Why do I still fantasise about my first kiss a year ago?

It was really special. We were both drunk and she initiated it. But it felt like the world had stopped and the kiss lasted forever. She was like my best friend. But she was sleeping with a friend in our group at the same time. I didn't want to speak about it, it was so awkward.

I was was angry with her for putting me in such an awkward position. I've since moved away, I was 20 at the time. I've got with one other girl since but it didn't mean as much. My first kiss felt so special, maybe because she meant so much to me? Or am I in denial? I've tried to forget about her but she still texts me.

I I want to move forward. I hope her now boyfriend makes her as happy as I would have. Her texts suggest she still cares for me a lot but after what happened, we can't return to just 'friends', we kissed the entire night.

I just need need to get out there more but it takes ages for me to let my brain know that I really like someone. I won't go for someone just on looks, unless she's just up for sex.

But it I guess this is life, right?


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