It is a lost cause? Guy at work asked me out, I made the date too friendly because of a complicated personal situation. What do I do now?

I started a new job in November. There is a guy that I ocassionally have to work with who I thought was cute but did nothing about it. At our work Christmas party, he spent a lot of time talking to me. He then asked me to come to his friends party with him (straight after the work party) and after hesitating at first, I went. At his friends party he definitely seemed interested. He joked about us moving overseas together and maybe even living together! We seemed very compatible.

The week after at work, we were chatting via email (instigated by me). He asked if I wanted to "grab a beer or something" over the Christmas break. I said I would let him know if I was in town. Now my situation is a little complicated as I come from a background where arranged marriage is common and my parents were trying to marry me off to someone. I wanted to sort that out before heading into anything with him so I wasn't intending on messaging him over the holidays.

A few days later, he messaged me asking if I was in town and whether I would like to catch up. My crush on him got the better of me and I said yes. At the date, I panicked and told him about my arranged situation and that I needed to sort it out. I wanted to give him full disclosure and the chance to leave as it could get messy at work and I really didn't want to mess up my new job. I told him in the first hour, but he stuck around for another 4! By the end, I had developed feelings for him.

I have since sorted out my parental situation and asked him casually if he wanted to get dinner with me after work one night, which he politely declined. I have also tried to chat to him about non work topics and he was nice but somewhat non responsive. I want to tell him that i've sorted my situation out but he has given me no ins to the conversation. Is this a lost cause? I seem to have very strong feelings for him and I really don't want this to be the end, but perhaps I should take my losses and quit


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What Guys Said 1

  • It could well have thrown him off. He probably has the sense that you've given him mixed messages that are more mixed than most. My guess would be that telling him it all got worked out with your parents might not change the situation completely. You can try to quietly persist and see if he lets his defenses down enough where you can talk to him about your parent's change of heart.

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