ok, well I get that. but it still doesn't explain the point of taking it out on other women.

  • Because it's only a matter of time before the new women in your life hurt you as well, so what's the fucking point in setting yourself up for another disappointment?

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    • wow, if this is the logic most men have, that's pretty stupid.

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    • Merk'd.

    • trying to understand that mentality doesn't make me stupid. grow up.

What Girls Said 4

  • I never got closure with one guy and I thought why did he break up with me. I told him I wanted to know what I did wrong turned out it was him that did something wrong. He didn't love me for me. He dumped me because I was too fat for him and i wasn't girlie enough for him despite the fact he was my friend before we started dating. I was pissed. After a while I thought about it, I paid for most of the dates, I thought man he should pay me back for all the money I spent on him. I then told him the amount and he went nuts. I even said to him I know you have other debt so pay off that debt then pay me back and he still went nuts. He didn't love me for me despite the fact I loved him for him. He was also a controller. He didn't like me having fun without him. It was a bad relationship. I still think I need to get counseling about it because of how it made me feel. I am just lucky I have a husband who understands that I have massive insecurities because of that relationship. I fear he is going to change his mind about how he feels about me but he reassures me that he won't leave me.

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    • as much of a dick as he might have been, you can't ask an ex to pay you "back" for money you spent on him during your relationship. also, its odd you were keeping count.

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    • umm. . I don't even know what to say to that.

      I could only imagine how awful dating would become if it were actually possible to make ex boyfriends/girlfriends pay every time a relationship left someone an emotional wreck. men wouldn't only be against marriage at the numbers they are theses days, no one would ever date anymore. lol

    • Well he verbally abused me

  • I agree with you, I told my ex boyfriend that I'm not the one who hurt him, but he still treated me like Shit because he was angry with women

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    • By the way asker at 32 you aren't past your prime as some fool said - you are in your prime

  • My ex did that. I guess it's their defense mechanism to avoid getting hurt again, as wrong as it is to generalize every individual as being the same as the last.

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  • The same reason why women take it out on men afterwards. Some people are just assholes, regardless of gender.

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