Guy asks me to drink and I got mad. Am I overreacting here?

There's this guy that I worked with for years at a grocery store. We've never hung out or talked outside of work and now suddenly he is messaging me telling me he's at house parties and wants me to come. I said no because I didn't know anybody except him and I wouldn't be comfortable going. I also don't want to drive home after drinking. So then he tells me we can do something another time, just him and me. It made me so mad when I already told him I don't drink. He has made it seem like he likes me before so why wouldn't he just ask me on a proper date? That's why I feel like he is trying to take advantage of me. Why else would he want me to come to a party at some guys house where everybody is drinking? He wanted me to get drunk with him and he's asked me twice now. It makes me sick thinking of what girls he is/was with at all these parties he goes to and what he does. I don't care if he drinks, but it makes me mad that he asked me to come to some house and get drunk when we've never hung out before.

I kind of feel like I'm overreacting, but do I really need to justify my feelings? That's how I feel. I told him I'd talk to him later on, yet I still haven't messaged him because I don't want to speak to him. I still feel like I need to message him though because I told him I would and I don't want to lie. What should I do?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • ok.. no.. i think you got it wrong.

    If he hasn't spoken to you much.. he doesn't know you.

    if he doesn't know you well... he doesn't know what you like.

    first, he asks you out to a drink.. because that is the most normal social move, take someone out for a drink in a social area, if he tries to make a move on you and you say no, you both have a lot of space to roam and can remove awkwardness through different means (speaking about something else, speaking to someone else, going on the dance floor, w/e)

    if you said you dont like drinking... rahter than you are not interested in him, he will try to take you out on something or somewhere more of your style, such as a mini dinner, or maybe a night out to a movie or something.

    that is what i think he might mean by something somewhere else just you and me mean (think about it... if you dont like drinking then social scenes just ain't your style.. so he already included just you and me.. to hint seclusion and more chance for both of you to get to know each other)

    in the end, if you are not interested in him as a date, just tell him straight off , preferably nicely (as some guys might be very sensitive, even tho they may appear not to be... i know i am :P )

    just tell him listen, I don't feel like i know you and if you wanna hang out just to get to know each other fine, but im not into you and i dont feel like i will be, but if its friendship you're looking for ill be more than happy to work something out :)

    that way if he only wants to go out with you for sex and party and whats not... you stopped him from waisting your time and his, whilst if he just wants to make new friends from his workplace, you wouldn't have destroyed a pottentially good friendship just because you got pissed off for something that may or may not have been a full on sexual move.

    also... for the record... i reallly dont think you should get pissed off so easily, and if you do you may want to seek some answers about yourself, and ask yourself how you can keep yourself more calm... just my 2 cents :)

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Most Helpful Girl

  • He said, you guys can do something together later... You don't have to drink. Your life isn't that complicated. Just stop over reacting.

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    • Thanks, I know it's not that complicated. I'm just wondering if he's trying to take advantage of me since he just wanted me to come get drunk at a party before anything else. I don't want to get involved with this guy if that is the case.

    • Just don't drink and pay attention to how he acts... Do you actually know him or just assuming that's what goes on?

    • I know him from at work. We've talked a lot, just not outside of work. I don't know what he does at parties.

What Guys Said 11

  • This likely has nothing to do with you. It's about him. This is probably what he usually does and he's probably asked other girls to go with him and they have. So you have three options: 1) go with him; 2) ask him to do something else; 3) move on because you don't want to be with someone that is always drinking.

    Of course, the assumption may be unfair as perhaps he just happened to have had agreed to attend those two parties before and was just trying to get you to go with him to it. You know him and I don't. Does he seem like the kind that wants to drink and party all the time?

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  • Wow ! What an imagination you must have to extrapolate as much as you do with as little as you have ! You could almost imagine your own world and live in it by yourself, so at least, you wouldn't treat real people, people who feel for you, like they're rapists trying to entrap you...
    The guy simply likes you and is trying to get to know you. He has asked you out and you reacted like a crazy cat lady, which you will no doubt end up like if you keep this on.

    Did you overreact? Damn right you did !

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  • if you don't drink you don't drink - you don't have to defend or explain that decision to anyone you choose not to. It's definitely got a creepy vibe to it if he's insistent but a lot of people, and it seems to be a majority of people, can't enjoy themselves without a drink, or make drinking the most important part of the event so it might be to do with that. Whether you think he's being creepy or not he's not listening to you or respecting your decisions which is hardly dating material anyway

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  • "Why else would he want me to come to some guy's house where everyone is drinking?"

    Liquid courage. He wasn't comfortable asking you to hang while sober or at work. Asking you to attend a party is big step down from asking you on a date, it was the perfect circumstance for him, a perhaps nervous and reluctant to guy, to hang with you while avoiding asking you out directly.

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    • Thanks. I didn't think of it that way at all. It could make sense because he has asked me to do other stuff in past day and it's all been through text

    • Exactly. And you're welcome.

    • Wow, that's very insightful. For the asker, I would say make it clear why you're offended, and how what he said made you feel. Don't be rude, just pretend like you're talking to some clueless person. Guys are clueless, and the ones that that are infatuated, are even worse at accurately determining how you feel.

  • Nope you did not overreact.
    Thats kind of shady and sounds like he only had one goal.
    Good job on the not driving after drinking, i have a DWI and it sucks.
    DUIs can really hurt your career selection.

    You dont need to justify your feelings at all, im not attracted to women who party all the time. there's a lot better things you can do with another significant then just drink.
    Just dont talk to him, that ain't a man, just a little boy trying to take advantage of a smart woman.
    FInd yourself a good guy who will take you on a real date, not some party.

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  • Your entitled to feel however you want, in my opinion you are overreacting though. You've clearly been on his mind a long time, maybe given you've never spent social time together before inviting you to a party felt more neutral to him than a 1 on 1, you declined so he's found the balls to ask to see you alone.

    Drinking doesn't mean you have to get drunk nor that he wants to take advantage of you. Suggestion, try not to be mad at him, it takes a lot of guts to ask a girl out, given the time elapsed it doesn't sound like he's thinking of you as a drunken fling, maybe give him the benefit of the doubt and suggest to him coffee or lunch instead then go from there?

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    • Hi thanks for the response. You actually gave a suggestion and some advice that could explain the situation instead of just bashing me.

  • Well doesn't SOMEBODY think high and mighty of themselves.

    Maybe he doesn't like you at all and he just wants to hang out.

    Men and women can be friends youknow

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    • Haha okay, I was overreacting, but Iw as thinking high and mighty of myself. I knew already he had some type of interest in me because other people have told me and there have been other obvious signs.

    • I mean I wasn't thinking high and mighty

  • He said you could do something together. Isn't that a proper date? He didn't say drinking. Plus if he was at a house party he was probably drunk texting you.

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    • Yeah he only said that after I rejected his offers to party. I was pretty sure it was a drunk text as he seemed really confident compared to usual... I just don't know if I should text him or not? The fact he was drinking last night makes it awkward, but I told him I'd text. I wish I didn't

  • What's a proper date?

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  • he's trying to bang you out…simple.

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  • If he was just trying to fuck you he'd have suggested Netflix alone.

    If he goes to parties going to a party is an easy low pressure way to hang out.

    You're overreacting.

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What Girls Said 1

  • Personally i think your really overreacting. Maybe he doesn't do dates. And he said do something. didn't specify what. So your trying to justify your temper

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    • Okay, I admit I was overreacting

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