Boyfriend cheated on ex, and it's hard for me to develop deep feelings for him. Help?


My boyfriend told me immediately when we met that he cheated on his ex. Not just once... but for years he kept two parallel relationships, one after the other. He told me he didn't want to hurt her and that's why he didn't break up with her.

He's being really nice to me, treats me and respects me a lot, I don't have the feeling that he's hiding stuff from me. He's always available for me, always want to spend time with me, makes plans for the future and has introduced me to his friends and co-workers. He's very attractive to me and I admire many of his traits. We're also a good match in many aspects.

However, knowing that he lied SO MANY YEARS to his ex is really hard to swallow. I'm having troubles to get over it. I think people can change, but I'm repelled that he could do something like that for such a long period of time. He shows all the telltale signs of being in love with me, but no matter how much I like his company, knowing of his past makes me feel "detached" from him, and sometimes I "ruminate" really bad thoughts about him... I'm sure I'd be head over heels for this guy, had he not told me about his past, I'm totally sure of that.

Any advice?


0|0
4|2

Most Helpful Guy

  • He had no respect for his ex and it sounds like he was selfish and only cared about himself. Do you really want to be in a relationship with someone like that? He may not cheat on you, but it is a trait that he does possess. He was dishonest to her for YEARS! Do you really want to associate yourself with someone whI would do such a thing?

    0|0
    0|0

Most Helpful Girl

  • A guy cheating on his ex would be a deal-breaker for me. He may never cheat again, but cheating is his potential - it is what he is capable in a relationship

    To lie to his ex for that long shows he has absolutely no conscience. Someone who has a conscience could never deceive someone that way. Everything he says to you will be exactly what he told his ex.

    I would rather remain single for the rest of my life than to settle for someone who doesn't value loyalty.

    0|0
    0|0

What Guys Said 1

  • No matter what happened in the past or how he behaves now, I think you will always distrust him. I think you should move on.

    1|0
    0|0

What Girls Said 3

  • You have to also realize that he was clearly able to keep up the illusion of being a good boyfriend for years (while being a cheater) or else the relationship wouldn't have lasted for so long..
    So just because he doesn't seem like he's cheating, it doesn't mean he isn't.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Than move on!

    0|0
    0|0
  • Personally, I appreciate him being honest but I wouldn't date anyone who cheated. He willingly did that AND lied so I wouldn't be willing to risk him doing the same with me.

    0|0
    0|0
Loading...