I've fallen in love with a friend and messed it up. Help?

A friend of mine for about a year, not hugely close but I would call her a friend, Made a move on me back in September. She had been out of a relationship for a couple of months. She made all the moves, she initiated the first kiss at our local club, pretty much invited herself to mine for 'netflix and chill' the next day and invited me round to hers the week after. We also went up to a nice countryside place later that day. All was going well, I liked her and she seemed to like me, although I felt extremely nervous because I didn't want to do anything stupid.

A couple of weeks later things went cold, she would cancel plans last minute on me even though she was happy to make them and I did the stupid thing of telling her that I liked her and chased her a bit. I asked her if things were going further and she said she wasn't ready for a relationship.

I had fallen in love but the feelings felt unrequited and I became a bit depressed. I backed off a little bit, just friendly talking at weekends. On new years day she rang me at 9 am asking for a lift home because she was stuck in Derby after a rubbish night with a douce bag (her words). She had done me favours but I was at a family members and didn't have my car. She managed to get home and then opened up to me about how she doesn't know what she wants and everything with me is confusing her. She likes me but doesn't want to commit to me because she's worried that she will panic and mess things up. But the whole process is hot and cold.

Ideally, I would like another slower chance with this girl and if it doesn't work then we call it off and stay friends before we become committed. But I don't really want to lose her completely. Her words to me were also "I can't bare to not have you in my life". I'm not sure if I'm on the back burner because I showed weakness early on because I was in a lonely state or she generally wants to wait until she is happy with her own life. Any advice would be hugely appreciated.


Most Helpful Girl

  • It could be she wants to wait until she's happy with her life. But I doubt it, especially if she's playing the field with other guys. If it's the negative side, I think she's playing you along. You're the second choice of things don't work out with douche canoe 1,2 & 3. You're safe because you like her, & she knows it. If someone wants to find their own happiness in themselves, & straighten their life out, they usually don't go parading off with one nighters & stuff.

    Your best bet is to cut all ties. Someone like that isn't a good friend, either.

    • With regards to the one nighters, according to her best friend who is also a friend of mine said that new years eve she wanted to spend with me but I was busy. She met a lad she went to school with but hated his ego and the fact he kept taking selfies. She stayed on his bedroom floor and left first thing in the morning and had no money for a taxi home and no bus service. This apparently is the only time she has met with another lad.

    • In that case, I think it's safe to say she likes you, but doesn't want to commit to anything so soon. I think you're good, just take it easy.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Ahh. This is bad!!

    Dump her and go no contact...

    She is keeping you as a safe bait... So that is things don't with OUT with the guys she was sleeping with she would come to you...

    If I was in your place I would tell her to piss off especially when she is sleeping with other guys while telling me that she likes me !

    I wouldn't even try to pursue her especially when she is fresh out of a relationship... Because I would know that i would be a rebound guy... Only

    So forget this chick...

    • According to her she didn't sleep with the new years guy. She rang me a few weeks before to see what I was doing that night but I had plans with my family. She said he was a douce bag and she ended up sleeping on his floor because she was stuck. I don't know how true this is but she apparently isn't sleeping around but is speaking to other guys. But then again I'm speaking to other girls and I hooked up with another girl whilst on a night out with our friends (she was there) not sure how she took that

What Girls Said 0

The only opinion from girls was selected the Most Helpful Opinion!

What Guys Said 3

  • Well, not your fault, but I think you missed the boat the first time with her because you wanted to take things slower than she did. She seems to be interested in playing the field right now, but she also sees you as someone she can settle down with. But I don't think she is ready to settle down and still would rather play the field. So I think she is putting you on the back burner. I sincerely do not believe in switching back and forth between friends and lovers. I think it is either or. Too messy to switch to and from. I think right now you are more of the guy she runs to to talk to about the other guys she sleeps with. You are just the friend to her right now. The only way to be lovers is to take her, take her now and take her fast!!! Playing slow and low will only solidify your spot on the back burner.

  • You were just a rebound. Try to get off this girl.

  • I haven't read all that you wrote but we boys so I'll help you ou. Message me her name and number I know exactly what to do!!!