Do you believe that a prenup ruins a marriage?

  • Yes
    Vote A
  • No
    Vote B
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Most Helpful Guy

  • I don't think that prenuptial agreements are, in and of themselves, direct causes of divorce. HOWEVER, they do make a marriage more vulnerable. What a prenup essentially is is a statement that the couple thinks that they will encounter problems that they will choose not to work through, that there are changes that they will choose not to make - either as individuals or as a unit.

    Some might say that it's just a safety net in case things fall apart. If things might "just fall apart", then why bother marrying that person in the first place? The way I was raised, a couple is in it "for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death parts us". Love and marriage aren't things that people slide into or "try out". They can't be proven by facts and logic. They are conscious decisions.

    Someone once told me that prenups are necessary because not only does a couple become one in body, heart, mind, and soul, but in assets as well. By the very nature of prenuptial agreements, their assets CAN'T be one because they have that barrier around them.

    I get it. I understand that people look around and see a discouragingly high divorce rate in modern society, so they want to protect themselves. They want a safety net of some sort. However, they need to understand that marriage prep begins when they're single. If they want marriage and family, then they need to make the choices that will prepare them for it. When they say "I do", they're in it for the long haul and if they think they can't or won't make it, then again, why bother? They need to understand that they will need to make changes and sacrifices for the other person, that the other person won't be perfect, they they are choosing a life with this person, come Hell or high water.

    In the movie The Dark Knight Rises, there's the scene towards the end of the movie when Bruce Wayne is trying to escape from the prison. One guy tells him that "Fear is why you fail". Bruce acknowledges his fear and the other guy tells him to "make the climb"..."... without the rope." Bruce had been trying to escape by using a rope to catch him if he were to fall. He now knows what he has to do. He HAS to make the jump. If he doesn't even take the jump in the first place, his city burns. If he takes it and falls, he dies. He has only one option: Make the jump...

    People need to start going into marriage "without the rope", without prenups.

    • That;s not possible. Essentially a prenup is an alternate legal arrangement to the standard one. It's not like there's no arrangement for divorce without one. There most certainly is. The prenup is simply a modification to that arrangement. Typically one that does NOT move as much money to the lower income party as the standard law allows.

      Given that the large majority of divorces are filed for by the lower income party, i might suggest prenups reduce, rather than increase the 'rope' available.

    • Show All
    • Arrangements: guidelines that will be used to determine allocation of assets, custody of children and physical custody of children in the case of a divorce.

      A prenup is really just an addendum to that existing civil law particular to your marriage. If you don't have one, the 'standard' rules would apply. But there are rules either way.

    • @0112358 Okay thank you for clarifying. However, that's still exactly what I'm saying. Our expectations of marriage have become so low. From what I've observed, people take the "lifelong" aspect of marriage too casually. I stand by what I by what I said. I really honestly believe that prenups make marriages more vulnerable.

      As a society, we need to raise our expectations. We need to re-examine ourselves and our values to see where we're going wrong and what changes we need to make. Prenups don't help with this. Rather than looking at each other with hope, desire, and above all, intention, a couple looks at each other with an asterisk.

      Marriage is supposed to be a lifelong commitment. When they add the "just in case", it's as if their resolve is weakened.

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What Girls Said 3

  • OP, you've weirdly left out the single most important thing that prenuptial agreements address, which is the huge amount of inequality that's inherent in most marriages.

    Most marriages have a substantially higher earner and a substantially lower earner. The way divorce courts work, the higher earner has NONE of the power, and the lower earner has ALL of it.
    For instance, if my husband got some brain lesion and decided to walk out on me tomorrow, I'd have to pay him about $4500/mo in alimony for at least the next 72 months. If he got custody 5 days/wk and I got weekends, that'd be another $4000/mo or so in child support, not even taxable to him.

    You see the issue, here. You are thinking that just standing up there and declaring "I do" stands as a sufficient show of commitment.

    That may work for you -- and it worked for me, too -- but, other people don't work that way. Other people are just too realistic to assume that two people will both stick to a lifetime contract that promises absolutely nothing but reward for one of them in return for breaking it.

    For those people, it's sufficient commitment for the HIGHER earner to stand up there and say I do. For the lower earner, though, it isn't -- I mean, hell, who wouldn't sign up for a deal like that? LOL
    For these people, the prenuptial agreement is the thing that actually gives marriage exactly the significance and weight that YOU want it to have, here.
    It's the thing that demonstrates that both parties are actually making a real commitment, to each other, and not to hedging for their own personal gain.

    The other thing yr doing that you just don't have to do, here, is making a big big deal out of the agreement.
    That's the wrong way to treat a prenuptial agreement.
    The right way to treat it, is as just another one of the many papers that you sign when you marry someone. It's just a part of the process.

  • no, I don't think so. Some say that if you need a prenup, it means you think the marriage will fail but if you know it won't fail, doing a prenup shouldn't be a problem

  • ofc it ruins marriage because if u don't sign the prenup thy going say u all about the money but then again u sign at the end of day u get nothing


What Guys Said 6

  • A prenup is really the truest form of marriage. At its most basic level a marriage is a legal contract between two people binding themselves to take care of one another for their mutual protection.

    Our modern idealistic model of marriage is what ruins marriage. It is impossible for people to remain in a constant state of being "in love" for 50 years. You can't base a marriage on emotions and expect it to last the test of time. Feelings come and go and are too fickle to trust in.

  • No I believe in this day and age it probably is a safe precaution and a valid one, better to be safely in love then foolishly in love.

  • Nope. I always say that I'll never be married but if I ever ended up getting married, I'm taking all the precautions necessary to brace myself in the case of divorce... a prenup will exist for sure.

  • These days I wouldn't get married without one, but then again I wouldn't get married anyway.

  • Yes, it does. Insurance policy for failed marriage. Means a breakup is expected. Many state also will toss prenups anyway, Easily invalidated.

  • No I do not. Both should be logical about it that their marriage has the possibility to fail in the future. Whoever does not prepare for all situations is a moron.