How would you feel if you're significant other still keeps in touch with their ex?

So me and and boyfriend have been dating for 10 months. (I'm 20 he's 28). In the beginning of our relationship he's told me that he still keeps in contact with his ex. They were previously engaged for 4 years and still keep in contact just to see how each other is doing. He also tells me he keeps in contact with another woman he was friends with benefits from 2 years ago. He says that when they were friends she told him she loved him. When we started dating he told me about a couple of months before we were together she moved out of state but they still keep in contact. I told him I have felt uneasy about this but he tells me I have nothing to worry about. Even though he tells me this I'm skeptical. Another thing is I recently keep having dreams of him cheating, not saying the dreams are correct but the subject keeps staying in the forefront of my mind. Especially when he keeps his phone on silent and won't answer text messages in front of me. One day one of his girls as friends called and he ignored it and wouldn't answer it. Should I feel this way? What should I do?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I'll preface this by pointing out that he told you all of this in advance of your relationship - that's what I gathered from what you've said. That tells you that he wanted to be honest about it from the beginning, and that's a very GOOD thing.

    However, it's clear you have issues with his exes calling him, texting him, and generally keeping in touch with him. You have a right to take issue with that as it would make most people feel uneasy. You aren't being 'controlling' or too 'jealous' by having these negative feelings towards the situation - not at all, in my opinion.

    All that said, I believe that he should respect you enough to not contact them a lot. It's one thing for them to be friends and talk once in awhile, but it's completely different if it is a daily, or even a weekly thing.

    An ex-fiance' of four years is not something you really just 'turn off', so I would be more concerned about her. It's good that he is still friends with them - it says a lot about him, honestly. But, there's a point when he should just move on. That point is now, I would say.

    What you should do is sit him down and really tell him how you feel. Don't sugar-coat it, don't 'hint' around about it - tell him straight up that it bothers you. Just let him know that you don't mind him having friends that are girls, but that it really bothers you that he keeps close to those he has loved in the past.

    If he continues to say "don't worry about it, nothing is to worry," then you might bring up his suspicious behavior of not answering texts in front of you.

    That said - does he ignore all texts from anyone when he's around you or does he check to see who it is before he sits the phone back down? Does he have phone conversations with them a lot? Does he text them a lot?

    If he ignores everyone's texts, then it isn't very suspicious, but if he ignores theirs, it could simply be out of respect for you - but then again, it does seem suspicious and you have a reason to be concerned.

    Ultimately, at the end of the day, this is going to boil down to communication and trust. You have to communicate with him openly and honesty, and you should give him as much trust as you feel he deserves at this point. If he hasn't given you a reason to distrust you, then you should just trust him until he does something that is very clearly 'wrong' - but don't go looking for it or you'll find anything and take it wrong.

    So just sit him down, talk to him about it, and offer him your trust. Hope that helps

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Most Helpful Girl

  • There'd be no reason for him to stay in touch with his ex. None of that 'purely platonic' or 'just to keep in touch'. Exes that hang out, regardless of their motives, are just asking to reignite any feelings that were previously had. Which could come back in a purely emotional way, or with one of them slipping and conveniently landing on the other's dick.

    Your guy only adds to the issue by being all secretive about their phone-based interactions, among other things. Trust your gut and confront him, which may end with an ultimatum of him either showing you his text conversations, or you walk.

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What Guys Said 6

  • I wouldn't like it at all, to be honest.

    I mean, I want nothing to do with my exes, and I'd like her to feel the same.

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  • If his ex isn't just as interested in being your friend, then his friendship with her is likely going to be a place to run to when things are not going well with you. They have no real business being friends without you involved.

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  • I became good friends with one of my wife's exes, so it wouldn't bother me. But she never lied to me about it or tried to hide it.

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  • that´s unacceptable to me. she can have male friends but i don´t want her ex in my life.

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  • I say FUCK all that, these people wanna have their options open and I don't play that shit.

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  • i would see it as a potential problem, and talk to her about it.

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What Girls Said 5

  • In your situation I'd take issue to that.

    In my situation... His ex was from when he was twelve so...

    But no, I'd be uncomfortable if I were you.

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  • I would feel sketchy about it too. If you have a feeling something I going on, chances are they are. I normally don't condone snooping but if you have the chance id go for it. You'll either catch him doing something or get peace of mind that he's doing nothing.

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  • Like everyone else - I say, he ain't worth your time honey. A guy that wants you and only you he will block all of his exs no matter what. It seems to me, he's just keeping them because he's not very serious about your relationship. I say your instincts are correct and if you lose sleep at night over this, then break up with him. I'd rather be with someone I know won't cheat on me, God... the drama! ... forget him, say goodbye, toodooloo muthafucka, peace!!

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  • Trust your gut girl!
    I have been there before when you feel there's something off but don't feel comfortable speaking up. If you feel like something is up it probably is.

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  • Just move on and find a guy who's over his exes and doesn't keep his friends with benefits around.

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