How can I learn to trust someone again?

My ex boyfriend was cheating on me , it was 7months ago but still i am thinking about it! We've been together for 4 years and i was really hurt and I became very insecure.
I tried to date some guys but i can't trust anyone , even if someone is nice to me , tells me compliments,, I suspect he is lying. I don't believe in myself anymore, i feel unattractive or that something is wrong with me - even if someone would tell me 10000 times that he likes me. In fact I am sometimes rude to guys - because i expect them to hurt me sooner or later so i keep them on distance, I am maybe just very afraid of getting hurt again.
But honestly I would like to date someone..
Is there anything I can do? Please help..


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Getting hurt comes with territory with relationships, but you have to ask yourself are you strong enough, and confident enough to handle it. Having a relationship with man or women, comes with a risk, and that's something you have accept.

    When someone cheats on you, don't make the rest of the population paying for your boyfriends, bad behaviour. Trust is not so much about the other person, its about trusting yourself, in being handle what they do next, you have also got trust yourself in being handle their actions, if you can't trust yourself, it will be hard to trust others.

    Don't give your power away, to your boyfriend, and say you can't trust another man again, because of he did.
    Hate, anger and resentment are destructive, eating away at the heart and soul of the person who carries them. They are absolutely incompatible with your own peace, joy and relaxation. Ugly emotions change who you are and contaminate every relationship you have. They can also take a physical toll on your body, including sleep disturbance, headaches, back spasms, and even heart attacks.

    Forgiveness sets you free from the bonds of hatred, anger and resentment. The only way to rise above the negatives of a relationship in which you were hurt is to take the moral high ground, and forgive the person who hurt you.

    Forgiveness is not about another person who has transgressed against you; it is about you. Forgiveness is about doing whatever it takes to preserve the power to create your own emotional state. It is a gift to yourself and it frees you. You don't have to have the other person's cooperation, and they do not have to be sorry or admit the error of their ways. Do it for yourself.

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    • Thank you, your answer really really helped me, I feel better. I am trying to forgive him and it's going well i think, with time it's easier.
      I have the other problem also that I feel completely insecure after it, I mean I lost my self -esteem , it's because I gave him everything i could i tried to be always caring , supportive,,, I tried to be super hot in bed and do all the crazy things , - and still he cheated on me? so i think it means i am just not good enough ,, what if i won't be good enough for anyone? that's why i am afraid to date someone new,,
      I asked him about it, and he said that it wasn't my fault and he couldn't really explain to me why he did it..
      I know it will seem crazy but i check the other girl's photos on facebook and i compare myself or analyze her photos thinking if she is that pretty or what was so special in her..

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    • www.youtube.com/watch?v=KV7dHrc_r9g Hey lexi, i want to watch this video. it will help you. There is a lot more for you, like confidence.

    • watch this with a pinch of salt, some points are good, but not all of them.

What Guys Said 15

  • You will never be able to trust him. If someone cannot be faithful it tells you he has zero respect for you and the relationship is dead. Don't ever fall for the "it was a mistake" or "I couldn't help it" bullshit.
    it will be very difficult and painful since you have been together a long time. But you need to drop this dirt-bag. Once a cheater, always a cheater. he will just do it again and again as long as your with him. If you take him back, he knows he can get away with it, and will just keep doing it.

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  • I can understand and it's really sad as to what happened with you. I can understand your feeling. I know it's not going to be easy for you to trust another guy again, but then you must understand that not all men will do that, some men will never cheat, yes there are men like that also.

    Hence just give it time, lots of time, you need to heal on the inside and it will take it's time to do so.

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  • I don't think you can really trust anyone to not cheat. I think trusting someone will never cheat is naive. What I do though, is give everyone I date the benefit of the doubt and let them do what they want. If they cheat, I get rid of them and move on.

    And I always tell them before we get serious that if they are ever going to cheat on me, break up with me before you do it is all I ask. I ask them to have at least that much respect for me.

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    • good answer, this exactly how should everyone you date. Give everyone a chance, but if they fuck up, say goodbye, and move on quickly. not worth dwelling on the person that hurt you.

  • Give yourself time. Before you can be in a trusting relationship you have to process and move past the one that hurt you. Focus on you without a relationship, then when ready move towards adding someone to your life that enhances your happiness.

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  • Honestly I think that's completely natural in your situation. Just keep dsting. You dont b have to trust them but take it slow. The guys that's willing to take it slow with you will probably better than anyone else.

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  • I had almost exactly the same experience - not cheating, but a betrayal, and I reacted the same way. Yes, it's difficult to trust anyone again: it's tempting to retreat into a shell and push people away in case you get hurt again.

    I think the best way would be to get to know someone first. If we just met, and were interested in each other, we'd both struggle with that, afraid we'd be betrayed again - but if we got to know each other first, becoming friends, learning to trust each other, that could work couldn't it?

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  • A simple advice to you... dont go for the feelings dear.. try to separate it from needs and trust.. because you can't trust anyone... i think you understood the last line in harsh way but the relationship is a emotional and phyasical need somewhat... so if you take it as a need.. it will make it easier...

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  • Patiënt is the key word i think

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  • I would stay single for a good while & develop yourself , you are NOT ready , plus you may develop a reputation as a man hater if you are rude / cold to guys , as they will not know why you behave in that manner , unfortunately word travels very fast & you will scare off potentially good matches. Be comfortable with yourself again first & on the plus side it is FAR easier for a woman to meet / start a relationship with a man , than vice versa !

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  • Use it to your advantage. These things will help you be more perceptive of others and strengthen character judgement.

    This doesn't mean you are going to end up paranoid loony or anything, just be wary and make guys you date gain your trust. And no need to rush on dating just because, do it when you see potential or feel lots of attraction that will allow you to let yourself go just a bit. Hope you find someone that inspires trust for a change, eventually.

    Good luck!

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  • You won't ever trust him again.

    Move on.

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  • I was hurt a lot after my last relationship, she lied a lot, the biggest I've was "I still like you" when really she liked another guy, I found this out and was crushed, but she can fuck right off

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  • Allow the person to have enough rope to hang himself. To be honest what will happen will happen so there's not much point in worrying about such things.

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  • by meeting the right people, and not giving up on trying to find those people

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  • All people are not the same. Some peoples is good, u try find good peoples. This my think...

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What Girls Said 5

  • This is the real affect of cheating. It hurts you to your core and makes you distrust everyone!

    I know exactly how you feel. I was in this place and still kind of am a few months ago. I had been dating my boyfriend for just over a year (not a long time I know). But he seemed to be really into me. I was definitely into him. He talked about moving in together and having a future together. I was really excited to think that I may have found the one.

    I really want a family and to get married someday. Anyway, I heard from a friend that he might have a dating profile up. So I searched it. He had been active online. My friend messaged him and set up a date. I showed up and confronted him. He admitted to my friend he had been seeing some girl from another town and that things ended. But the timeline he gave her was when we were together.

    I could not believe that someone would do that to anyone. I know cheating happens, but he would always tell me he was busy with family stuff. I didn't want to be the mean, overly controlling girlfriend who never believed him. So I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt, until I had the evidence.

    But I totally identify with how you are feeling. This is exactly how I felt afterwards. How could I possibly trust anyone? It wasn't the first time a guy was seeing a girl at the same time as me, and I feel like I'll never find a guy sometimes :(

    I've found that I just have to be hopeful that someone out there is honest and wants to be with only me. It might take some time to find someone, but you will find someone eventually.

    Time helps, I've found the more time that has passed, the more easily I will trust. But I still sometimes worry that any guy I date will end up doing this to me again

    I know not all guys do this kind of thing. And there are plenty of women who cheat too. But it just rattles your soul when it happens to you.

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    • I am sorry that it happened to you as well, my boyfriend also seemed to be really into me , so when i discovered that he was meeting also the other girl I was really shocked i totally didn't expect it :( . I have similar worries like you have now..
      I am sure that there is someone much more better than your ex , waiting just for you trust me

  • The first thing you need to do is not blame yourself for anything and rebuild your confidence. Know that nothing you ever did made any difference in whether or not he'd be faithful to you. You have to believe in yourself and realize he was the one who messed up, not you. I am going through the same thing. Living with a man that I quit my job and moved an hour away from home to live with. I cook like a chef, screw like a porn star, and loved and doted on him. Didn't change who he was. People like that have serious insecurities and often times need the ego boost of seeking out other partners. I would suggest doing things that will make you feel better about yourself and rebuild your confidence. Dote on yourself, get a mani-pedi, a makeover, new clothes. Treat yourself the way you had wanted to be treated and then maybe talk to counselor or therapist. I know it sounds cliche to say this but if you don't love yourself no one else ever will. That's because you won't be able to accept their love. Once you know what you are worth you'll be able to move on. Until then don't bother. You will only do more damage to yourself.

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  • Time lots of it.

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  • Trusting someone is always a risk. The fact that your ex has cheated on you, says nothing about you... it's all on him. You just had bad luck with that jerk. So try somewhere... be cautious, but believe in people... and from time to time, when you already know something, even if it's silly, ask them as if you don't and see what they tell you. It will take time, but you'll never know who you can trust, without trusting them first and hope for the best.

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  • I think that it's good to keep your guard up because most times men are only trying to get into your pants. Don't be naïve and understand that no matter how nice the man is, he wants to have sex and will say anything to do so. He will buy you flowers, say you're beautiful, and try to 'woah' you. When this happens, don't be a bitch, just know that he needs to prove himself and give him the opportunity to do so. Don't have the man pay for your ex's mistakes, but respect yourself enough for him to understand that he is goddamn lucky to have you. Think of yourself as a queen, treat yourself as one, and I promise he will too.

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