If you are emotionally scarred from a previous relationship, how do you get over wariness of re-entering dating world?

My last relationship was a disaster and ended 5 years ago, I have been single ever since. If I gave myself a year to get over break up then life intervened, I had major stuff on for next 3 years and dating was last thing on my mind. Give myself another 6 months to get over that, by my calculations these past 6 months I should be thinking about returning to normal but I cannot shake the uneasiness I have about getting back into looking for romance, I kinda half feel like it then stop my self at last moment.

Thanks for listening to a very confused monkey

If you are emotionally scarred from a previous relationship, how do you get over wariness of re-entering dating world?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Never be wary or scared of dating. Dating is an amazing thing you do to connect with someone special on a level you can't connect with anyone else. I understand your last relationship ended horrible but that's the past. You have to move on. You can not let that stop you from meeting the person meant for you. You getting back out there shows everyone, "I'm strong. My past is the past. Time to move on. And show off my amazing partner." Go out, have fun, date. Find someone meant for you. Don't be scared of meeting someone because of what happened.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I find self reflection is the key to most issues. Why do you feel that way is it because of the past experiences or is that merely an excuse ie fear that since your older you might not be able to find someone or fear of your financial situation will hold you back or just plain fear of rejection (the fewer sucesses one has the more that last one affects the person so not being in a relationship for a long time can actually increase the fear of rejection (at least to my experience and observation)) But lets say it is due to pass experiences, so you ask is it likely to occur again? Did I have signs of what was to come (whether she betrayed you divorced you etc)? Did she exhibit certain traits that where red flags but where ignored at the time, certain personality traits etc. If so now you know what to avoid and to not ignore those traits. Is it likely to occur again yes or no? And to go along that vein for, well quite a long time I admit) and again it also requires looking at your responses to those things, do you see that as a red flag in hindsight because you where blind to it at the time or just trying to find somethign to make sense of it all now etc. But I do find that after this process you tend to remove any excuses you have and while obviously their is still the emotional component you don't have your brain rationalizing it so its actually more managable.

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What Girls Said 2

  • There's a book called, What if Buddha Dated that is a pretty good read. If you keep running into the same issues again and again then you probably have some unhealthy dating patterns and therapists are really helpful in this process.

    I learned a long time ago that you can't punish the next guy for the mistakes of the first guy. Just because one cheats doesn't mean the other one will. If someone treats you poorly you have only yourself to blame for staying around and taking it.

    I just learn that their actions are way more about them and less about me. Whatever the mistreatment was they did the same thing with the one before you and the one after. I've also learned to accept my role in these unhealthy relationships that should have probably never even gotten off the ground. I've in the past ignored warning signs such as a man saying, " looking for a woman who is perfect." I questioned perfect for you are just perfect? Because no one is perfect. To which is said 'perfect'. It was such a weird thing to hear I figured he can't be serious. But he was. That should have been the end of it and I knew it was a sign of trouble but didn't want to pay attention to it.

    We learn something from each relationship and if you go into the next one with a positive attitude and well defined boundaries you'll find the right one. ☺️

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  • Best monkey ever

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What Guys Said 2

  • I wouldn't focus on taking a certain break length. I would find out why you're wary. If she acted a way you feel traumatised from, healing from that is important obviously. I bet you would have recovered from something 5 years ago. If you noticed an issue or pattern from your last relationship and are scared that will happen again I would try and evaluate why it happened and maybe if you look for different qualities in your next partner, you can prevent that from happening again. If you think you're a part of whatever caused the issue, working on self help seems like a good idea.

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  • I am not scarred anymore, but still weary of getting back out there to try again. It's been about 10 months since me and my ex split. I've talked to a few women in the past month or so and bleh.. Maybe it's still not the right time to get back out there man. Hope that helps.

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