What's wrong with objectifying people?

Basically, I don't see what's wrong with objectifying people, especially girls/women. People always say "oh, it's wrong, it's manipulative" yet they say "you have to be too, can't be weak, have to be confident, don't be a b*tch" and all this other bull, well, my question is, how the fuck do you do that without objectifying people? Basically, if I objectify someone, that means I don't care about them. People can only hurt you when you actually care about them. For instance, if I have a close friend that I eventually develop feelings for, I have two options. Either continue to care about this person and eventually be crushed, or, I can completely destroy any emotional connection I have to this person and see only what usefulness they have to me. Why would I possibly choose the option that leads to my own suffering? Especially if the latter can leave both parties unscathed. I mean, honestly, your friends barely actually care about you to begin with. They objectify you, why shouldn't you objectify them? Objectification is basically the only thing that has had the shattered pieces of my mind together amidst hearing throughout my entire life that, not only am I not good enough, but it's not my fault. Well, now, either you're not good enough for me, or I'm not good enough for you, either way, you mean nothing to me. What's wrong with never being hurt again?


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What Girls Said 1

  • Well you are right, people can only hurt you if you care about them. But life is a very lonely place with only shallow relationships of which you are not emotionally invested.

    At your age I had dozens of friends but only some good friends. I found that the friends who were just shallow acquaintances were mainly a waste of time. They are fine for passing time but not spending time.

    They won't be there when it matters. Life comes down to who is there when it matters. And you have to take a chance on people sometimes to get there. Best

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    • It's easy for you to say. All my life, I've been hurt and abandoned by people. I love very intensely, and thus must destroy any traces of love in my heart. It's why, the second I feel an emotional connection with a girl, I find every reason to invalidate. The first gash is always deepest, I'd rather protect that wound and avoid further injury.

    • My father passed when I was five. My mother remarried and I pretty much didn't see her anymore even though we lived in the same house until I was 15. Then she took another interest in me. Before that the only guardian in the house was a live in maid that didn't speak English.

      What you are describing sounds like avoidant personality disorder. If you believe everyone will always abandon you then that's what will happen. But if you find a therapist and learn how to identify acceptable and unacceptable treatment of you by others it helps a lot. You'll know how to better identify people who want to be part of your life and should be.

    • Its not avoidant, I know I most likely have Borderline Personality Disorder just based on my actions and the fact that it's frequently misdiagnosed as depression. And, please don't say go talk to a therapist, the assumption that I am not is irritating.

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