Are mental illnesses a turn off for you?

I'm talking about depression, anxiety, etc. I've personally found that a lot of guys (at least the ones I've known) don't want to deal with all that. I think I've had 2 boyfriends who have been okay with it, but my most recent one (Who I just left the other day), couldn't deal with it and was extremely mean to me about things like that (that I cannot help). I understand that that can be a big deal to some people, but I do think it's a bit sad when someone doesn't want a person who has these issues (and is working on them) just because of a lack of understanding/patience. Most guys here just get away as fast as they can when they find out that I'm not "a perfect girl".

Because I know what it's like to have these problems, and I know how to deal with them, I personally would date someone who also has (or has had) these issues. Anyways, what's your view on dating people with mental illnesses?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Of course. Lack of health - mental or physical - is ultimatively and biologically a turn off to everyone. People who say that isn't the case are either not truthful to you or themselves - or they have some serious issues themselves.

    The only question is how big a turn off is it and if it is a deal-breaker.

    That being said I do not believe there is such a thing as "cannot be helped" in most mental illnesses. I think they can be overcome with hardwork and growth and someone who gives in to them rather than actively working on it is even more a deal-breaker than any mental illness could be.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I wouldn't immediately dismiss a person if I found out they had a mental illness. I mean, this day and age, everyone's got some kind of issue so that would leave almost no one to date. Ok, jokes aside, mental illness is a tricky thing to try to understand because its not a "one size fits all" situation. What I mean by that is, my depression, your depression, your neighbor's depression may look completely different from one another's. Same with PTSD, OCD, ADHD, anxiety, etc. To judge someone for any mental ailment is deplorable and completely cold. Some mental illnesses can appear at any time in a person's life so to be unsympathetic to person's medical condition that you yourself could very well face one day is beyond me. If a person ever judges you for being human, EFF THAT.
    Lastly, I want to say something about the "perfect girl" you mentioned. Who dictates whether you are or are not perfect? That word is so fluid, I wouldn't put weight on that term. You are perfect. Mental illness, no mental illness. Just because your story has dimension and is dynamic doesn't make you less than any one else. If a guy or girl, or whoever can't see that... then I'd say we can file those assholes under sociopaths and narcissists. Pretty sure those personality disorders can be considered mental illnesses.
    Gool Luck, MB. Keep kicking ass!

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What Guys Said 24

  • It would really depend on the person with the disorder. If they were honestly trying to keep the problem in check then yes I would be all in and try to help them as well as the relationship. How ever if they didn't put forth the effort to maintain an even keel I would have to bow out. If they can't show a level of concern for them selves they wouldn't have it for us either

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  • I dated a woman who struggled with depression and borderline personality disorder. The fact that she had these issues wasn't a deal breaker for me. I did the best I could to help her through her low periods and it helped me form a closer bond with her.

    Ultimately, we had to stop seeing each other romantically because she could not handle the emotional overload of a relationship and it was causing her to start self-harming again. I still love her and she remains my best friend. She eventually sought professional help and has found positive ways to deal with her emotions.

    If it seemed the right thing to do, I would not hesitate to rekindle our romance, but I don't want to do anything that might hurt her.

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  • Can we deal with it? Usually. The problem arises when it's bit too much. For example my ex-GF was bipolar at times the way she talked with me annoyed the shit out of me (she used childish voice and was acting like a 4 year old, was pissing me off a lot). However I kept my mouth shut and listen to her giving her advice and all, however for that I always paid a toll.

    You see I live with clinical depression and as such my life sucks, and having to deal with someone else's mental disorder wasn't helping. Me listening to her and coming her down usually resulted in my personal breakdowns, I would have a breakdown and no one would know, no one was there for me like I was for her. And being fair it was hard dealing with her manic mood swings. But I kept it up and never said anything to her. We broke up because I was being used for money and to taxi her around, not because of her bipolar disorder.

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  • good lord, no. i have/had depression and ocd/anxiety. i hate when people who have/had it think that they have to cut themselves or some shit. like, i've been in some dark places and never crossed my mind. i have a hard time believing that others who do felt the need to. as for. anxiety, more or less not. like, if she got an anxiety attack, sure. it happens. but if every single thing gives her anxiety or she refuses to do things because of it, then that's where i have a problem.

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  • It depends on the mental illness (es) and how well they are handling it. As @wc444 said, some mental illnesses like BPD are extremely hard both for the person who has it and their partner.

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  • Nope. The opposite, in fact.

    I've said it about a thousand times now, but I like the depression and self-hatred.

    I can see it in their eyes as I fuck them, and it turns me on. Especially if she breaks down and starts crying because she hates that she loves how I'm treating her. That's just the best.

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  • Nah it doesn't bother me. I have had severe anxiety and minor depression for a few years now, which relates to my having epilepsy. As I have gone through it, I find myself more sympathetic towards others who have anxiety or depression. I don't know much about other mental health conditions but I don't envisage it being a problem. Like yourself I have received a lot of criticism for having a mental health condition and I try not to spend time with people who drag me down because of it.

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  • Most mental illnesses aren't even mental illnesses. They're money makers for drug companies. Most of it comes from before civilization when we needed these things to survive. That is from a psychiatrist with an alphabet of honours after his name who told me that. You should change your lifestyle and face the things that make you feel that way. Most people's fears and worries are just overthinking. Maybe some of you exs know this and don't respect you for facing the problems

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    • What's his explanation for schizophrenia?

      Mine is that it's a regression of evolution

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    • @RandomPerson1324 ok Freud if you say so. There physiological damage and physochological damage. I'm talking about a physochological effect here and I don't Google fuck all. If it's not already up there under my wig I won't comment on it

    • Psychological and physiological

  • I've been through these things myself as well. I know I was a pain in the ass and I personally wish I'd gotten myself in order before trying to be with someone. Now I'm alone, most likely for good. But I'd want to be there for them and try to help. Even if only through being supportive, which was all I really wanted.

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  • Honestly, I suppose it wouldn't necessarily be an absolute deal breaker. But if I was just starting to see a girl and I learn she dealt with things like this I would take pause. I've dated a girl that dealt with things like manic depression and anxiety before. And my experience with her left a pretty lasting negative impression.

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  • If you don't have a mental illness such as depression with the current state the world is in today, I find that uncomfortable.

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  • Not at all! I suffer from depression and it is nice to be able to empathize with someone dealing with similar things

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  • it depends why ur depressed n what ur doing about it. if you're in bed all day everyday, nah.

    been wit a girl who had anxiety. no thanks

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  • Yea kinda tjrnoff

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  • Definitely a turn off.

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  • I definitely don't want to deal with it. I'm not a nanny.

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  • Actually they're a turn ON for me...

    Nothing like a girl in a straight jacket to get me going...

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  • not ideal for someone who's family with a fair, but if you were ACTUALLY working. on. it, then sure.

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  • they don't exist.

    there is no criteria to test them.

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  • I already have depression and anxiety. It'd be good to have someone who understands but maybe it'd also be good to meet someone without it who could help. Above all just don't be clingy

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  • Mental illness thy name is woman

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  • Walking away is the smart thing to do. It's not a lack of understanding and patience, it's that being in a monogamous relationship with someone isn't running a charity. In committing to them, you basically commit to getting a fair number of your emotional and physical needs only met by them, and quite often people with depression have big challenges in meeting those needs.

    Like an idiot though, i tend to fall for girls with a bit of depression.

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  • no i actually prefer it because i struggle with it too so its nice to be able to have deep conversations and talk and just know were going trough the same thing

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  • no lol.

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What Girls Said 13

  • No. Obviously they're not a turn on because they definitely shouldn't be and anyone who fetishises mental illness is gross. But I've had some experience with personal illness and it wouldn't make me think less of someone, not unless they weren't getting it treated.

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  • Nah I just want him to be sane so he can bring me up to reality. But if he insane like me than he understand why I act crazy for a second... ya know. But a safe bet is someone who is healthy!

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  • I'm not put off by them. Of course, my opinion might be a little biased since I am riddled with mental illnesses myself.

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  • I would date someone with depression or anxiety as I suffer both myself. But anything more serious like Bipolar I would be hesitant.. only because bipolar runs in my family and I've seen how my loved ones act and it's so very stressful being with someone with it. If the person with a more serious illness was on medication I'd consider it.

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  • I know how you feel, my boyfriend of one year broke up with me because I have depression and anxiety, not only that, he spread rumours about me all around our high school and told everyone about how he had to deal with me. It really is the person, my ex really wasn't the nicest person he was very abusive but now I found someone that sees me beyond depression and anxiety, he loves me :)

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  • A guy who i am friends with who suffers from depression had a big crush on me. I didn't know he liked me that way but I used to talk to him a lot and try and help him with his depression. But I couldn't really help since I was not able to comprehend how he feels. Because of that I don't think we gelled the right way. And when I found out he liked me I rejected him because I didn't want to lead him on. It was a big mess..

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  • It depends on the disorder, the person and what I am looking for in the relationship. Bipolar is passed down genetically so if I wanted to have biological children with someone it would be a deal breaker since I know how difficult life is with bipolar. If children were not a factor and the person wanted to be healthy and was willing to work with me and a doctor I would be fine with it.

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  • I wouldn't mind at all. one of my first friends, and we still speak every once in while, has autism. I have mental disorders. most of my friends have disorders. I wouldn't mind at all. it seems hard to find someone without an illness nowadays.

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  • My boyfriend calls me an anxiety freak because i have bad anxiety

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  • I don't really know why someone would date a person with a mental illness UNLESS they have the mental illness under control---for example, I know people with moderate depression who cope very well with it. I could deal with that. I understand not being able to help having a mental illness, but if you haven't figured out how to cope with it properly yet, why would you drag somebody else into it? Why would you expect someone else to have to deal with that? Why would anybody else WANT to deal with that?

    If a person's mental illness is affecting their life (like, most days you can't get yourself out of bed, you have crazy mood swings that you inflict upon others, etc.) then I don't think they should even consider being in a relationship until they find ways to cope better. Like, they're literally in no shape to be in a relationship.

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  • I've had the same experience as you do... Guys don't want to deal with anything that may possibly inconvenience them.

    Oddly, my boyfriend who was the meanest about it had an anxiety disorder of his own. So even that doesn't guarantee empathy.

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  • Not generally.. There are certain symptoms which I'd find hard to deal with, but it depends on the person I think.

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  • Not really no...

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