I find this very hurtful would you?

My boyfriend and i have been going out for 4 almost 5 years now. Even after all this time i still feel like he puts me second to his family. Which i find really odd considering we are both adults in a committed relationship you would think he would see me as a part of his family by this point. I would get it if wr have only been dating say like 4 months but its been practically 5 years. Here are a few examples. His mom and step dad live 20 minutes away from where he lives. I still live at home. We have Christmas dinner at my aunts house every year that lives about 45 minutes from where i live. Well every year i ask my boyfriend if at like 3 in the afternoon he could come over to my house and we could go to my aunts together because he sleeps over his moms house Christmas eve night into Christmas and then wakes up there so he would still get time with his family but then the compromise would be to go see mine later. He doesn't want to do that. Every year this is a huge argument because i feel like he isn't willing to compromise at all. Its not like i am asking him not to see his family at all or like we never see them. We see his mom and step dad and his brother every Sunday for Sunday dinner. Its the fact that he isn't willing to compromise at all. It honestly makes me feel like he doesn't see me as an important person to be with on Christmas like his family is more of a priority than me. I just feel like its odd that after 5 years he doesn't see me as family. At that point we are more than just dating this is a committed serious relationship that we are both in for the long haul but yet he doesn't seem to think im important enough to spend important holidays with and doesn't see me as part of the family. He is just always putting them first. Im not asking to even come first or to never prioritize them im simply asking to be an equal priority and to view me as part of the family or else where is this relationship headed you know. Am i expecting to much or do i need to have a talk with him?


What Guys Said 3

  • 1. You are not expecting too much.

    2. You have already talked to him. . . every Christmas, right?

    3. If you are contemplating marriage, do NOT proceed with the assumption that he will change when he is married. He will NOT change.

    4. It sounds like he is afraid to assert his independence from his parents. This would be a tremendous problem in a marriage.

    5. You must either accept the situation as it is, without complaint, or decide that this is not the way you will live the rest of your life and end the relationship.

  • Relationship thrives on RESPECT and this includes giving your spouse his/her freedom. There is nothing wrong in his decision, that does not take away the love he has for you. I discovered the more you let people free, the more they want to be close, but the more you become so forceful the more they want to be free. Another important thing you should learn is communication skills, did you discuss with your boyfriend prior to this? Did he agree to come over? If yes then you talk to him in a polite manner about your feelings, about him disappointing you, But if there were no promises then there is little you can do than to focus on something else.

    • There is something wrong when we have been together 5 years and he still refuses to see me at all on Christmas. I would get it if i asked him to spend every Christmas with my fam and not with his but that isn't the case i am simply asking him to make me a priority to and to compromise with me. There is no compromise and after 5 years his serious girlfriend is someone that you should want to spend Christmas with. By saying hey babe i am going to spend all of Christmas with my fam and none with you he is basically saying thqt being with them on Christmas is more of a priority than being with me which is really odd considering we have been together so long. Yes a relationship is about communication and i tried communicating very nice and calmly why i felt hurt and he still didn't wanna compromise which is also not good a relationship is also about compromise

  • Every Christmas I have ever had a girlfriend this argument has happened with me and whichever girl I happen to be with. What family gets what block of time if any is an argument as old as the holidays themselves. I don't have a solution just know you don't suffer alone.

    • Yeah but im not even asking him to not see my family instead of his i am simply asking for a little compromise to see my family in addition to his.

    • Oh no I get it... it sucks. You have every right to be mad. I have been in the same situation.

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