My boyfriend and i have been going out for 4 almost 5 years now. Even after all this time i still feel like he puts me second to his family. Which i find really odd considering we are both adults in a committed relationship you would think he would see me as a part of his family by this point. I would get it if wr have only been dating say like 4 months but its been practically 5 years. Here are a few examples. His mom and step dad live 20 minutes away from where he lives. I still live at home. We have Christmas dinner at my aunts house every year that lives about 45 minutes from where i live. Well every year i ask my boyfriend if at like 3 in the afternoon he could come over to my house and we could go to my aunts together because he sleeps over his moms house Christmas eve night into Christmas and then wakes up there so he would still get time with his family but then the compromise would be to go see mine later. He doesn't want to do that. Every year this is a huge argument because i feel like he isn't willing to compromise at all. Its not like i am asking him not to see his family at all or like we never see them. We see his mom and step dad and his brother every Sunday for Sunday dinner. Its the fact that he isn't willing to compromise at all. It honestly makes me feel like he doesn't see me as an important person to be with on Christmas like his family is more of a priority than me. I just feel like its odd that after 5 years he doesn't see me as family. At that point we are more than just dating this is a committed serious relationship that we are both in for the long haul but yet he doesn't seem to think im important enough to spend important holidays with and doesn't see me as part of the family. He is just always putting them first. Im not asking to even come first or to never prioritize them im simply asking to be an equal priority and to view me as part of the family or else where is this relationship headed you know. Am i expecting to much or do i need to have a talk with him?
I find this very hurtful would you?
What Guys Said 3
1. You are not expecting too much.
2. You have already talked to him. . . every Christmas, right?
3. If you are contemplating marriage, do NOT proceed with the assumption that he will change when he is married. He will NOT change.
4. It sounds like he is afraid to assert his independence from his parents. This would be a tremendous problem in a marriage.
5. You must either accept the situation as it is, without complaint, or decide that this is not the way you will live the rest of your life and end the relationship.0
Relationship thrives on RESPECT and this includes giving your spouse his/her freedom. There is nothing wrong in his decision, that does not take away the love he has for you. I discovered the more you let people free, the more they want to be close, but the more you become so forceful the more they want to be free. Another important thing you should learn is communication skills, did you discuss with your boyfriend prior to this? Did he agree to come over? If yes then you talk to him in a polite manner about your feelings, about him disappointing you, But if there were no promises then there is little you can do than to focus on something else.0
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