HELP!! My ex boyfriend changed and became a player and a thug, and I feel like its my fault, I want him back?

I was in a relationship with this guy for 5 years (we are both 22), I cheated on him with my coworker & then I broke up with him because I did not love him anymore, he begged me to stay and that he would forgive me for cheating but I left him, he said that I was the most important person in the world for him. At that moment my career, friends and family became more important then him, he cared about me way more then I cared about him and I felt suffocated of his clinginess and niceness. He always bought me things, called me just to hear my voice, wrote me songs poems, called me beautiful a lot, got jealous and insecure and at the time I was not able to handle it at that time.

The break up was 6 months ago. After dating several guys & getting my heart broken over & over I came to realize that I was an A-hole and he was the best boyfriend ever. He was a nice quiet shy, skinny cute delicate sensitive frail nerd who kept to himself and his studies, he was very passive non violent. He donated to charity a lot and did volunteer work. He was a beautiful person, but he changed..

Now he is a player dating different girls, he's gotten really muscular, he's more aggressive and quick to anger and fight someone, that he hangs out with suspecious people. He got arrested for several fights. When I first heard it I did not believe it. I drove past this street (On purpose) and I saw him there and he was different. He dresses differently, muscular and had a girl with him and guy friends who look dangerous. I Facebook messaged him one day and asked him why is he being this way and he said "why the fuck do you care? We broke up, and besides the only way to survive in this world is to adapt so I did what I had to do, fuck off, bye" I don't understand, its a little vague, and he stopped writing back and blocked me. How could someone like him who was so kind change so much and become such a different person? I regret everything, I feel so guilty and wish I could have him back.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Guys feel very differently then girls, in some studies young men actually feel deeper, and have longer lasting emotional damage then women. (see elitedaily.com/.../) And when guys get hurt, they often withdraw into themselves and build a tough exterior to prevent themselves from being hurt again. This sounds like typical response to a broken heart, and no he isn't likely to forgive or forget you. And no, don't try and get him back, you'll only make it worse.

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    • I think it is more because he became a better looking person and got selected by other girls that make her jealous rather than guilt.

What Guys Said 10

  • You cheated on him, so it makes perfect sense that he wants nothing to do with you now that he realizes the sea is plentiful with lady-fish.

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  • Yep. Woman don't seem to know what they can do to a guy. And most don't give a shit. Most if not majority. I've changed plenty because of them. I used to be real nice person, but women have put calluses on my soul.

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  • Well, you can't expect to be with someone you screwed over. Congratulations, you just got your karma served. Learn from it and move on. There's nothing you can do for him. You of all people don't have the right to call him a 'playa'.

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  • You planted the seed but, the only thing I wish is that he would have left you because you wasn't ready for him. But it is some women who deserve a good man.

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  • You did him a favor and taught him an important lesson at a young age. It is far less likely that he will fall into the trap of a horrid woman such as you again

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  • he doesn't want anything to do w/ you because you cheated. move on.

    (if you're gonna tell me he doesn't know you cheated, you're full of shit.)

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  • You fucked his whole world and you are asking yourself why he changed. In order to not being hurt again, he changed from passive, to active. If i were in your shoes, i would feel guilty too.

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  • Because if you meant the world to him and you cheat on him and leave him, it'll fucking crush him.
    And that kind of shit fucks up people like that's heads and they usually end up like that. Still in a relationship, but my girlfriend seems to have lost interest (she still loves me somehow) and I feel like I'm sort of starting to go a sort of similar path to what your ex did, but not exactly the same.

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  • I remember this story, you asked this exact same question a while ago. You can find my answer there.

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  • Player, thug = loser

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