Am I doomed to fail?

I come from a broken home. I lack a good support system. I have friends I can't rely on and estranged family who I do see from once in a while. My mother was very strict, controlling, critical and emotionally unstable, she instilled a lot of fear in me and atill to this day, even tho I dont have to fear her, I still feel this helpless child around er with extremely self low worth. I still live at her unfortunately (student) but even tho she lets me do things my own, there is no privacy which results into a deep depression where I dont want to do anything in fear of her yelling at me or taking it away from me, so I end up isolating and sabotaging my life. I am a very cold person, I rarely feel emotionally attached to someone, if I do its because I dont want to be alone. Im 23 and people pretty much act shocked when I tell them I dont feel a need for a relationship or sex (im still a virgin). Am I weird? and doom to fail? the guy I did like dumped me for all these reasons, calling me emotionally unstable with no real goals in life. Because of this I have a hard time making friends because I look weird and anti social


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Most Helpful Guy

  • It sounds like you got dealt a shitty hand from the start, but don't let that determine the rest of your life. Work on getting out of the house and on your own as soon as you can, and get some therapy to unscramble some of the wires that were messed up as a result of the chaotic upbringing you had and the unsupportive family system.

    You CAN get better and live a relatively normal and healthy life, but you'll have to put in a little bit more effort than some people (though you're still probably better off than many others who come from even more traumatic backgrounds).
    Do the work, don't expect overnight cures, accept that it's going to be a long-term effort on your part, but there are professionals who can help you to get to a point where you're more confident, can accept the past for what it was, and create a present and future that is full of happiness, peace, confidence, and healthy relationships.

    And by the way, you deserve a gold medal for making it this far with your virginity. So many girls who come from chaotic backgrounds wind up pregnant and having kids at a young age (combination of terrible decision making, bad luck, and/or an attempt to fill the void in their lives with something they hope will bring them happiness and meaning), and of course those kids grow up in an equally shitty environment/family situation and repeat the cycle.
    I vote they make a statue in your honor for your strength and intelligence for not going down that road and adding to the problems that this world already has to deal with!

    Focus on your education, get a job and save up so you can move out as quickly as possible, get yourself the therapy you need, and you CAN create a better life for yourself and have the happiness and relationships you want.

    Good luck :-)

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Everything is an excuse for your current behaviour. Options to explore is to move asap when you can or made small changes that would see you in a different life in a few years ' time

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What Guys Said 4

  • I think a change in scenery would do nicely -- some way to escape that home, become independent. I don't know if that's something feasible any time soon, financially and all that.

    You might travel abroad, see the world, meet people who are completely different, some very open and welcoming.

    It might be a dream worth building, anyway -- something to inspire you and give you hope, work towards saving up to do.

    You'll probably have to overcome a massive hurdle in comfort zone to want to do this. I suspect, even with this kind of home and setting you hate, trying to depart from it will be the scariest thing yet, that there's an addictive quality to not changing anything even though you hate it.

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    • Also 23 is still pretty young. You haven't been imprinted just yet with the, "This is the rest of your life" mark. A lot of the pivotal age still awaits, which is going to be like mid-late 20s, when you start making decisions which affect your career. To me though, it sounds like the key is to change your scenery. That environment sounds a bit suffocating, molding you into something that's going to be harder to escape the longer you stay there.

  • At your age, you are too young for anyone to say that you are doomed to fail, but you obviously do need to make some changes in your life.

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  • Wow - you sound like the female version of a cousin of mine. He was fixated on his goals and had no other things get in his way. Since he had no place to go back to and no support it gave him the incentive to keep pushing and pushing. He is some consultant, travelling and doing his thing. When he comes back home, he doesn't fit in and is amazed at people that have stayed in the same place for 10 years. I think he is cool, but he will never be satisfied with the routine life others see as good enough. I dont know when he lost his virginity, but it was in his 20's and he doesn't easily get attached and is into wild stuff.

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  • sounds like you just need a friend.

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